every time the holiday season comes around,
i feel immense loneliness within my soul.
i start feeling sad about “me vs what everyone else is doing”.

I wonder if there were no social media and this VIP access in their lives,
would we really care what people were doing during the holidays?

people meaning those who hurt us or our exes who easily moved on.
family members who don’t want to invite you because you’re gay.
your crackhead cousin and drunk uncle get invites but yours got lost in email somehow.
i’ve been listening to adele’s recent album and i’m sure that isn’t helping either.
that damn adele…
there is a current emotional trifecta that is happening to some of us…

Seasonal depression
Holiday Blues
Seeing everything that is wrong with the world on our social media feeds

 

the news stories seem extra intense and many of them unfair.
kyle rittenhouse showed us again what white privilege can bring you.
the violence within my city of newy yawk doesn’t make it appealing to go outside.
surviving these days is pretty expensive.

Are we even still in a pandemic anymore?

due to my career being in the news and having my ears to the streets,
it’s not like i can avoid it.
even with all that,
i feel like i’ve been yearning for something as of late tho.
i don’t exactly know what it is tho.

Is it a man?
Is it money?
Is it to feel appreciated?
Is it the TV show togetherness holiday scene I secretly crave?

you know the ones where friends come together for a holiday,
the table is set with a social media-ready feast,
and everyone is laughing and enjoying themselves over wine and new memories.
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…yeah i dunno.
f*ck these holidays deadass.

lowkey: i feel like i’m in this starting over/transitional period lately.
maybe the best might yet to come.
question mark.