25 thoughts on “That Hoe Ova There”

1. I was talking to a this bus driver for a long time. He constantly flirted with me, but my ass was too dumb to pick up on it. One time I was the last person on the bus and he asked me to come up front. As he put it, he “liked to talk and didn’t want to be by himself”. Whatever. We had talked many times before, but this time he started getting all personal with his questions and I told him that he was trying to get way too much into my business. He laughed at my comment and then asked me bluntly if I was DL. I asked him who wanted to know and he replied someone who was interested in me. I said and who would that be? He said the fella spittin game at you. I just looked at him and he said yeah I dip from time to time. Now I’m looking at this guy, who was very handsome, like he lost his mind. The guy was Jamaican and Korean. I mean he could have any woman he wanted if he set his mind to it, and even if he didn’t, because I’d hear the comments the ladies made about him.

   So I said what the hell, I’m game…what you got? We went out to eat once, and afterwards we went to the boardwalk and sat on a bench and just talked. We talked a lot, but never got very far in terms of intimacy. I could tell he was ready to go, but I wasn’t. Glad I stood my ground because one morning I got on the bus and it just happened to be a sunny summer morning. As I stepped up to pay my fare I noticed a glint on his finger. I looked again and sure enough it was a wedding ring. I had never noticed it before in all of the times we talked or hung out. I was done. Like many others here on this board, there are some things you just don’t do.

   When he called me later that day on his break, I asked him if he was married. He told me that he was, so I told him that there was no way we would be intimate as long as he was married. He asked me if I was serious and I said yes. I asked him why he never wore his wedding band while he worked. He said he didn’t want to lose it. I told him that his answer was bullshit and he did it because he was looking for ass. Funny thing is after that conversation ended, I never got more than a wassup from him whenever I saw him.
   I haven’t seen him in a very long time either. I think he may have moved because he’d said that he wanted to move to ATL.

2. I’ll never forget being cheated on. It happened in 2 different relationships that I knew about. They both left me thinking if I was the problem and if I did something to drive them to cheat. I know I’m not perfect so I will not play the innocent victim card here. It had an effect on me then and it affected how I later viewed gay relationships. I said all that to say, it’s not cool on the side of being cheated on. I guess the bright side is that it happened in my 20s so it was a little easier to deal with. The funny thing with the last one was I was in a deep sleep and dreaming about all kinds of things. Then I started to hear sex moans of my then lover. I eventually saw the face of the guy and where it happened and how it happened. When I confronted him about it I was calm. I described his sexcapade down to the most minute detail. He was baffled and apologetic and asked how did I know since it happened several states away. I told him….God and kept it pushing.

   I can’t imagine how liar liar’s situation will turn out. It just goes to show you Jamari that she is a person that will do ANYTHING to get what she wants. You already know that about her. Now you know that she has not changed and is not going to anytime soon. Continue to keep her at a distance whenever possible. People confess their sins all the time without even knowing it.

3. I had a married man hit on me before (he was bi) and his wife knew it. The ironic thing is, I ended up doing his wife and not him. NOT NEVER AGAIN! I felt so guilty and foul after; it was ridiculous. The end result was all of us having a falling out and never speaking to each other again. That’s the short version. If you want the long version, I’ll be typing for hours. lol

4. The old people say that love is better when you are stealing it lol. With that being said, just a couple of weeks ago, I broke my own rule and kicked it with a married dude, so I know how easy it is to get caught up. I am older and wiser enough to know now that you can never catch feelings for a married dude or even a gay dude in a relationship. You are never going to win with the wife or main dude, they will always have the upper hand. When I first started dealing with dudes I was hit on mainly by DL married men and I have had my fair share, when I was younger I didnt think much of the other person, I thought it was fun and exciting and didnt think I was doing anything wrong just kicking it and having a good time, these dudes were my ideals in terms of being masculine and not living a gay lifestyle. I am still mostly attracted to this same type of dude but I have learned that these dudes have lots of inner turmoil and usually take their anger and frustration out on your self esteem. I just mostly admire guys like this from afar now and in the fantasy world of my mind. It catches up with you after a while always ducking and dodging and seeing someone on their terms and their schedule because of a wife, or girlfriend and of course he has to spend time with the kids. The THOT on your job J will learn soon enough when he drops her ass and be on to the next new thing at the company, dont be surprise if he hits on you lol, dudes like this with many different partners like to get it in anyway they can. The THOT is probably going to cause him hell or get him fired when he gets tired of her, she sounds like she is ticking time bomb. Just sit back and watch this play out, she wont be there long.

5. Okay, I’ll be the black sheep.

   I used to be that righteous type like most of you, saying I’d never do this or accept this.

   When I left for college almost 7 years ago, if you would’ve told me certain things would transpire in my life I’d call you a liar from hell!

   I had no idea I’d wake up one day and detest just about every major aspect of my life, from the job that pushes me to the edge of sanity, to stressing about bills and the future, to the personal life that’s virtually non-existent.

   I literally spent my last birthday drunk out of my mind smoking thinking the world would be better off without me in it and how ironic it would be if my obituary said I died the same day I was born.

   With that being said, I contacted someone I told myself I never would, but I kept his number in some deep crevice of my phone so maybe I knew in the back of my mind I would.

   Texted back and forth and met him at some hotel full of questionable, but discrete patrons and when he saw me he knew this wasn’t something I normally do.

   I kept asking him if he was sure, hoping he would take the high road and make the decision for me, but he was extra attentive and affectionate to me. I think that’s why I liked him in the first place. I felt like he was the first one I didn’t feel like I was jumping through hoops for for crumbs, he was jumping through hoops for me offering me money, jobs all of which I declined. I’m definitely not in love, I just like the attention.

   Was it wrong? Yes.
   Do I care? Nope.
   Does that make me a bad person? Maybe, I guess hurt ppl do hurt ppl.

   With that being said, I don’t consciously seek out married men.

   1. ^can we give it to jay for being extremely honest tonight?
      i feel like I relate with his answer as well.
      i don’t seek married or taken men.
      they someone find me and they’re always fuckin gorgeous.
      ugh.
      it’s not right in any means,
      but it’s being real without judgment.

   2. This was incredibly soul baring.
      No one here has a crown tipped scepter to judge you with so go ahead and rock that black fur. I just really appreciate the honesty you laid out here.

      But you went through some dark times, but out of all of that, the thing I’m happy about most is that you’re still here. I don’t know if it was the texting, or doing something that you thought was further away from your comfort zone, but I’m hoping your current story today involves you being and feeling stable.

      Life can honestly throw a lot of stuff at us and in a world of seven billion people, its a constant struggle trying to make a mark on the world and a name for yourself. It gets depressing like hell when you feel like there is a spiraling oblivion that keeps ushering you towards it.

      To be honest, his treatment of you was possibly a huge dose of self esteem. I would kill to feel someone try to go all out for me as I do for them. But once it’s over, we have to keep that burst of momentum from fading and I don’t know your struggle, but i hope its yielding to the light of life.

      I can’t make promises, but lemme know your birthday. Maybe I can get you a gift card or something that at least can make the next one feel a little more special.

      My way of reminding you that someone else out there appreciates your existence.

      1. That’s nice of you bro, but I’m okay. Depression is something I’ve dealt with my whole life. Aside from my immediate family, I come from a family full of alcoholics. I feel like it’s something I’ll deal with on and off until I’m not here anymore but I’ve found ways to dissipate it like exercise. I’m proud I’ve always come to my senses on my own never talked to anyone else or needed meds.

         Birthdays are always hard because I reflect a lot and think of where I’m going and sometimes I feel like I’m not where I should be. Everyone can relate to that. I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was 7 lol. I just turned 25.

   3. Keep it up and keep going strong. Fight it every chance you get and never let the darkness oppress you.

      I understand its really difficult, and those feelings are common sometimes. We’ve so conditioned our minds to where we want to be that its really difficult to face our current reality of where we are. I say current because it is changeable and can be what we envision.

      But don’t dwell on it. And please be careful of the alcohol. I know a guy who was an AMAZING radio personality that truly looked as if he would be going somewhere until he found himself wound up with the drink and far from sanity after a while.

      Not saying it’ll happen to you or his experience is in any way relateable, but I’m just saying, don’t push down that road when there are still options available. I want to know that you’ll make it and still be making it till at least you’re 25×4 or somewhere close. 😉

      You’re terribly young. even if it doesn’t seem that way now you have plenty of time to head towards your goals

      While I know you’re proud that you’ve really made it this far on your own, if you ever feel like you need a second word of encouragement or just a random stranger to talk to- I’m here..

6. I wish you would report her ass and tell the wife about her, but then I want your friend Karma to take care of that or worst.

7. I feel sorry for “Liar Liar” now, and i understand what youre saying Man.

8. The heart’s just an organ but the mind is the powerhouse. Love is one of the strongest human emotions but people underestimate how simple it is for that veil to fall from their eyes. I can’t speak for his personal life, but I don’t think she understands just how fragile the ice under her feet really is with this guy.

   That being said, chillllle, my popcorn’s already cooking in the microwave and I’m far to eagerly anticipating her fallout from this.

9. i was involved with someone before for six months before finding out that not only was the fool married, but had children and was seeing girls also. i found out he was married through a friend of mine who knew i was seeing him….i was hurt by that situation to the point i went abstinent for almost a year as a result…The Man i feel exactly where you coming from i think i’m even feeling that way now in regards to men who have a girlfriend also….I’m not sharing myself with an idiot who wants everything….many brothas are greedy and want it all so I’m not satisfying someone’s appetite by being one of the guys in the number…

   It’s 2014 you should be able to deal with other men who are single and available..i’ll be 27 this year and i’m just thinking about building my legacy and i dont want to entertain stagnant guys anymore…looks and a body aren’t enough anymore….

   1. High fives!

      The only person’s in this world who deserve to have it all are those in the empire business. We are the one’s looking to build and establish a greater tomorrow for ourselves and creating a foundation stronger than the one we walked in on.

      I’m truly sorry you had to endure that really deplorable situation, that is genuinely heartbreaking. But hey, the tools you have now are one’s forged from travesty and heartache and they are more than apt for cutting through further lies and illusions.

      If anything,you’re better prepared for leaving that legacy behind, experiences that would help inspire others to stand taller for themselves instead of accepting it and trying to make similar situations work.

      Seriously guys, we’re valued much more than what the negative souls presume to place on us. Time we showed them that.

      1. you better PREACH i almost passed a collection plate for you just now…so true we are vessels placed by GOD on this Earth for a reason and im not a hobby or something to do when someone gets aroused…I’m a person with a mind, spirit and soul with ambitions and might i add a great catch so i’ll hold out for my Mr. Right

      2. Precisely Malcolm.

         Gosh, I love this blog. One of the biggest things we can do for the community is encourage each other and this place is home to such amazing inspiration.

         I am positive that there is someone specifically for you. time will tell but in the meantime keep building yourself up. Let em see the fine man who is more than able to support himself and has a discernible spirit meant to be cherished. I’m rooting for you to find that guy!

10. Messing with a married man will never lead to a good outcome. That is someone’s husband, and he should be off limits, period. I have said this before, but I’ll say it again. I am too good, and I have way to much to offer to waste time with a man who I cannot have Full-Time. If I cannot spend nights with you, then you are not the right one for me man. I do not want to sound corny when I say this, but I am the type of dude who loves hard or doesn’t love at all. I cannot love a lil bit, that is why I get so confused when people say that. How do you love someone a lil bit? Either I love a person wholeheartedly or I do not love them at all.

    There is this guy in one of my courses who I am very sexually attracted to. When I first saw him I was like “DAMN.” A couple days later, I noticed a wedding ring on his left ring finger, I immediately lost interest even though I did not know for sure if he was married, but I found out he was married today actually, and it was straight from his mouth lol. Me and a friend were talking to him in class about it. I’m going to be honest, my dick wants him, but my mind does not, that is where my maturity and self-respect comes in. That is a woman’s husband, and I could not live with myself if I have sexual relations with a man who legally belongs to someone else. Yea, I’ll look at him, but I will not touch him as long as he is wearing that ring. He is eye candy though, and my eyes have watered looking at him a couple of times, and I’ve gotten hard starring at him in class quite often lol. He has even caught me looking at him, and I keep looking right in his face. He’s that fine so I do not even care if he suspects me or not lol. We’ll cool though, we talk and laugh and all that good stuff. However, I respect that man’s marriage and there is a boundary that I am not going to cross. Get this though, he is only 21, and he is locked down already.

    1. I wish more people thought like you Man. Some idiots look at that ring as a challenge. A challenge they want to conquer. I have no idea why when there are so many single people looking.

       Sorry to say for him, most young marriages, especially the ones now and days, don’t last long. He must’ve married his high school sweet heart.

    2. For me, I find even if he’s dating someone in a relationship lasting anywhere from 6 months to a year, I try not to mess with. There is a strong bond between couples and even when they say its over, you often find the heart still yearns to latch itself onto them, like two opposing poles of a magnet.

       I’m ashamed to say this, but I feel like there is someone I’m willing to wait for. I’d do anything and I’ll always be here for him, but he’s in a relationship. during this time, as much as it hurts, I’ll council him during the heartaches and fights only because I love him. But that love he has with his significant other is a line in the sand I’ll never let myself cross. If it ends for a significant period of time, I’ll let him know how i still feel. Until then I swear I’ll never come between two loves.

       1. ^i appreciate your honesty apollo and man as well.

       2. that was beautiful Apollo

       3. Thanks. This thread is feeling a lot like a confessions thread tonight, and its good that we can all lay it on the table and talk to each other open and honestly about our own experiences.

          To be clear, I’m still young, still rocking my v-card and I haven’t held much experience when it comes to actually liking someone, so I don’t know if my reaction is based on me being so woefully inexperienced.

          It might be possible that if things were different I would have considered it, but from my own reactions of love I know what heartbreak feels like and that’s why I personally couldn’t.

11. Yes, a big mess waiting to happen. The mail-room wolf needs to stop acting like a puppy about to be neutered. He’s the perfect example of what I mean when I say that some people aren’t meant to be in relationships. All of that is uncalled for. Don’t get in a relationship knowing full and damn well you’re going to fuck around on the side. That’s wasting the wife’s time.

    He’s the head thot in that circle of ratchet.

    1. ^yeah he is kinda leading them all on.
       his dick def has some mileage on it.

    2. “He’s the head thot in that circle of ratchet.”.

       I like that and agree.

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