have you ever looked at your life,
and pinpointed the exact moment things hit the wall?
it could have been that life changing accident,
or when you had to climb from the bottom up,
but it was the moment you realized:
this is my life and it sucks.
time to change the outcome.”
that is when we want to change.
the urge to fight for something better.
when you look back at your story,
that is where the “shift” started.
well i think i did that today…
it started when i was taking my stuff out of boxes.
i was in my new cubicle at this new spot.
all the snow bunnies were happily skipping around.
they were excited about the new area and all the possibilities.
i looked at them and didn’t feel the same energy within myself.
i actually felt like i was in a cage.
in this cage was my desk and the shackles was microsoft outlook.
to these snow bunnies,
this was their passion.
to work at this company and use it as a business card.
some of them were born into nepotism.
others were living with 6 roommates in a 2 bedroom in order to survive.
they still bounce around,
cry when they get yelled at,
but somehow make it to the next level.
snow bunnies and wolves have it so easy.
my caramel ass is past my expiration date.
my boss gonna tell us this morning in a quick meeting,
that since liar liar is leaving,
we can’t take any vacations/sick days until sepetember.
this is when they plan on hiring someone to fill her position.
not only that,
i have to carry her load as well as mine.
you are such a great worker!
we need you to be a team player!”
at that moment,
i felt the urge to get my shit and walk out the door.
all my fantasies of getting fired rushed to my head and caused brain freeze.
the problem is that i did such a good job,
and have such a stellar reputation,
that everyone is now looking to me to be the back up rescue ranger.
“chip” nor “dale” is my name.
i didn’t get a lunch or break today.
liar liar didn’t come in and i had so much shit to do.
i was lucky to grab a slice of pizza they catered,
but this is a preview of what’s to come.
not only was i unpacking shit,
but i had to answer emails and run behind my boss with his issues.
they had to tell me to “smile”.i was definitely not a snow bunny today.
i come home feeling tired as fuck.
i can literally sleep all night and the whole weekend.
my passion is being fucked with.
the foxhole is my passion.
it’s like this job is trying to replace that.
Why can’t the animals in my career speak as highly as they do at this job?
well i’m not in my career so…
i don’t want to feel like a slave any longer at this 9-5.
there needs to be an escape plan in order.
i was left asking myself…
What do i need to sacrifice in order to “make it”?
…but with rent/bills that needs to be paid,
and mi being so sketchy with her portion,
will my “sacrifice” leave me on the streets?
this is when i start feeling doomed.
low-key: i don’t want to leave this job on some ratchet shit,
as i have built such a professional reputation,
but i do want to go.
i just need to figure out the plan after i go.