there is light within the darkness if you really look for it.
it’s no secret i’ve expressed that these past few years have broken me.
i feel like i’ve had to be broken into a thoughts pieces to put myself back together.
this time,
i get to do it in my liking and not what others may accept of me.
this morning,
i had a thought about the people who’ve slipped away from my life.
those i was once close to,
or those i hoped to reconnect with,
but it never happened.
a random thought downloaded into my spirit this morning.
i felt the urge to text a good friend what i felt and i wanted to share it here…

Ser Criston Cole from House of the Dragon might just be the most hated villain in the Game of Thrones universe.

…and the reason why is because he’s so damn relatable.
unlike joffrey,
ramsay,
and cersei,
who wore their bad behavior on their sleeves,
ser criston cole is someone we’ve all known…

ugh…

“The worst they can do is tell you no.” – Karaoke said to me the other day

the word “no” is scary.
we think we are good enough and end up getting rejected.
we end up being scorned and don’t want to try for anything anymore.
karaoke and i were talking about approaching things boldly and asking for what we want.
i use to be so scared of rejection because of my past trauma due to rejection.
it all came from a fear of being judged and wanting to control things tbh.
so i’d wait for someone to say “yes” while wasting my time deciphering signs and games.
i’ve learned the hard way that:

“Mixed signals or hesitation means no.”

i was watching something with law roach the other day.
he is the vision behind many of zenadaya’s looks.
law is dope and i fux with him so far.
during this podcast discussion with “the cutting room floor”,
he spoke about all the big brands who told him “no” for zendaya to wear their clothes.
this is what he said that gave me my oprah “a-ha” moment…

for the last couple of days,
i decided to take a sabbatical.
it was a time when a fox has to hibernate to recharge his inner batteries.
i spent it catching up on sleep,
eating greasy food,
jackin’ off,
and watching one of my comfort shows,
sex and the city.
sex and the city was part of my gay awakening as a young fox.
i related with carrie because i was dealing with my own “mr. big” too.
the first wolf who slyly showed me his interest within his uncertain curiosity.
a wolf that if he hit me up today,
i’d drop what i was doing to go another round of uncertain curiosity again.
i’m up to the second season and i realized something…

The Foxhole has been wanting me to address this.
I’ve been very “eye roll” about it but ya know what?
Fuck it; we ball.

i’ve been playing video games ever since i was a kid.
i’ve noticed it taught me a lot of skills that i’ve applied in my real life.

Solving puzzles
Multi-tasking
Exploring
“There is a secret in here somewhere”
Defeating final bosses flawlessly

my virgo moon goes a little too OD tho.
as an adult,
when i want to step away from the real world and go to hyrule,
the mushroom kingdom,
doing gens to escape in dead by daylight,
or dodge tom nook for them bells i owe him,
i’ll take a break with one of my video game systems.
funky dineva doesn’t think that grown males should be play video games.
he nor his friends play video games at their big ages:

😒😒😒😒😒 pic.twitter.com/8gxOyLUy3g

— 🗣️The Milky Way Hoodrat♐️🔥 (@JustinUrameshi1) April 26, 2024

hmm.
funky dineva also made a career as a grown man gossiping.
his life choices can be called into question too.
so i’ll font my quick thoughts about it…

…there was a Fox who thought he was the most invisible guy in the forests.

“If I’m supposedly attractive,
why am I not being treated that way?” he’d ask his late friend,
Star Fox.

Star Fox would notice wolves checking him out but for some reason,
the Fox never saw it for himself.
he would go out and feel lost in the forest of indifference.
it echoed the loneliness of his youth,
where he felt unseen and insignificant.
but then in 2020,
a turning point in his life happened…