FOXMAIL
Hi Jamari,
I just want to start and say that I really love your blog. I’ve subscribed to get alert from your site when you post and when there’s a comment. At school, at work (sometimes), I read it all the time, though I may not comment all the time. I’ve saved some of your tips (apps, personal hygiene, reviews etc) for further reference. You also give superb advice. As a result, this is why I’m here.
I work at a home improvement retailer and there is this guy that my department collaborate with often. We both work in different departments. He is 6 years my junior (I’m 27, he’s 21). Every time we interact, there is always some hint of interest on both our behalves. We always greet each other with a handshake but on one occasion, he did the index finger in the palm handshake.
I was surprised. The first occasion I played it off. The second time that it happened, I approached him and asked him if he knew what it meant. He said he did and that he and he did it to another guy at work who is straight (funny enough I managed to find out that he didn’t). So again I sorta brushed it off but looked at him with the side eye.
Recently, he began touching my goatee in jest while in conversation (sometimes when we’re alone and sometimes in the presence of coworkers and customers). One time he did that, I asked him if he is gay and he denied it. I told him that no self respecting “straight” guy would do the things he have done. Even after that convo, he still continues to do it and I just feign ignorance.
I’m not out there at work and I can count on one hand (of the 300+ people that work there) how many people at work know that I’m gay. So I ask, how do I go about letting this guy know that, 1) I’m also interested in him and 2) the best possible way to do so. I rather something when we are one-on-one. He says that he’s not gay but I find this hard to believe since his actions say otherwise (no straight guy I know would do the finger palm handshake with a guy not once but twice or touch the face of a guy in that way). Any advice from you and / or the foxhole, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
MY ANSWER…
well first off thank you so much for the love!
you know it is always appreciated!
nowadays work seems to be the only place we meet “us”.
we spend 8 or so hours a day with people that become family.
why you think the boss starts bangin’ his assistant or some intern?
he sees them more than he sees his wife.
the problem with work romances is the messy residue it can leave behind.
god forbid someone gets jealous,
bat shit cray cray,
or you can’t stand to see each other.
it will go from:
“look at bae with his sexy ass”
to
“i hope the building collapses on him”
as you know,
i had some work crushes when i first got to my job.
i still do.
over time tho,
and with all the bs that has been happening,
i’m glad nothing ever developed with these trife ass pineapples.
it doesn’t mean i won’t look.
that was my disclaimer.
lets get into why you emailed me…
from the description you gave,
this animal of yours seems like he maybe ready.
he is doing things to obviously let you know its real.
my thing is why is he acting like a teenage vixen in the process?
don’t you hate that?
all these damn games.
like pineapple,
cut it out and lets exchange numbers.
dammit!
that right there should be the first red flag.
he is doing things to tease you,
but he isn’t being upfront with his feelings towards you.
he is acting like a virgin out here.
plus he is being extra obvious in front of co workers.
that part made me wonder if he was trying to set you up?
potential red flag #2.
if you still want to pursue,
and i know you do,
see if you guys can hang out beyond work settings.
find a good happy hour spot and sniff out what the vibe is like.
get some dranks in him and slip into his head.
drunk words can be sober thoughts.
don’t express any interest until he puts his cards on the table.
…like the whole deck.
don’t even fuck him until you figure out if he will be potentially messy.
if he declines to hang out after work,
then let that go and keep him as “the tease”.
we don’t date cubs in the foxhole.
we date grown ass animals that will cum and get what they want.
he may very well like the attention you subconsciously give him.
some guys are just assholes like that.
i hope whatever you choose to do,
you will keep me updated.
i’d like to know how you turned him out…
errr…
how it turned out!
best,
jf
good
Be cautious dealing with this guy cause he could be straight trying to out you or some crazy stunt or this could be his first time, he is young, like The Man was saying, so youre going to have to take control of this situation because it doesn’t seem like he knows what to do. I agree spend time with him have a few drinks with him but do this at his or your place. Youre going to have to get him to trust you so you most likely will have to open up first about and how you feel about him. You don’t necessarily have to tell him your sexual orientation because with some guys they don’t want to labeled as gay, bi or whatever. They think being gay takes away from their masculinity and then they don’t will not want anything to do with you. So I would just use the word “attracted”.DO NOT be vague about telling how you feel! Be clear, leave no room for misinterpretation. Youre attracted to him physically, emotionally, whatever it is and want to know is the feeling mutual but be smooth with that shit though. If he is attracted and feelings are mutual let him know what youre looking for. If you just want a friend with benefits type thing, exclusive relationship or maybe even an open one. Just let him know exactly what it is that you want. If you do find out he got the jones but he wants one thing and youanother be cordial, take it as practice for the next guy you meet and move on. You are honing a perishable skill my friend, sharpen that shit like a katana so heads will roll!
“We date grown ass animals that will cum and get what they want.”
-Jamari Fox
Quote of 2015 and beyond
I know about the handshake, but normally the person would scratch the inside of your hand with a finger during the handshake.
He could just be a touchy geeky straight guy ( yes those exist). I agree withy he advic e given try to hang with him after work and I say somewhere you guys have zero chance of running into someone you or he would know
I don’t think he should’ve outright asked him. Would any of you answer “yes” if someone asked you out of the blue? I thought you putting him on the spot would make him stop but apparently it didn’t. Start hanging out with him outside of work. He might take it a step further. These things are hard to gauge. This is part of the reason why it’s so hard being gay.
Could be you just have a really nice goatee.
Sounds to me he is playing games. I have never dealt with a dude like that, so I really do not know what to say.
Be cautious
never heard of the index finger/palm thingy
Me neither lol. Learn something new everyday. I ain’t gonna do that shit tho. Might get popped.
Me neither! However, I would tell ol’ boy not to shit where he sleeps!
That could get messy if things don’t work out!
Yes, that technique has been around for years, also here is another technique, when you go in the to do the one-arm shoulder arm and hand shake, you pat, and glide your other hand down his back
Jamari you should check your tumblr ask box. I asked you something.