one thing about this life we all live,
we really don’t know what we want.
well i know what i want.
others aren’t so lucky.
we want to be “the freakiest hoe”,
but also hope to meet someone great when looking for a simple freak.
how can we still expect a “white knight” after building a foundation off sex?
how do you expect someone to take you seriously after he busted on your face?
one you met looking for just that?
well one of my readers sent me an email that proved just that…

So I’m on jackd just looking around and I see this dude close by and we have a very short, blunt exchange and the plan is he’s going to give me some sloppy head before work. Right before I leave, he says he’s getting a room with some dude nearby but I can come through, do my thing, and get to work. I get there and it turns into a threesome, me and his freak buddy double team him. He sucks both of us ferociously! I could tell the other top was getting jealous because dude was focusing more on me so the other top started kissing on me trying to get my attention too. I smash dude first and I can’t lie, dude had some pornstar grade ass and was obviously trained well!

I did what I do. Rubbed and firmly grabbed his ass and waist with my big hands while I pumped him at a steady pace from the back and he sucked his friend. Then I put him on his stomach, spread his legs wider and put my weight on his back as I pounded him from the back and kissed his neck. I got my fix and got ready to head to work and I left to the sight of him on top of his friend riding his dick raw fervently.

I notice he keeps checking put my profile a day later so I speak and he immediately goes in asking if I’m seeing someone, which kinds of throws me off. I talk with him on the phone and he basically said he felt a connection while I was fucking him and he wondered if I felt the same and I had to keep it 100 and tell him I was in “freaky porn star” mode and i just fuck well lol. I could feel him get sad over the phone. He goes on about how he wants to take me on a date and all that and I’m trying to decide how to kindly let him know not to invest too much into this without giving up future rights to that ass!

I don’t think the fact we fucked before we even knew each other’s name was the issue. If I had determined I liked him before we got freaky how soon we fucked wouldn’t have mattered but it was just a smash and dash for me. Then it kind of irritated me he seemed ashamed of getting double teamed because he didn’t realize he was into me. I told him to own that shit! He looked sexy as fuck and really comfortable in bed. I would’ve respected that more. All in all, he came off like he was selling himself to me and it was a turnoff for me. He was advertising the fact he was basically willing to compromise himself completely for anything that seemed like love and it got me thinking if all this time pretending like I’m immune to love finally come true? I’m just not willing to pack up and move with someone or even switch up my daily routine for new people. I think the fact people will pick up and move their whole lives for a relationship they’ve only been in a few months is STUPID!

well goodness.
that was kind of “red light special” on a fox one time!
anyway…
isn’t that what we are all programmed to do?
it makes looking for someone to get to know much more difficult.
the reader gives more background…

I went from kind of feeling sorry for him to being like “Wtf?”.
He wants to be loved. I get it. I just feel like sometimes you
can’t make the pursuit of love your biggest priority because
you the person falls by the wayside in the midst of it.
He was so idealistic saying stuff like “What if the person
you’re meant to be with was 1.54 miles away? I just had to try!”
Can you believe he was ion his late 20s?
He told me about how he just moved back here after moving
with his fiancee to another state and being there a week and realizing it
wasn’t going to work because his fiancee changed. Smh!
He quit his job to move to another state where
he knows no one, only to be there a week and come back to no place,
no job, no nothing. So he’s starting from scratch. I was hoping he
learned something from the experience but apparently not.

I blame myself for getting it in though. I guess it would be fine if all
I truly desired was Mr. Nasty Time but I do kind of want companionship.
All of this running around with random dudes and married men is moreso
me acting out because I get discouraged.

I tend to be attracted to educated, pretty boys or gym types and I have
a habit of falling for the ones I feel inferior to.

Don’t get me wrong, I own my freak ratchet side! Took me a LONG time to
feel truly confident, even cocky in bed with men. I dick down men 7+ years
my age and get tap outs, hands in the air trembling, etc. Got more good reviews
than Yelp. Lmao

Sex doesn’t move me or get me sprung like it used to when I was younger.
Someone attractive that welcomes my craziness and inspires and motivates
and supports me to do better would be awesome but I’m so trained to keep
my feelings out of the equation when it comes to men.

ya know,
after reading this,
it seems like this is what is happening to everyone in dating.
every sexual orientation.
every role.
everyone is confused and basing relations of sex.
no one wants to connect.
do people even go on dates?
or did that go out of style like the house phone?
everyone wants to fuck.
fuck raw.
the straights as well.
having kids with vixens they just met.
like,
wtf is happening with the world?
in this example,
we have two people who are on two completely different paths.
one (who sounds like a fool) is going around here,
getting his brains fucked out,
hoping to find someone to replace the love he once had.
he wants to find someone so he can mentally erase what he did before he moved.
he ended up getting some exceptional dick from the reader,
and like his last situation,
wants to jump into something without even getting to know him.
the other is looking for relations,
well maybe,
but doesn’t trust men enough to settle.
now he has closed his heart off.
he does want to meet a man who understands him,
gets him for who he is,
but has been hurt and his emotions are now inside his pipe.
once he busts them all over you,
it refreshes for the next tight hole.
so the reader will keep on fuckin’ and fuckin’,
making himself “the one to fuck”,
and will be used as a sex toy who gets good reviews.
so in the end,
everyone is a fuckin’ mess.