Imagine This….
FINALLY, he has arrived. You meet the man of your dreams. You have been on a few dates and he seems like he is the one. You start to drop your guard because, you can’t keep it up forever and you are starting to trust this dude.
Everything is perfect…….!
Until…. one night, he decides to go off on you for no reason. You cannot seem to understand what is happening. You just asked him where he was and why he didn’t answer your phone call. Suddenly, he punches you in your stomach. As you try to fight back, he kicks you in your stomach but this time, you fall to the floor. He starts to kick you in your torso because he knows the bruises will not show to the public. After he is done, he lays next to you and hugs you. He starts kissing you and whispering that he is sorry. He asks you over and over if you are going to leave him.
Congrats. You are officially part of the “Abused Victims” Club.
There are free band aids in the lobby.
That scenario is based on a true story, as told to me by someone who couldn’t even sit down while telling it.
He couldn’t leave the situation because he had nowhere else to go. No family or real friends that would take him in. Lord knows what has happened to him, but I know he is probably still in the situation. It is hard to leave.
Do you know,
as you reading my litle blog in this vast universe of cyber space,
someone is getting abused right now.
And truth be told, it is very scary to even imagine it.
From someone getting verbally abused to being in a headlock, trying to wrestle their way out.
Someone, somewhere, is enduring the pains of abuse.
In our M2M community,
the statistics are rampant.
Real talk: I have endured the pain of verbal abuse.
Yes Foxes,
I have been a semi victim.
Nothing severe where I need to be locked away in a padded room, bound and gagged.
But, I have dated something (literally) who has said not so nice things to me, in a way of making me feel bad about myself and the situation.
I have sensitive ears and I knew my self worth. Kicked his ass out of my life and never looked back.
Others are not as strong as myself. What is even worse is when you are abused and then painted as the enemy.
It is never fun to be asked, “What did you say to him?” or “What did you do to provoke him?”
Like, you were dealing with a fucking pitbull. And all you asked him was, “What do you want for dinner?” before he went upside your head with the frying pan he wanted you to cook the fried chicken out of.
Also, add on the suppressed gay man who is not even comfortable about himself or his sexuality. He WILL talk to you and WILL have sex with you – but as soon as he cums, he is beating you to a pulp. Why? He doesn’t like the fact he is gay and beats you down because he doesn’t like what he did.
Some ol’ self hatred bullshit.
It has hard to type about this subject because I have never really been abused to that extent. I know we all have that “Hell naw! He put his hands on me and I will kill him!” attitude. I know so many people who talk all that shit, but dealing with getting cheated on left and right. IT KILLS ME because they are so brolic when it comes to abuse but can’t even keep a good man… or at least confront him on his infidelity.
So they definitely get the: Yeah, you and the millions of others who had that same attitude until you let the WRONG nigga in your life and his idea of “beatin it up” is by using you as a punching bag.
Foxes,
if you are in a abusive situation,
please pack your shit and go.
Do not make a big deal of it.
Slowly start moving shit out and then bounce.
Worst mistake you can do is let the abuser KNOW you are planning on leaving.
You need to move in silence and have back up if possible.
Easier said than done I know but a nigga going upside your head isn’t love.
It’s called crazy.
And usually, there are red flags we choose to ignore because the love dust is in our eyes. But pay attention to that mild jealous streak or that OD of needing attention. That trying to break up with him and him not taking the hint that it is over. Sometimes that thug nigga we fantasize about so much can really be the enemy we let into our lives. As much as I like a sexy thug, when I see red flags, I am two steppin’ out the door.
Bruises, broke ribs, and battered minds are never any good with a Foxie lifestyle.
… and do not think for 1 second that the outcome will not end up in murder, especially if he has that “If I can’t have you, no one will” mentality most possessive people have. It may look make you feel good to know he is so possessive over you but try to leave him. The outcome can be deadly.
Better to bow out now you see red flags before you are ultimately holding up a white one.
Later Foxes.
I can’t say that I was ever in an abusive relationship, but I was “assaulted” by my ex-partner once when he got angry. Our relationship ended right after that fight. As much as he apologized and I believed that he wouldn’t do it again, I knew something else. I knew that if he EVER did it again, I would kill him. He had done it once, so he was more inclined to do it again. I didn’t want to have to kill him, so I ended it.
I could not do it. I know its hard but we do have to learn to look for these warning signs and get out of the clouds and not accept excuses for radical behavior. We must see people for whom they truly are and learn when to let go…..sometimes it hurts…but its never worth your life.
Maddy. I’m literally speechless. I feel everyone needs to read this comment. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with all of us.
I agree with everything you just wrote. While I myself have never been abused, I grew up seeing it. Thats probably the reason why I keep my distance from men and women. If you talk to your friend soon tell him to find someway to get out and don’t go back not even to talk.
I very rarely tell this story but I think its needed. My stepfather used to verbally abuse my mother when I was very young. One day came and he put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. She grabbed me and my sister and we stayed with my grandmother for a few months. By that time, he was living with his mother and wanted my mother to come by to talk also to give her money for my sister’s perm.
Fastforward>>>>>His mother, sister and brother are in the house laughing and chilling. He goes to the back to “get the money” for my sister’s hair. He comes back with a gun.
My mother get us out of the house but no time to get in the car. She pushes us out in the street and tells us to run.
He chases her around the house a few time until she slips.
She is on her back, begging for her life. He shoots her in the chest.She survives>>>>>He spends 2 years in jail>>>>She takes him back>>>>>20 plus years later, still together, depressed.
I know its hard but ain’t no dick worth your life.