i got a ton of foxmails.
i will get to all of them soon.
i promise.

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

So here’s the thing. From April 2012 to Feb 2014, I was dating this younger wolf who I met at a party hosted by my best friend and I. Flashback – Back in Dec 2011 we hosted a hotel room party. Only a select few guys were invited and they each brought a guest. He was a guest of someone invited by my best friend. So the party is poppin’, drinks are flowing, I’m tipsy as hell and I stumble upon this tall, dark, handsome juvie tucked away in the bathroom of our hotel room. So I’m like “who are you, and what are you doing in my bathroom”…He responds, “this really isn’t my scene, but my friend doesn’t wanna leave, can I just chill here?” Turns out he was D/L and felt uncomfortable…Long story short, he never left the bathroom and neither did I, but it was just great conversation at the time. At this point I’m 23, he was 19. By the end of the night we had exchanged numbers and never lost contact, and by April of 2012 we were dating.

The difficult thing about our relationship was that it was long distance from the jump because I was away at college in the US, and only visited home (the Bahamas) about 4 or 5 time in the year. So I believe we never had a strong foundation to help us with the difficulties of a long distance relationship. Even so, I fell head over heels for this guy, and I believed he loved me too, but he was D/L so sometimes he tried to pond me off as just another male friend, and of course there were issues with females because he never got to a place where he accepted his sexuality. He dipped and dabbled between males and females, and my friends would always have some story about where he was, or who he was with. But besides that, the sex was sooooooo good. For a young wolf, he was dicking me down like no other. I had been with guys my age, or older in the past but no one was stroking like he was. He was funny, a man’s man, played basketball (as I cheered on the sidelines incognito, with the other basketball wives), and did all the typical shit that would make you fall in love with a TRADE.

Fast forward— after almost 2 years of ups and downs he dumps me on my birthday in Feb 2014. His excuse?  He needs to find himself and I “deserve better” than him. I was so heart broken. Even at this point today, I’m still in love with this guy. I think about him every day, about the sex we had, and about how he made laugh. And even though he’s moved on and currently in relationship with a female that I know very well, I’m stuck in this place of confusion because I truly think we belong together, and I cant even begin to think about having sex with someone else.

I’ve been trying my hardest to move on but I cant. I’ve been pursued by other men since him, but I keep comparing them to him and they just don’t meet the mark. I’ve even had a Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale moment, trying to get over this dude. I used to have really long dread locks, and cut them all off standing in a mirror. Why? Because he loved my hair, and I wanted to get rid of it just because he liked it. I’m battling the decision of contacting him to try and reconnect in some way, or at least have a conversation because I think I need closure to move on. We have not seen each other since the day we broke up, but we follow each other on social media. We no longer have each other’s phone number.

What should I do?

MY ANSWER…

i remember i met this wolf couple years ago.
like 06-07-ish.
he was fine.
when i tell you he could be a “tumblr reblog”?

light skin.
thick.
super masculine.
low-key just how i like em
at the time,
he was in the middle of joining a frat.
i didn’t even have to hit him up.
he would hit me up without any effort.
this one really liked me.

sidebar: don’t y’all love a wolf who is goofy?
like he will hit you up in the middle of the day with a smiley face,
or an egglant emoji,
just to put a smile on your face?
again:

anyhoo…
he was dl,
but he wasn’t comfortable as a “human”.
he was painfully insecure about his body and foxes.
even tho he was fine,
he thought everyone was out to cheat on him.
he assumed i used him and proceed to drop me.
we talked for like 2 years,
no sex besides making out,
and it all ended in 2 seconds.
i would call him up to no response.
emails not answered.
at the time,
aim and yahoo chat was poppin’…
IGNORED.
i was so tite because i really liked this wolf.
even thinking about him now and the way he made me feel,
i could see myself being “his fox” for a long time.
i saw him online years later through a friend of a friend.
what a small world it is.
he is now in a frat,
graduated,
and living good.
like really good.
he also looks waaaaayyyyyyyyyyy BETTER now.
like…
bawdy is on fleek.
he cut his hair so it has him looking like an exxotical.
i missed him and was tempted to hit him up when i realized something.

he doesn’t want me anymore.

reader: your wolf is over.
you already answered your own question.
first of all,
your foundation wasn’t really established.
you were away most of the time in college.
every time you came home,
he was dickin’ you down like a good wolf should.
the whole situation was based on “sex and more” on your end.

now you can’t help who you fall in love with.
I’m not judging because most dl wolves are everything we want.
i feel there are two types of dls:

dl: uncomfortable
dl: comfortable

the first type is so dl that its hard to really connect.
too much of “him” he has to conquer.
he will drive you crazy with his situation.

the second type is an inch above becoming discreet,
he is in the closet because of work or status,
but will still entertain a dude in privacy with no fucks to give.
he is the type to be more open and honest even tho he is dl.

i personally think you should move on.
he has.
the best way to get over him is:

delete everything
unfollow immediately
“out of sight and out of mind” is the new motto.

the more you keep in your background,
the more you think about him in your foreground.
it is even effecting potential suitors who are interested.
don’t miss out on the better wolf because of your past.
so starting today,
you will start the process of letting go.
he doesn’t want you anymore and YOU have to accept that.
start to think of the ways you both are NOT compatible.
i can see it and you need to be on the same page.
good sex is temporary to a long term shit-uation.
and think about it like this:

he will not love anyone else,
fox or vixen,
until he works on him.
he will cheat while playing everyone like checkers.
reader: you need to play chess.

this even goes for wolves who are discreet or out.
the role doesn’t matter if the person is a dawg.
there is nothing wrong with playing in the dl forests,
but you have to be in control or they will emotionally destroy you.
its time to let this one good before he makes you bitter.
i hope this helped and please keep me updated!

love,
jamari fox

advice: CONTACT