i couldn’t wait to get home to write about this.
so the afternoon got pretty quiet at my job.
liar liar had said some nonsense about me earlier,
but i did my best to ignore her and her foolishness.
so my spirit has been telling me to do the following the last couple days.
like urging me to do so.
i felt a little nervous,
but i said why not?
it told me to go meet with the president of the company’s assistant…

i know what you’re thinking:

“what the fuck did you do?”

hold on!
i’m getting to it!
sheesh!
so i called her extension and asked her if i could talk to her.
she said sure and told me come up to her office.
i got up like i was going over to the bathroom,
but i was actually headed to the elevator.
when i got there,
even though i was tense as hell,
i asked:

“so i have a question,
and i don’t know if this is my place to ask this,
but can i use you as a reference?”

“sure…
but you can’t.”

yeah.
i think she saw my face instantly crack and hit the floor.
i felt my heart stop and my whole body heat up.
then she goes:

“you can’t leave here because i will be very upset!
are you trying to leave?“

i smiled and reassured i wasn’t leaving yet,
but the way how my job position is set up…
it would be pretty much against my will.
then she goes:

“jamari you are pretty much the best worker in that department.
you do your job very well and you are a pleasure to work with.
i would hate to see you leave,
but if you decide it’s time to go,
please warn me.
  of course you can use me as a reference.”

i was so happy.
i got up and immediately shook her hand.
i’m sure it was covered in sweat.
i want to get all my ducks swans in a row.
even though i have no job leads right now,
you never know when someone will try and pull the okey doke.
i legit walked out her office and exhaled.
getting a reference from her is actually a really big deal.
i’m glad i listened to my spirit and went for it.

lowkey: i am proud of myself today.
really really fuckin’ proud.
thank you god for showing me my light.