11:30pm.
that is the time she walked in the door.
according to her...
she needed to blow off some steam.
according to me: “same”.
i met her in the living room and told her we needed to talk.
after the comments from the last entry,
and doing some “where did i fuck up?”,
i realized i was the one who may have been at fault as well.
i did attack off top.
you can’t really have a conversation with someone and start it off:
“you’re a mess”
like she said,
she knows she is a mess.
i didn’t need to already highlight it.
once she started coming for my neck,
i had to return the favor.
so we sat at the table and spoke.
after she revealed her feelings,
she started to cry.
i mean,
bawl.
the only time i saw her cry was when her mother died.
“no one makes me cry,
but you did.” – she said.
i went over to her and hugged her.
she told me how no one believes in her and she is scared.
she feels lost and doesn’t know what to do.
she also said how she called me because she had no one to turn to.
she apologized.
i did as well.
i told her to start over and try not to get to this point again.
she agreed.
we good.
i’m going to let her stay.
lowkey: i’ll name her:
“mi“
…as i have to remember i was once her.
i just needed to be found.
oh and she got a call for an interview today.
thank god.
I am happy to see you and your cousin were able to settle the issue at hand. She really needed that from you Jamari sometimes it takes a strong person to break the situation.
Glad u two made up. Both of you got caught up in the moment and said things u didnt mean.
J, I don’t want to be the negative Freddy here…but she needs to go. I know you have a big heart, and you want to do the right thing, BUT I don’t think you’re in a good enough place to provide anything to her other than shelter….and even that’s iffy if she’s not contributing to rent (she’s using your electricity, your water, gas, etc).
I’m a proponent of mental health. For YOUR sake, your job situation oftentimes seems like it’s taking a toll on you. Financially, personally, do you need this ADDITIONAL baggage in your life??? Your home should be a place where you can unwind, relax, blog and exist in peace.
I get she might fill a void, bring some company into your home…but as a dependent??? Nope. Nah. Noap.
This is the first and last chance you should give her. Otherwise, she gotta go! Don’t even LET the cycle begin (Fight, Apologize, do it again). Do this for YOU. A little over a year ago I remember you being in the worst place….. You’re still healing. Take care of yourself J.
Peace
Great advice!!! You’re not being negative at all. You expressed everything I was thinking in the last post so I’m gonna back you up.
Jamari, if I can add anything I just want to say that sometimes when people are used to being in dysfunctional situations, they don’t know how to operate otherwise, even when someone is coming from a loving place. Ideally this would be the first and last issue of this kind that you have with her, but realistically it probably won’t be. My biggest concern is that with your status at work, you don’t have any extra emotional energy to go through the cycle with her. All I can think about is what if something happens that causes you to be late for work? Are you equipped to deal with her ups and downs as well as yours? Your intent is admirable and says a lot about your character. You have maintained such a resilient spirit through these hard times. I think you could still be a great influence and support without having her in your space.
^you both gave me a lot to think about.
believe me,
ive had this on my mind lately.
i dont want her on the streets because the “what if” will drive me crazy.
if something happens i will be haunted.
i’m going to give her 6 months before i do anything drastic.
thank you both for these great comments.
Aww touching I’m glad you guys talked who knows she might just be the family you needed .
Push on!
I’m glad you guys worked it out Jamari,Peace and blessings to you both.
Poor thing. She’s crying out for help (literally).
I still think you’re doing the right thing Jamari. Good on you man.
I hope this doesnt become a “thing” where you fight and kiss and make up repeatedly. Cycles of bad behaviour than good behaviour is very unsettling.
From what I’m hearing. There’s hope for this young girl yet. Wishing her good luck on the interview.
Hang in there J and dont give up on her yet.
She still NEEDS to get her act together, but as long as she’s getting to it, there’s only forward to look to!
Good luck guys!
This entry teared me up a little. You have a blessing coming. And she’s only 20. We’ve all been 20. Scared. World is your oyster mentality. Chip on your shoulder. But somebody has to lead her. She has no mama. You gotta be her mama J. Big Mama J. No shade. Lol
^ NAW ima be her cousin.
she already had a mama and she spoiled her ass.
now I gotta deal with this clean up lol
She needs to use that drink from GNC to get through a drug test. Does anyone know what it is called? I hear everyone uses it. No more tears. Wipe your face, fix your makeup, get up and keep going!
^the potheads I know be using other people pee during drug tests.
all i could do was smh.
they mentioned something called the flush,
but no name of what it’s called….
Yeah I know a chick that used someone else’s urine and put it in a visine bottle in between her legs to keep it warm.
Smh if only my people showed this kind of tenacity in other ways. We’d have a cure for cancer and HIV.
see that always confused me as to how people got away with that. Piss is warm when it comes out of the body…how in the hell they gonna keep someone else’s piss warm to get away with that?! The tester is sleeping on the job, for real! lol
So mature that you can both be honest with each other and admit when you’re wrong. You’ll make a great boyfriend to some hot headed wolf. Maybe this is preparation for what’s to come(cum.)
^hot headed wolf?
oh god.
It’s different with a grown ass wolf than a young girl lol
I might have to throw something at him for him to “get it”…
cool. set any boundaries? ’cause she acts like she may not respect or know their meaning 🙂 good luck
^ yup we did!
she is rough around the edges,
so it was a little hard,
but I’m going to try and work with her.