mental homework: (23)

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_filename_640i have been holding a lot in when it came to work wolf.
the feeling of not being able to share it had me emotionally sick.
i felt like i as crying out for help,
needing someone to listen to me.
i got a lot of emails asking about work wolf tho.
it was crazy the amount of people felt comforted with my saga.
they were also dealing with their own “work wolves”.
it wasn’t until i read this comment from zen buddha

I know this is kinda late but Jamari please start writing about work wolf again. I actually went through something similar but I had to face the facts that it wasn’t going to happen between me and him because unlike work wolf, my crush has a steady girlfriend and they plan on getting married. I became so obsessed with this dude. The only way to stop myself from crushing was to try to convince my subconscious that he was ugly, and it worked… for a little bit. His voice alone is a big turn on. I’m so jealous of his girlfriend. Especially when they kiss each other in front of me. It makes me feel like even more of a weirdo freak that he doesn’t know how deep my affection for him goes. I can’t tell you how pissed I was that I had a dream with him in it in which I became lucid and tried to kiss him. And guess what?! This motherfucker wouldn’t open his mouth. I woke up like “How in the hell are you gonna control my own damn dream.” Makes no sense. The one time I’d get to be intimate with him and his dream-self ruined it.

This blog is many things and one of those things was supposed to be a journal/diary for yourself. You should be able to say/vent about anything you want. Regardless of how me or anyone else feels about it. You said you weren’t going to write about ww anymore for the new year but let’s just say you were trying it out to see how it would go and it didn’t work out. You shouldn’t have to keep your feelings bottled up. Trust me, I’m doing that right now because I have no one to talk to about what I’m going through mentally. My ww saga was just the icing on the already unstable cake to my daily mental struggles. I constantly flip flop from feeling good to bad to okay to “I wanna die!”

This blog is not called Jamari Fox it’s called INSIDE Jamari Fox. So let us in. Many of the foxhole commenters could be giving you some great advice on this situation like they have in past entries. And if anyone has a problem with you talking about work wolf or something else you’re going through, insert a Beyonce “to the left, to the left” gif, because no one is holding a gun to their heads forcing them to read it.

I wanna know what’s been going on from the last time you wrote about him, all the way to now. And don’t leave out any of your feelings on those happenings.


my mental sanity revolves around expressing myself to the foxhole.
if i can’t express my highs and lows,
the dumb moments and triumphs,
then i will shut this down and bow out gracefully.
would people rather me pretend i’m okay?
its like we are so use to attentionistos/tas lying.
we are also not use to strong animals showing weakness.

well none of that is an option for me.
if you say you like me,
and support me,
you will be there for me no matter what i deal with.
even if i’m looking crazy.
i would do the same for you.
so i will continue to write about work wolf.
those entries will always have a wolf picture.
you don’t have to read it.
i won’t cry or get mad.
those who do,
and want to leave me good advice,
they are welcomed to do so.
this situation is now part of my journey.
you don’t have to attend this portion if you chose not to.

thank you.

“maybe what they see as drama,
i see more as art…”

15 thoughts on “mental homework: (23)

  1. I have to agree with you continuing to write your truth. I just started actively participating in the comments but I have been reading for a long time. If part of your truth is omitted, it just feels like it wouldn’t be Jamari. And as you said so yourself, reserving that part of your life which is causing you a great deal of stress will be counterproductive. So speak on it and you will have continued support from over here.

  2. J, there are probably many who may be going through similar scenarios (and may not want to admit it), so your stories with this dude is like an outlet to them…as well as yourself. What we don’t realize is that what we say and do can and does have an effect on others, whether we know it or not, either through our actions or words. Keep doing what you do so well!

    1. ^i agree c.

      i got a ton of emails begging me to write after i stopped because it was helping them.
      truthfully i felt really lost not being able to share it on my platform.

  3. I’m really glad Zen Buddha left that comment, he expressed what a lot of foxholes have been feeling. I agree you needed a break from posting from him but as what has been stated this is your space to post and say whatever you want.

    Your Work Wolf saga has had its ups and downs and you should be able to express whatever you are going through with it. I’m sure you already know but the foxhole is a variety of foxes, vixens, and wolves who have different opinions on the situation. I think everyone has your best instead at heart and just don’t want to see you get any more hurt than what you’ve being given before. You’re going to get comments from supporting to opposition and as kind as you can handled it, do you.

    1. ^thanks mikey.

      i noticed once i stopped writing about it,
      it felt like i had no voice when something really bothered me.
      i’m glad zen wrote what he wrote.
      it helped me to release again.

      i realize tho people wont agree.
      i don’t need “yes” people,
      but some were being extremely nasty so that’s why i stopped.
      there is a way to give an opinion without being insulting.

      1. I agree, I don’t know how you do it sometimes. Some of those comments felt more attacking than helping and sometimes it would be from commenters who only commented on the WW saga and not your other posts.

  4. Jamari… I don’t comment much on your site, but I do love the site and rarely miss a posting… I agree, this is your outlet to let loose, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can fall back… Write what the hell you want, whenever you want, and the ones who truly love you and your site will always be there. Keep up the great work, and I look forward to many more posts!!!

  5. I have soooo been waiting on this!! Gawd I Been way overdue for a work wolf refill hell I been dealing with one from my past that just popped up so I am looking forward to the continuing saga. If folks don’t like it that can go to the left because at the end of the day I think deep inside we either have one or are envious of what you have

      1. I totally understand where your coming from, and trust me I do believe you when you say that because this situation has had its moments that has pushed you to the brink and back. I’m just glad your getting better at it, still a work in progress but without progression there is no growth

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