*vent entry

you ever met someone that you really enjoyed?
their personality was so infectious that it instantly drew you in.
it’s like they glowed when they walked into the room for the first time.
you just KNEW they were gonna be in your life,
and for a short time,
they actually were.
outta nowhere tho…

Continue reading “the glowsticks light is limited time only (so enjoy it while it lasts?)” →

*someone in the life will relate to this.
true story from my experience.

many moons ago,
when i was in entertainment really heavy,
i invited this dude over to my crib because he wanted to talk about his career in entertainment.
he said he was available after 11pm on a saturday night.
11pm.
saturday night.
“talk”.
every time he saw me,
he flirted with me.
of course,
i assumed he was cumming to fuck the shit outta me.
i wanted him too because he was my type.
when he got over to my crib,
he was heavy on the flirting like it was verbal foreplay.
there was one point he was dancing and put his crotch in my face.
i’m usually not bold with wolves,
but i went decided to try something new.
when he sat on my couch,
he opened up his body language to me.
legs were open; hands were leaned back on the couch.
he had nice lips and i kissed him.
he kissed back and then said:

“...so i’m not gay.“

he wasn’t angry,
but he responded like this has happened many times before.
i felt so naked and vulnerable afterward.
it was a feeling i couldn’t explain.
un-wanted,
maybe?
ugly?
feeling like someone had my secret in their back pocket?
i felt open and not in a good way.
we never spoke again.

i was on youtube today and came across a scene from one of my favorite movies.
“american beauty“.
i watched it when i was really young and it made me feel uncomfortable.
when i watched this scene as an adult,
i totally understood it…

Continue reading “do we confuse male attention with our vulnerability and a need to be loved? (american beauty)” →

the emotionals have been on 1000.
there is pressure in my chest.
i’ve been crying off and on.
every time i sit still,
i start dwelling on things and people i know/like/maybe love(?).
i’ve had no energy to write anything tbh.
the thought of sleeping all day has been the move.
shitttttttttttttt,
i slept off and on during election day.
wtf is happening to me?
oh,
i know…

Continue reading “waving to the foxhole from emotional hell (hope all is well!)” →

oftentimes,
we have defining moments in our lives that can change the dynamic in a snap.
i’ve been there.
i didn’t realize the impact of losing my parentals and best friend would have on me.
one of my best friends is experiencing a defining moment now…

Continue reading “fancy’s defining moment has changed her life forever” →

the easier toys sit on the bottom shelf.
you know the ones that are played with the most.
they are the ones that are at an arm’s reach.
those toys get to go everywhere…

Continue reading “the top shelf toy story” →

we all have moments that define our lives.
i have had a few that shaped me in some way.
as traumatic as they were,
they definitely made me the fox i am today.
someone pointed out an epiphany moment during one of my defining moments.
i had to be about 10 or so…

…this is a long entry,
but there is a gem inside it for those looking for one…

Continue reading “no, i didn’t bust a hadoken in his butt cheeks (it was a defining moment tho)” →