I think it is time to finally say it out loud.
Okay, before you think anything, let me warn you….
It is bad.
Not bad like AIDS or HIV bad.
No, I didn’t kill anyone or attempt to kill.
No running over dogs, cats, or other animals.
I pee standing up and I do not wear wigs.
I only stole once… okay twice… and I got caught and was scarred for life.
(Do you know what they do to pretty Foxes like me in jail?)
No, this is something more serious… or maybe it isn’t….
I, Jamari Fox, have anxiety attacks.
I am not perfect…. in that aspect of my life.
I do not know where they started from or how they got this bad.
Lately, I have been a wreck.
My mind takes me places and then it leaves me all fucked up.
It has been effecting me in ways you cannot imagine.
I have always been a worrier.
I think I got it from my parents, especially my mother.
She worried about EVERYTHING.
She worried about me taking the bus at 13, in fear of being snatched up and anally raped.
Little did she know, it depending on the raper.
Ok…. kinda not funny.
Either way, I am walking into a bigger things in my life and career.
Places where, unfortunately, I cannot bring anxiety.
I need to be always “on” and this is turning me “off“.
I start to feel like I am choking and then I can’t breathe.
My clothes start feeling tight and I either want to faint or throw up.
It is the worst because I HATE throwing up in public.
So I have accepted this sudden twist of fate… and I want to change it.
I know, it all starts in the mind but I feel like I am losing control.
It is something that CAN be changed…