even after being hurt, we are still choosing to stick around (until?)

i’m going to font something because of all this conversation on black with white partnering.
i hope it doesn’t come off nasty because that isn’t the intent but i felt triggered after the last entry.
i’m asking God to allow my fingers to word my thoughts correctly…

I am glad that as a black gay male who has had MANY horror stories of abuse and trauma within the black community,
both with straight and gay folks,
that I still continue to be optimistic for my own black love story.

i have been broken down and ripped apart because i wasn’t “like the other boys”.
imagine the mind fuck of black males being your bullies and still attracted to them?
i was the subject of brutal bullying and disrespect that brought me to tears.
this is why names don’t really bother me because i’ve been broken down since i was a kid.

growing up,
i never really dealt with issues from white folks but at the hands of many black folks,
including some in my own family…

It is no wonder I spent countless times wanting to take my own life.

in my real life,
i watch folks in my life pass me by and give support to others they deemed “better”.
more popular,
or more “masculine“.
it is tough to feel like you don’t (or never) belong.
it has left me to question at times if i’m enough.
even now,
as a famed black and gay blogger,
i still don’t get half of the support that i see others getting.
black media does not fuck with me like that but…

A huge white owned publication continues to give me a chance to shine within its programming.

for that,
i’m always grateful for every opportunity because it never use to be like this.

i’m glad that unlike many of these other black males,
i didn’t run looking for white approval when i could have.

i continue to be me no matter who when i’m around.
that is a testament to my strength and resilience.

Being raised in Barbados did help as well too.
I was around many beautiful black people and saw black love on countless occasions.

my motto has always been to keep moving forward after i’ve been hurt.
i have been lucky enough to witness those who have hurt me get their karma and be exposed.
my thing is,
after all i’ve been thorough

What if I chose to strictly date and surround myself with white?

wouldn’t i have a very valid reason to do so?
so now with those other black gay males like the tylers,
shaun ts
and jerrods:

Maybe they chose to move on because they have been hurt and gave up on us.

i don’t know their stories and backgrounds.
some of them could be self hating blacks because those do exist.
what i do know is that like myself,
even with all the hurt…

Many of us are still looking for a black love story.

we need to pay attention to them (and support them) because they can chose to leave.

lowkey: i always laugh when others hurt people and they chose to move on,
but then they cry when there is no representation.
what did they think was gonna happen?
some of these folks complain but certainly don’t have “it” to take their place.

everything is a mess,
ain’t it?

3 thoughts on “even after being hurt, we are still choosing to stick around (until?)

  1. Who wants that perfect love story anyway, anyway..cliche, cliche?

    Glad you haven’t given up and hope you get it when you most need it.

  2. Yea…NO. This isn’t it. And I really wish we would retire this lazy ass “black people picked on me so i dove head first into white hole because they’re less homophobic” rhetoric that is and has always been a LIE. Black gays who make that argument sound just like the white people who complain about “black on black crime” as if most black people don’t live in communities with one another like every other race where the if crime is committed it will most like be against somebody that looks like us. As gay black men we like in communities with other black people and yes, some of those will be homophobic. But white people experience homophobia in their community from other white people and Asian people experience homophobia in their community from other Asian people. But I’ve never EVER heard a white person say they exclusively date black men because the white people in their communities were homophobic. Same with Asians. Black queer men are literally the only group to use that same senseless tired ass excuse as to why they prefer to date people who look like them instead of confronting their own internalized antiblackness. It’s tired

Comments are closed.