oh hey.
as you noticed,
i’ve been “out of the office” for a few days.
i didn’t think i’d be gone for so long but i had no bandwidth for anything.
i wanted to return back with some accountability and get back into it.
we’ll do something different this go-round.
let’s start with negatives first…

NEGATIVES

My sister has kinda gone wild again.
I think it may be the shock of losing her cousin,
but “messy mi” is back in the habit.
She started drinking,
smoking,
and returning back to the company was wrong for her.
Not only that,
she allegedly quit her good job.
Even though we aren’t close,
I found myself worrying about her.

I lost my ID when I went out to run errands the other day.

I had no urge to open my laptop tbh.
I felt so empty.
The foxhole is such a blessing,
but I felt so awkward taking a break to reset and relax.

POSITIVES

I didn’t feel depressed,
but more annoyed.
I worked on blocking out the extra noise and being selfish for once.
It felt scary but good.

I took walks,
vented to friends,
and stayed present.
I avoided anything that would make me feel sad and put me in a depression.

I love my sister but I cannot rescue her.
She has to find her own way like I did.
She cannot keep being rescued and coddled.
One of the things I liked is I was pushed into the forest and had to learn life.
I did all of that without any help or handouts.
I didn’t fuck anyone for a place to stay or to pay my bills.
I tried to teach her that but she wouldn’t listen.
I’ve accepted that if her life comes to an end,
everyone tried.

I’m gonna get a new ID in the mail.
I can sit tight until then.

During my errands and walks,
I saw some of the finest wolves.
I looked and kept it moving.
My worth isn’t tied to male attention anymore.
I can appreciate a sexy male without coming home and wondering why he didn’t hit on me.
My man/partner is out there and will make himself known soon enough.

I deserve time to preserve my energy.
I can’t give myself and my outlet my all if my energy is down.
If folks fuck with me,
they’ll be here when I return.
If not,
there is always someone new who wants to know me.

****

i feel more ready to take on the forests than i’ve ever been.
i’m gonna update all the stuff that i missed and inspired while i was on a sabbatical.