living your worst life in the post-pandemic era

…”feel like God is still with me”.
so #weoutside again.
woohoo!
the parties are lit and the brunches are plentiful.
i’m sure each one of us has been to a concert this year.
many of us waited patiently,
or impatiently,
to get back out there once the pandemic was over.
truthfully,
there are many who haven’t returned to this new normal.
in fact,
it brought us further into a peril where we suffer silently.
one thing we aren’t fontin’ enough about

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your friend can be good to you and be a complete d!ck to someone else

when we are friends with someone,
we always see the “good” in them.
we ignore the truth because we want to show loyalty.
when they get caught up in some bs,
we don’t want to believe it because they are our friends.
we think about how good they were to US.
we don’t want to imagine one of our friends could be a monster.
two things can be true at the same time.

Someone can be a friend to us
Someone can be a monster to someone else

i’ve noticed it with some gay males over the years

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WHAT TF DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

i was taught to fear many things.
hell,
everything.
i grew up in a strict christian household and everything was the enemy.
if you asked anyone in my family when i was a kid,
i was rebellious and a bit of a wild card.
as the years went on,
and i got broken down piece by piece,
i started to get consumed by all kinds of fears.

I’ve always been in fear of God.

i didn’t want to appear disobedient in fear of going to hell or karma.
this last year has literally been from the pits of hell.
every time i think i take 2 steps forward,
i’m pushed down the stairs back into the basement.
i’ve been trying not to question God but it has been hard.
when i woke up this morning,
the other window in my living room fell out.
needless to say,
i blacked the entire fuck out at 6 am and screamed on God

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testimony of a weathered fox

i’m going to get down on my knees for this entry.
even when things don’t work out,
we don’t give ourselves grace for simply trying.
something inside urged me to give grace today.
here is my current truth

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shit hit the fan and i’m not into scat play

at around 12 am as i was on my way to bed,
off 2 bennys cause my allergies were disrespecting me,
i heard a loud ass thump/bang combo in my living room.
i thought someone broke in so i grabbed the closest weapon to me.
my broom.
when i slowly went into my living room,
i saw

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