FOXMAIL
Hi Jamari!
I am a straight black female reader of yours for many years and love your blog. I check it every day. I’m sending this email for advice in relation to a situation I’m in with a young man at my university. About a year ago, after being dumped by my ex, I started talk to the guy on Facebook. He’s actually a player on our football team and it’s one of the many things we bonded over. Within a matter of weeks, we fell for each other and began hooking up, with me always spending the night. He is a special kind of guy, loyal, caring, well-spoken. Between looks and personality, he’s my prince charming. I then, due to daddy issues and my recent breakup, became too clingy and needy and we eventually stopped speaking for a month. We then reconnected and I later found out he had started talking to another girl in the time we lost contact, and then stopped when we reestablished contact. We had a falling out a month later, which I admit was my fault, and lost contact again. About a month later we started talking again and both still had feelings for each other. As the months went on we went back and forth between speaking and not speaking. During the last time we didn’t speak during summer break, he started talking to another girl, which he told me about and made me aware that he would be talking to us both at the same time. I understood and agreed to be just friends. When we got back to school, we had limited contact. He would speak when we saw each other on campus and respond to my good luck/good game texts. Then in September it all stopped. I didn’t hear from him or see him anymore and am sure I was blocked on his iPhone, until last night. We both attended a party on campus. When I said hi, he gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. Later on we danced, very intimately, together for a long period of time. He then invited me over his place before he left, I said yes and that I would let him know when I got home since my dorm is next door to his apartment complex. After he left, he texted me and asked again if I was coming over, and again I said yes. When I got back to my room, I texted him and he never responded. He has not read my texts since and I believe I am once again blocked. My question is what do you thinks going on, why he keeps getting close and then pushing me away? Could it be because of the other girl and I’m too much of a temptation? He is very interested in her and has been chasing her since the summer, but the feelings don’t seem to be mutual on her end. I really need your help and advice on this situation. My feelings are so deep, I haven’t been able to move on with anyone else.
Thank you for all you do,
MY ANSWER…
let me tell you a story….
so there was this wolf i was dealing with and he was FIONE.
5’11
caramel
handsome face
bald head
worked out daily so his body was incredible
own car
crib
met him online
i had in my mind that we were going to have sex within our first convo.
we clicked and i hadn’t clicked with a wolf like that before that.
he was charismatic,
took me to dinner,
paid for it,
and was a complete gentleman.
we ended up having sex and it was amazing.
he fucked me like he loved me.
not only did he use his dick,
but the way he would put his mouth on my lips and foxhole.
he did this vibrating thing with his tongue when he was lickin my foxhole…
…anyway,
i noticed i was always going to him.
even tho he had a nice car,
he would never come to my spot in harlem.
claimed he didn’t like coming up town.
like muthafucka you live in “wtf” brooklyn.
foh.
he would want me to troop all the way to his crib in bk.
even tho the neighborhood was sketchy,
i was on that train late nights to early mornings.
we did this thing,
similar to your situation,
where we would always disconnect and reconnect.
me doing all the work.
it was like all i saw was him,
that body,
and the way he would fuck me.
i soon realized i was doing too much and he was doing too little.
the last convo we had couple years ago,
he wanted me to troop down to bk to get some dick.
he was in a relationship with other fox,
who was living with him,
but worked nights.
he was jobless and was really depressed.
“i missed you.”
“you the only person that could cheer me up baby.”
“cum down here to chill and you could sleep in my arms.”
“i been working out just like you like it.”
he sent me a pic and his body was looking even better.
i nearly entertained it because i was alone,
horny,
and didn’t want to go through the “dating thing” again.
well i chose to drop him like a bad habit.
he never fought for me when i stopped calling.
no texts or calls.
it hurt me that i did all of that and he treated me like:
so what i’m gonna say to you vixen is: drop that asshole.
i’m talking about 5 minutes ago.
he doesn’t want you anymore.
when a man wants a woman,
he has your FULL attention.
no other bitch will even be an issue.
you keep trying to cling to someone who has made it pretty clear.
hell he didn’t even come up to fuck you.
that alone is a violation.
when you clear all the smoke from your eyes,
you will see that you can do so much better.
plus i can see you becoming a mini stalker.
erase his number NOW.
hope this helps.
the foxes can learn from something this as well.
thank you for tuning in and being a supporter.
always appreciated from my end!
best,
jf
In fantasyland at Disneyland it is……
Advice was spot on.
KCool, I assure you that the 5 Cs are about real life and provide a structure for analysis/thinking about relationships.
The 5 c’s only work in soap operas! This is real life! Peeps do what they want in real life……
If I were you, I would cut all ties with dude. Sounds like a switch hitter who is only playing with your heart. One minute he’s into you, the next minute he’s not. When you start ignoring him, he’ll get the message. People only do what you allow. You are in control of your destiny, you have to set the tone, and play by your own rules. The ball is in your court.
I love the way you say stuff man…. concise and to the point!
Good advice but I’m not here for women.Why couldn’t she write to the many female bloggers and websites.
^i responded because she has been a reader of mine for many years.
i won’t do her like that.
plus her story is similar to many of my readers who have the same issues.
i don’t plan on answering many vixens issues after this one.
i like to keep my advice for “us”.
Actually Jamari I don’t see no problem with you embracing the vixen’s. Even though this blog is about your experience in our lifestyle….you never know how much you are helping people who don’t know anything about our lifestyle….plus is always good to reach many
^i feel you fly.
if vixens hit me about football/basketball player advice,
i’ll be prone to answer it.
i dont want to deal with hood/baby daddy/project drama.
they can take that down to other blogs that cater to that.
I generally agree with Jamari, but my analysis follows the structure of my 5 Cs. If you plug in the facts of your situation, you’ll see that you two are not compatible.
I believe in the 5 Cs and use them to evaluate and analyze relationships. And they are applicable for personal and business relationships because balance/reciprocity/mutual benefit are important in all relationships and to a large degree the 5 Cs are about balance/reciprocity/mutual benefit. The 5 Cs are as follows:
As far as an “association” with a man, woman or child goes, any relationship (be it between friends, between father and daughter, mother and daughter, husband and wife, etc.) needs the 5 Cs:
1. Compromise: They need to be able to compromise on their legitimate interests.
2. Communication: They need to be able to communicate about their wants, needs, hopes, fears, aspirations, etc. This includes not just “what” but “how” and “when” to communicate. And communication includes listening and not just “saying” or “writing” or “sending”. Some things are best said by email and others by snail mail, telephone call, text message, etc. So the mode of communication is important. This is the most important C. Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship. No communication tends to lead to no relationship. (And the corollary is also true: Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship and a poor relationship tends to lead to no relationship.) It is through communication that understanding—not assumptions—is achieved. It is through communication that the other Cs are realized. Compromise is made. Commitment is shown. Companionship is had and cash is dealt with clearly, compatibly and appropriately.
3. Commitment: They need to be concerned with and about each other and sufficiently dedicated/devoted to each other and the relationship. This involves accountability, faithfulness, loyalty, attentiveness, diligence and effort.
4. Companionship: They need to enjoy each other’s company.
5. Cash: They need to be clear, cool and compatible on issues concerning money.
When the 5 Cs are “added”, they add up to compatibility. What do you think of the 5 Cs?
^ i have a 6 “c”.
CUT LOSSES.
there was too much back and forth.
plus he tells her,
“yeah i’ll be talking to some other bitch while i’m talking to you.”
nah homie.
plus he hasn’t answered her texts and presumably has her on iphone block?
i think the answer is pretty written on the wall dean!
I agree with you, Jamari. I just got there in a slightly different way.