I walked out from my bedroom into my living room and the writing was on the wall.
no seriously,
Mi had taken a permanent marker and written nasty messages all over my walls.
How she got into my apartment was a mystery to me.
I know she gave back all her keys to me,
but did she make a spare?

I felt extremely horny for him.
I haven’t thought about him in quite a while.
Ever since he left me alone to tend to his relationship,
I decided it was best for me to move on.
For whatever reason,
the thought of him woke me up outta my sleep.
I felt this strong sexual energy take over me that I could not ignore.
At 430am,
I’m jacking myself off stupid with thoughts of him inside me.

i did not sleep last night.
i was having nightmares and filled with anxiety.
before i went to bed,
i was reading arguments about the jab from both sides.
i was wrapped up in natural happiness i never felt before a few weeks ago.
i had to wake up early to call unemployment today,
but of course,
i got the runaround and drop from them.
today,
foxhole… Continue reading “sometimes, you just gotta turn yourself “off”…” →

last year,
i was so sad over this one wolf.
so much shit was going between him and i.
i felt like i was going crazy tbh.
some people can have a powerful energy that draws you to them.
you can both be drawn to each other,
but if it one is fighting their attraction to you,
it can lead to a lot of emotional warfare.
so all last year,
i was listening to heartbreak songs and albums.
fuckin’ driver’s license from olivia rodrigo…

the chorus of this song made me feel like she was singing my feelings out loud.
i use to keep this part on repeat real heavy too:

anything that expressed my sadness was all i wanted to listen to.
today,
i was listening to toni braxton’s album “speak” for the first time.
it was more of a heartbreak album but i found it to be so boring.
i realized something…

Continue reading “sad music don’t hit when you over that pineapple” →

sooooooo we might have a conversation today because i’m about to font some real shit.
as much as the straights think they are so different from “gay shit”,
some of them aren’t any different from the gays in their ill-treatment of others.
when i saw how brandon anthony was treating chika in their public kerfuffle,
it was no different than how many straights act when their true feelings come out.
folks said his behavior was due to being a shady la gay but:

Is being a shady asshole really just a “people” thing?

i’ve heard how gross some straight blacks in la are especially in the industry.
anytime you have a ton of people looking for popularity and to be “the star“,
no one really wins except the underdogs.
no cap…

Continue reading “gays be fucked up. straights be fucked up. people be fucked up.” →

i can come off really guarded in person.
it’s nerves tbh.
it is all nervous energy in how i come off to other people.
when alcohol is in me,
my inhibitions can help me relax but i don’t want to become an alcoholic.
weed has only made me paranoid af.
honestly…

Continue reading “the first step in a prison break is admitting you want to break out of prison” →

everyone thinks content creating is an easy job,
but honestly,
it isn’t.
from creating movies,
acting,
clothing lines,
making albums,
blogging,
vlogging,
to whatever you do that is creative,
it takes a shit ton of emotional work to do.
folks think that i wake up every day and come on here and just write.
i always get asked questions like:

“How can I make a blog like yours?”

…and i’ve always struggled with the answer.
i can tell someone to start a blog or turn on the camera.
it’s easy to do that,
but there is more that comes with it on an emotional level.
i was thinking about it for the last few days and came up with a few thoughts…

Continue reading “so you want to be a black (and gay) creative and make content, huh? (run?)” →

i use to own a little sports car many years ago.
it was an older model,
but you couldn’t tell me shit when i was in that.
this was way before i started writing on here.
i was living at my sister’s aunt’s crib and life was kinda peaceful.
something went down and i owed money on the car.
i ended up having to park it and get on that metrocard plan.
it stayed parked for a year or two without movement.
i would have to go shovel it out of snow every winter.
sometimes,
i didn’t.
one day i went out outside and saw a red letter stuck to the window…

Continue reading “a story of how i got “got” but God ended up getting me back (can he come through again?)” →