“nobody’s coming.”

i saw that quote today and it was some real shit.
one of those type of quotes that is a blunt reality.
most of us are waiting for:

a prince charming
“things to change”
a cavalry to come and wreak havoc on those who hurt us

the truth is they ain’t coming.
nobody is coming to help or rescue you.
i learned that with my life and even with the foxhole…

Continue reading “nobody is coming to help you (sos)” →

FOXMAIL

Dear Jamari Fox,

A few months ago, I was introduced to your blog and instantly became a fan. This is the first black gay blog that I have ever been exposed to and I’m here for it!

I am emailing you to seek your opinion on love. I once believed in love until all my recent encounters with men. I have dated within and out of my race (Black). Dating within my race, I end up with a men who don’t know what it is they want out of relationships, has problems with their masculinity, massive manipulators. Dating outside of my race, I end up with two good healthy relationships but we just did not connect on a cultural level. Personally, I believe it is hella important to have that cultural connection in a relationship.

I don’t think I ask for much in a relationship. I want someone who is honest, supportive, trustworthy, lovable, and someone who is ambitious on reaching success (whatever that looks like for them).

To make a long story short, it has been hit or miss even with the guys close to my age and older. I’m aware the problem could be myself, the people I attract, or both. I don’t want to just give up completely on love but… ????????‍♂️

I battle with if it is possible to find black gay love? Find someone who doesn’t lie, manipulate, cheat, or intentionally try to hurt you? Maybe you will have some answers for me because I’m sure someone has posed this question before me. Can’t wait to hear your response.

Sincerely,

Leo-da-Hybrid

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: will i ever find that “black gay love” thing?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

So I hope you’ve been doing good personally and professionally! I haven’t really gotten a chance to read or even comment on the blog. I’m deep in Georgia taking care of my dad who has dementia. I’ve been viewing when I get a chance or time to myself.

I don’t know if you remember us talking but I remember mentioning a guy I dealt with years ago that was addicted to meth. I haven’t spoken with him in years. From time to time, I would call his last known number and leave voicemails and texts in the hopes that we would speak. I’ve been in Georgia since April and even then, I called his phone hoping that I would get him. It was one day last week that I was sitting down and I got a message on A4A by someone who called me by name. It was him. I damn near cried Jamari. He updated his phone number and gave it to me. We talked. I told him about my moving to Florida and wanting to go to Flatbush to speak to his mother (my best friend didn’t think it was a good idea) to ask for him. He told me he’s been going to church with his mother in Brooklyn and he’s been looking for me too. I asked him was he taking care of himself and he said that there’s a lot of things he wants to speak to me about when I do come back to New York. I’m assuming it’s about the drug use. I will say that he sounded less erratic now than he did in the past.

Jamari, let me be perfectly honest. I’ve dealt with men who were more handsome, better off financially, bigger, tighter, and drug free. I don’t know why I feel what I feel for this man, but every man I have ever dealt with cannot compare to him. I love him and have always loved him. He is 2 years younger than me. We would stay in my apartment all weekend watching movies and fucking. We would talk about so many things. But his drug use is what made me stay away from him. The more comfortable he got with me, the more he got open in his use of meth around me. The last time I saw him was either in 2014 or 2015 and I went to his condo in the Bronx. It was a Chinatown traphouse. We were about to mess around but, he needed to take a hit before he could perform. I left abruptly and avoided his calls and texts.

I come back to New York on June 17 and we are supposed to catch up when I get back. I know myself. I know that when I see him, I’m going to hold him and start crying. I have been looking and searching for this man literally for years and I made a promise to myself that I were to ever find him, I can’t let him go. I don’t know why I love him, but he is spiritually familiar to me. Happiness is all I feel when he comes around. I haven’t let go of the hope that I would see him or be with him again, and I feel that life has given me a second chance at happiness with the one that loves me.

Am I making the right decision in inviting this man back into my life or am I setting myself up for an even bigger letdown?

Kind regards,

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I’m Still In Love With My Meth Addicted Ex! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Good Day, Jamari. Much love to you

I am seeking your input and advice because I am having an issue that involves family.

To start I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my family. Imagine being raised adopted, Muslim, and then coming out gay to your family. But through all of that hardship I am faced with a new issue; making a decision to live on my own terms for me and only me. It has taken me a long time to make this decision because I have always been putting others first and accommodating their needs and running myself dry. I recently moved into my new apartment and I am currently being viewed as selfish from my mother and certain members of my family because I will not allow a sibling to move in. I live in a one bedroom and I wouldn’t mind having my sister move in however she is not responsible with finances and I am not taking a chance with the roof over my head or having someone attempt to live for free. If you knew my family, it’s as if certain people are looking for a ride. I’ve also payed very close attention recently stating how when I use to ask for help nobody would help, not my mom, sister, aunt, cousins, so of course I had to grind. But when others needed me or just wanted something I never hesitated unless I did not have it. Now, I’m saying no to almost everything to protect myself, to assure that my security is set and I’m considered selfish. I have unrealistic dreams and goals but I’m very certain that those same people who consider my goals and dreams unreal will be the first ones to want to reap those benefits. This is hard to write because i am talking about family who are supposed to love you. Instead I feel as if I can never win because of the nonsense and greed. These members can’t call me to see how I am doing but can ask for a birthday gift or anything money related and I’m just like “okay but WTF”. My heart is open and always will be. However I do feel as if that wall to guard me (which I never wanted) is being constructed and honestly I’m going through a much needed change.

Excuse me if this was way to long, I am just going through a emotional and mental struggle that is rooted from resent to family. Now I already recognized this and attempted to rectify these issues by accepting their behaviors and just moving forward with my life but they always find a way to get what they need from me.

What do you think I should do? I have cut them off months at a time and in those months found peace and still missed them. I am feeling that I may need to cut them off longer than a months even years so I am able to fully and presently focus on me without thinking twice about how my family would be affected by my dreams and goals. HELP! Because this is not even the full or half of it.

Love you.

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: My Family Is Trying To Destroy Me! Help!” →

so ^this handsome wolf is missing down in texas.
his name is patrick harris,
he is an army veteran,
and he is an aspiring comedian.
his friend posted this on his ig asking for help…
Continue reading “The Wolf Who Is Missing Down In Texas” →

the other morning,
well the morning i first started the temp job,
i was early af and the mta decided to play me.

“There is train traffic ahead of us”

it had us stuck in a tunnel for about 15 minutes.
by that point,
my anxiety started to get the best of me.
it wasn’t the type of train we could walk between cars.
it felt like i was in a packed steel box.
i had to turn on the “brilliant idiots” podcast to keep me focused.
thank God for charlamagne and andrew.
so i’m surprised no one sued yet with this following story.
the “f” train in new yawk stalls in a tunnel,
the lights shut off,
the a/c goes out,
and panic ensues.
sounds like a horror movie.
well this is the story via the ny times…
Continue reading ““F” Is For “Fucked” On The F Train” →