I WOULD ACTUALLY BUY YOUR ALBUM, LIVIN' THIS LIFE WE LIVE

i have mayhem happening inside me

jamari fox March 12, 2025

What does someone’s album really say to you?

is it just sound or something deeper,
something that speaks to you personally?
i recently got caught up in a challenge with cousin hybrid called “cymatics”.
the idea is to listen to just one artist for 30 days,
tuning your mind and soul into their frequencies.
i picked lady gaga; he’s all in on lenny kravitz.
we’re both diving deep into the vibes and seeing what we find.
so here’s how i’m taking gaga’s new album,
“mayhem“,
into my life…

the first track,
“disease“,
has me thinking about a male thinks his disease is his sexuality.
he’s wrestling with his truth and it’s keeping him sick.
another male steps in and says,
“i can heal you with love and that cure will feel like salvation“.

“abracadabra” feels like casting a spell on your life,
shifting your mindset with a chant.
it’s about that magic (joy) we are chasing until one day,
we stop looking and just let it happen.

“garden of eden” is pure seduction.
it’s a deep dive into the power of sexuality,
owning it,
and using it as strength.

“perfect celebrity” has all the anger of being misunderstood.
it’s that constant battle of wanting to fit in,
but never allowing yourself to fully show up as your real self.

“vanish into you” hits that spot of yearning for someone who slipped away.
it’s that bittersweet moment when you realize they’re gone,
but you’re still there,
feeling invisible and silently yearning for them.

“killah” is about well,
fucking.

not just any fucking but the kind where you know you are determined to turn someone out.

“zombieboy” continues the story from “disease”.
he’s in a relationship with a vixen,
but something is changing within him.
the animal inside him,
the sexuality he’s kept hidden,
is waking up.
when she’s not around,
he starts hunting for another male,
discovering what he has denied within himself.

“lovedrug” speaks to that waiting and that aching for God’s love.
it’s the tension between needing and wanting,
and finding comfort in the chaos.

“how bad do u want me” is a challenging another male.
it’s saying,
“yeah,
you’re confused but let’s be 110:
you’re not fooling anyone and i’m not the person you are with.
you are attracted to me because in your mind,
i break all the rules and i’m free to be myself.”

it’s the revelation that the life he’s been living,
the relationships he’s been pretending in,
are nothing more than illusions.
legit thought taylor swift was on this track.
it sounds like one of her songs.

“dont call tonight” is the voice of all those insecurities,
all the fears that keep you awake late at night.

“shadow of a man” is heavy for me.
it’s feeling like you’re in God’s shadow,
not sure you’re loved or seen through the storm.
it’s that moment of doubt when you need a reminder that you’re not in his shadow.

“the beast” is when the other male finally gives in to his sexuality.
it’s the first time he lets himself be fully be who he is,
no apologies,
and ready to fuck you.

“blade of grass” and “die with a smile” are when someone finally loves you.
when you can finally find someone to quiet all the mayhem happening within you.