many of us in our late 20s,
30s,
and 40s are still trying to find a sense of direction.
remember when we were so confident when we were younger?
“we had all the time in the world” – molly.
now it seems like we don’t have much time at all these days.
in these crazy times,
it’s easy to fall into the:

“I’m not where I need to be!”

…venus fly trap of insecure thinking.
we watch everyone else making moves,
living these amazing lives,
but we’re still at the starting line or running in the wrong direction.
that is how i felt after watching the newest episode of insecure,
“reunited okay?!”,
for their final season.
i legit cried…

I felt when Issa was on that stage,
surrounded by other people who have “made it”,
and still feeling like I haven’t.

I felt like Molly as she tries to navigate learning herself all over again.
Learning to be more in the present when an active mind keeps me in my head.

I felt like Kelly where I feel like I don’t matter.
It feels like I’ve been tossed to the side or not taken seriously by some of my peers within this industry.

 

the thing i love about insecure is it’s so real.
from the music,
the backdrop,
and the vibes.
as i watch many of my friends get married and have kids,
launch successful careers,
and do all these exciting things…

I feel like I’m finally where I need to be due therapy,
but I don’t feel like I’ve “made it”.
I look back on all the time I wasted on males and people who didn’t matter.

 

all the coulda,
woulda,
shouldas during a time where it seems like we better have together or else.
you know…

The impending doom of food shortages,
inflated prices,
rising violence,
and lack of opportunities to meet your true love,
especially for gays.

insecure really brought it together for me last night.
it made me start looking outside of myself.
i know i’m much better off than many other people,
but i’ve been asking myself lately:

“What does Jamari Fox really want?”

i know i don’t want kids.
i’d rather have a lifelong partner than marriage.
i do want to be financially stable,
buy a home(s),
and be able to pick up and go whenever i feel.
i want to feel like i’ve finally made it,
ya know?
peep the trailer for what’s to come this season,
as well as their “wine down special” for more about the first episode:

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i need issa to really leave lawrence behind.

we know she won’t,
but this situation is over.