today’s service at td jakes church was a good one.
something was said this morning that got all in me.
well it was his cub,
jermaine,
who actually said it during service.
first lady of the potter’s house,
serita jakes,
celebrated her birthday today.
she turned 60 years old.
most of her cubs had something to share,
but what her son said stuck with me…
so he was saying how he has felt ugly and unaccepted.
he told a story how he went to his mother and told her how he unattractive he felt.
as he was telling her this,
she said:
“jermaine.
are you calling me ugly?”
“no ma’am.”
so he goes back into his “woe is me” and kept questioning his looks again.
“jermaine.
you got about one more time to call me ugly.”
he didn’t understand what she was trying to say,
but she explained to him why she was saying it.
she was letting him know that he is a reflection of her.
he also looks like her so if he calling himself ugly,
then he is also calling her ugly as well.
after he said that,
i looked at a picture of both of my parents.
they were very attractive people,
especially my mother.
people say i look most like her.
in my most brutal insecure moments in life,
i would always question my looks and who i am as a person.
i would ask myself if i was more of a (he)bitch,
would i be in a higher position in life?
lord knows this weekend,
i have been over thinking my role in the “work wolf” fall out.
i was a (he)bitch with him and he has me on ignore.
even though my parents had their moments with me,
i cannot say that they didn’t raise me to be a good fox.
i also cannot sit here and say i am ugly when i have an “off” day.
we all have “off” days.
all of my good traits came from my parents.
my heart and soul.
if i am rashin’ on me,
then i am doing the same to my parents and how they raised me.
no bueno.
foxhole.
for those who were raised by their parents,
outwardly and inwardly,
we are a reflection of who they are.
you even have their quirks.
yes.
you actually are your mama.
some of you are like your grandparents.
that’s a whole nother story.
our parents were not easy and even put the fear in our hearts.
they may have been tough and hurt our feelings,
but when we look past those things,
they actually taught us valuable life lessons.
there is always a message in their mess.
find it.
so next time you feel down,
and there is nothing wrong with having a bad day or three,
always remember you are a reflection of the ones who raised you.
ask yourself this:
Are you showing their hard work to the world?
low-key: for those who weren’t raised by their parents,
you were still created by someone.
even if they weren’t there,
you are still representing yourself in this world.
life and its lessons have molded you into the person you are.
I said the same thing as a kid, “I’m ugly.” But my Mom always validated my character and look. She must have known what she was doing bc whenever I feel loved I can remember what she would tell me 🙂 I’ll love my parents always and forever
Well said Jamari! I’m a lot like my mother, but I’m even more like my grandparents in mindset. It’s an interesting mix lol.
Wow this was deep on so many levels. As someone who has lost both parents that I was very close too, I can see myself in both of my parents. I find myself thinking about what would they do in this situation. I also still worry about doing something that would embarrass them even if they are not here. Having a good name was important to my father and its equally as important to me.
I am actually at the place in my life where I am a little depressed because I dont have any cubs. I suppressed my desire for a family when I knew I could not live a double life, sometimes I wonder would I be more happier if I would have denied my true sexuality and married and had children because at least I would have a legacy. The unhappiness you experience living a gay lifestyle at times could not be any worse. Maybe, this str8 world thinking of everyone is supposed to be married with kids, has got to me LoL.
wow tajan, this touched me. I often wonder the same thing abut my future. I wonder if I have convinced myself that I don’t want a family as a justification for my sexuality, or if that’s what I really want. Idk, I know don’t want a wife lol, and I dont want kids for at least another 20 years but what happens after that? I’m still trying to figure that part out.
I do feel that at some point I would want a “legacy” too, but I just can’t envision it. The gay life is really a challenge sometimes, I felt your every word.
Have you ever considered adoption? or even some sort of alternative? (surrogate, etc)?
Yeah every state permits gay adoption .Florida was the last state to drop the ban.A great place to adopt is through your local foster care system.The cost is minimal to apply to be a foster parent which will you allow you to adopt a child whose parents parental rights have been terminated.More than half of the kids available for adoption are Black.Surrogacy is very expensive unless you find a female friend with health insurance who is willing to carry the baby.
This is a little off topic but since Jermaine was arrested for soliciting gay sex or charged for indecent exposure,is he living a discreet gay life or is he ” straight”. For the people in Atlanta,what’s his deal six years after the arrest?
I agree…great message!
Love this message!
i always wonder those who out people to the world…
did their parents raise them to do nasty things like that?
even though you can’t blame the parents for fucked up cubs…
The words are very true. My father always told us that we are a reflection of him, and that we didn’t need to be out in the streets carrying on and acting like fools, because we were not brought up like that.
He would say to us to not be out there embarrassing him, and if we were to ever get in trouble, we had one get out of jail free card…so to speak. Only one of us ever had to use it, and sadly he didn’t learn his lesson. To this day I live my life that way, making sure I don’t do anything that will shame my parents, because I was not brought up that way.
This reminds of an article I read about phobias and how it can be inherited by memories of our ancestors that is passed on to later new generation. Like reincarnation or something. Sometime I think we’re copies of our ancestors.
Great Message!!