Have you ever felt at your wits end?

life suddenly became too much to handle,
you felt like you were on auto pilot,
and nothing was making you excited about life anymore.
i’ve been feeling like my energy had ghosted me.
i just felt tired about everything and everyone tbh.
it was like being a clown working overtime at the circus.
i was exhausted and still juggling it all because i balance two lives:

My IRL self
My Foxhole self

my entire being has rsvp’d “yes” to an emotional breakdown.
why aren’t we fontin’ more about burnout?
it’s like we’re conditioned for one thing:

Grind
Grind
Grind

…and then,
when the weekend rolls around:

Events
Errands
Everything but recharge

i’ve been battling burnout hard these past two years,
and while i’m no expert,
here’s what i’m learning as i try to figure it out…

Have you ever wondered why we all feel this pressure to overachieve at work,
even when we know it’s a trap?

this morning,
pose hit me with a question that stopped me in my tracks:

“Have you learned any other lessons from working in corporate?”

…and,
well,
the truth is…

Have you ever noticed how we try to find flowers in the trash?

last night,
i caught up with a friend who are is in the middle of separation/divorce.
sadly,
she has latched onto a rebound.

A jackal that she knows is a complete disaster.

at 37,
with two kids,
weight gain from stress,
and insecurities eating away at her…

i usually keep it lowkey but today?
i’m claiming my happiness.
for years,
i felt like an outsider looking in,
surrounded by my straight peers/associates,
always questioning where i stood.
picking up pom poms to cheer many of them on but when it came to me,
i barely got the same energy that i needed.
i won’t lie but it always hurt my feelings because it made me feel used.
i’ve come to learn…

I couldn’t help but wonder…
When did we start believing that real males don’t cry?

as boys,
we’re taught to bottle things up,
to hide those pesky emotions because,
apparently,
vulnerability doesn’t fit the masculine mold.
if being “a real male” means being brave:

What if the most “masculine” thing a man can do is shed a tear?

we’ve all been there,
standing at the edge of our emotions,
afraid to let them flow.
i’m here to font to you…

Have you ever noticed how we dumb ourselves down to make others feel relatable?

yesterday,
i stepped out to run some errands.
there’s this older woman in my building i always bump into.
you know the type:

Pleasant
Chatty
Nosy

i’m always on guard with those types.
those types have always been two-faced.
so when she asked me the classic:

“How are ya doing baby?”

i responded like this and caught myself…