“how much bags do you have to go on this trip?”
i have about 3 big ones.
a pulley suitcase.
a standard one.
and a backpack.
they are heavy as shit.
no wonder i have so much pack pain.
when i try to walk, it slows me down.
don’t even think about running.
they always make me late for my bus.
the one i need to take to get to the other side.
faster.
the one that i keep missing….
it bugs me, ya know?
i always think,
“well, ok, let me just go back and re-pack them again”.
but every time i get to that bus station,
i am always stopped and told i have too much.
maybe i need to take out “scared“.
that is a major one that is taking up a ton of space.
i also need to take out, “hurt“.
that is what i keep pulling as it holds me back.
i should also remove, “doubt” and “fear“.
i don’t know where they came from exactly,
but they looked good to hide in between my shit.
in the biggest one,
it is holding everything that hurt me in all my years of life.
from failed relationships,
loneliness woes,
the hurt of loss,
fake friendships,
broken trust,
and the sadness of falling for straight wolves.
sometimes i feel like a freak.
i look around and everyone around me is gliding through life.
they find clever ways to hide their baggage.
that is, until you get to know them and they dump all their shit on you.
or worst, you meet that great person and they drop their bags and run.
i’m not trying to be that person.
i refuse to drop my weight on someone else.
it is hard enough with my own bags.
this time, i’ll scratch this trip.
i’m not ready.
i can’t bring all of this stuff where i am trying to go.
i need to seriously learn to pack light.
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Everyone has baggage of some sort even though it doesn’t show. It may seem people are hiding their issues, but it looks that way because we’re not inside their minds. I always say that we don’t know what others are thinking or what they may be going through. We get to see their issues when the shit hits the fan. We all go through shit that affects our future and becomes baggage for other people. At times we don’t mean to put our baggage on other people, but sometimes our baggage steps in and get in the way. It’s just something that we have to deal with.
Everyone is not gliding through life, not matter how they appear on the outside. Especially before the age of thirty, it appears there is a unwritten rule that you either have to deal with a fatal flaw or some colossal mistake you made earlier in life.
If it doesn’t kill it is going to make you stranger (stranger isn’t a typo).
The trick is determining right now, wherever your are in life, how to live as closely to your ideal life as possible considering your circumstances. The problem is that there is no one else in world who can this for you except you.
^and that is the hard part.
we all want to be perfect.
to live in this world with no mistakes.
if only it was that easy to just wipe your slate clean and start again…
I never wanted to be perfect.
I wanted to be heard.
I feel like I missed some opportunities by not speaking up for myself or out when the occasion demanded it. But I assure you those lonely days are over.
Mistakes and failures are needed in life. How else are we going to grow as individuals. Think of everything you have gone through. What were those lessons. Why would you want to erase all of that away?
^i agree.
“i never wanted to be perfect.
i wanted to be heard.”
quote of my day.
i also agree with the learning.
if i didn’t go through x,
i wouldn’t have learned y.
@iceededppl… Idk if it’s that you wanna erase it, because all the things and experiences that you go through are what make you the person that you are.. But it gets to a point that it’s time to put those things away because they are no longer useful… For example: if you have a good man, that’s amazing and treats you well, why would you continue to hold on to the thoughts and memories of the ex that dogged you? Those feelings are no longer necessary, and they could possibly ruin your current relationship if you don’t let it go… Ijs
My entire being is probably built around the shit I carry. The fear, defense mechanisms, and the pain have made me a very calculating person. Everything is (over)analyzed until a resolution is achieved. I never just “go for it”. Everything I say and do is thought out…for the most part.
If I say something hurtful during an heated exchange. I meant every word.
If it “seems” like I’m drunk and I say some wreckless shit, that wasn’t liquor talking.
The only thing I’ve ever in my life been impetuous about is sex and who I engage in it with and even that has changed.
One thing I can honestly say is I don’t inflict my baggage on other people.
^so you are saying that it has helped you?
IDK, but I’m leaning more towards no.
I think there comes a time in every person’s life when they have to ask themselves “why am I holding on to all this?”
As ugly as it sounds, I had to admit to myself I didn’t want to be happy and carefree. I would rather hold on to everything as some form of punishment because I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.
You know how some people love drama? Well some people prefer to be unhappy because it’s all they know. They would rather stay miserable than be happy for second, only to be miserable again. Then you have those who punishing for not being who they think they should be. I could go on and on.
If you really, truly believe you’re worthy of happiness. Letting baggage go isn’t really that hard.
^very deep breakdown jay.
i had to do some self reflecting after reading.
This really hit home with me because not only do I have baggage, but I hoard! I have a tendency to continue talking to every ex, never getting over the relationship, hanging onto friends, and a plethora of other things I refuse to let go and I pack them away, and take them everywhere I go!
^ how do you successfully unpack and get rid of all the baggage?
that is the Martha Stewart question of the day….
I think that the trick to unpacking is to work on one thing at a time, and not to take on any new projects (boyfriends, lovers, jobs, friends, etc) until you’re done.. Because every time you add something else you lose focus, and add something onto the unpacking that you began. I think where we all mess up is that before we can unpack, we’re constantly trying to add new, better, and more to make ourselves feel good when we still have a lot of old shit that we are holding onto
I thought u were really taking a trip.. -_-
My mama always said: “Take 2 suitcases…pack one inside of the other…pack light…and buy whatever you don’t have when you get where you are going”
Lol you can take that however u like
^lol
ya know,
it fits the theme of the entry stevie.