i only really understood my mother when she was on her deathbed.
before that,
i was a rebellious teenager.
in her final months,
we finally talked and i apologized for pushing her away.
lately,
my older cousin has been sharing stories about my mother.
i didn’t just inherit her features; i have her rebellious spirit too.
we started talking about my grandmother and i opened up about the abuse she put me through.
i was always afraid to tell anyone but my cousin actually listened.
he said something that stuck with me…

I’m one of those people who keeps all his iPhone boxes.

i don’t throw them out because in my head:

“What if I need it in the future?”

what,
in some weird emergency,
i need to return my iPhone?
not realizing that when some shit happens,
apple literally sends you a cardboard box to send your phone back in.
so if that isn’t it,
then what is it?

Maybe it’s keeping the box that when I see it,
I remember the memories that came with that particular iPhone?

like my iPhone boxes,
i was holding onto someone that i no longer speak to on “find my friends“.
we haven’t talked in 2 years but we knew each other for 12.
it took about a 2 months in 2022 for our friendship to end.
all i had left was us still connected through that app.
when i would go on there to look for my devices,
they would pop up,
living in an entirely different state with whole new life now.

over the weekend,
i had a friend posed a few questions to me…

^this shot goes so hard.
the bending as the flag symbolizing how the US was built off the backs of blacks.
you KNOW that pissed them off but…

Isn’t it funny how some people only see the frosting but never question what’s in the cake?

last night,
while most were just hyped for “not like us” at the halftime show,
i couldn’t help but see the layers kendrick was serving.
first off,
let’s give drake a standing ovation…

One of my good friends told me last year that allegedly,
the Palestine people urged people to vote for the lady.

once i see people attacking instead of educating,
it officially becomes performative and i check out.
this goes for stans of an artist as well.
i feel like during our new president’s campaign,
he was very mute about not doing anything for palestine.
when i saw this…

…along with protesters at the lady’s campaign rallies:

…but when no one was protesting at the other’s rallies,
i knew it was a bad look.
well,
our new president announced his plans for every and all things gaza…

i had a conversation with a friend that stuck with me.
she told me how she kept to herself,
never bothered anyone,
but that alone made vixens hate her.
she never understood why as she always stayed to herself.
she is also gay too.
funny,
that was my life too...

People learning the hard way…
again.
and again.
and again.

here’s the thing…