The Stacks Are Getting Too High For My Support

tumblr_n0tj69WT9Z1trlmdvo1_500you ever played the game “jenga”?
its that board game where you put blocks in a stack.
once the stack gets high,
you have to then start pulling blocks out one by one.
as you pull it out slowly,
the probability of the stack falling greatly increases.

that is my mind.
i have a lot of negative self talk that i’ve started to notice.
i’ve been getting a lot of “a-ha” moments daily.
once someone hurts me,
i hold it inside.
i’ll basically over-think what they did to me,
what i should have said,
and how wrong the other animal is.
after that,
then i go after me and what i assumed i did wrong.
once i build up this mental negativity,
i pick myself apart until it all crumbles.
until i crumble.
giphyi really want to stop this.

i feel like i can’t move forward in life because of this.
everyone who has hurt me is gone.
i should have said what i needed to say then.
those scenes have been over and done with.
instead of beatin’ myself up,
i need to constantly fill myself with my positives.
it’s like i have to make an effort to always focus on that.
so i’ve decided a little experiment for me.
i’m going to try speaking positive to myself for one day.
i’m sure i will be tested,
but i’m up for the challenge.
if i pass that test,
i’ll try it the next day.
i’m determined to win.
wish me luck.
giphylowkey: i hope i can keep this up tomorrow.
please pray for me.

27 thoughts on “The Stacks Are Getting Too High For My Support

  1. Like I told you yesterday congratulations on having your blog for 7 years now. You have helped me so many people with your writing. Do what others have already posted and I’ll think you’ll be good. I think your so great and gifted and so do others around you, and I think it’s time for you to see it.

    1. ^thank you e.

      i’m glad this all happened with that last situation.
      it has really held a mirror to myself and exposed all of my flaws.
      i started working on myself so i can be my most powerful.
      this all happened for a reason.

  2. You are always in my prayers and thoughts, I don’t know if you do this already but maybe put up inspirational quotes and things like that in post it’s like On Being Mary Jane. I think it will be easier to think positive thoughts if you are constantly seeing them as you wake up and go to sleep.

    Keep your head up.

    1. ^ya know mikey,
      i had a ton of post its up.
      some are still around,
      but others fell lol

      i bought some index cards tonight to place around my room like bmj.

  3. There are plenty of ways to do more positive self talk. One is prayer. Yet another is affirmations. In Christianity we are told the “tongue” is so powerful — life and death are held in it. Because of this we are to “speak life” or “speak over yourself” so that “dead situations” may live. It’s also taught that what you speak over yourself can also become reality so if you speak negativity or “death” those things become your reality. Which in many ways can be true — even if it isn’t a “literal” death. Your situation, relationship, job, day to day encounters with other people, overall self worth, can be “dead”.

    So to answer the question — speak LIFE at all times. Even when the situation is negative, or your self worth is at a low, remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are favored, loved, cherished. It could be much worse, but your aren’t given a plate that you can’t handle. Speaking over yourself becomes much easier the more you put it into practice. Each time you are faced with tribulation — take a moment to assess — and in these moments challenge yourself to be KIND to yourself. Each time we think “life happens to us” — we tend to fall into old habits and revert to old behaviors. The challenge in those moments are to not only find God but to also find ourselves.

    1. ^i loved this weiss.
      thank you for sharing these beautiful words with me.
      i’ve personally started copy/pasting these comments into a word document to keep me afloat.

  4. Lets look at what you have accomplished: you are a black gay man living in America. That’s a feat. You have a blog that has its own lexicon and an established FOLLOWING. Don’t dismiss that. You are great bruh. I feel as we get older, life brings us to ppl we vibrate with the most. Others are discarded and left behind. Be confident in your self power to be alright when someone is dismissed from your life and be grateful that it happened, no matter how it occurred. You’re gonna be aight.

      1. These are the thinks you write and them if you can read it aloud so you speak things in the atmosphere

      2. Before you leave your house everyday
        .read or speak 1 minute of positive things about yourself. Look in the mirror and before you give the world 10+hours..look at your self and give yourself 60 seconds

        1. ^can i be honest?
          that sounds so hard.
          i’ve never had to speak highly about myself before.
          i’ve done it with others,
          building them up,
          that now it feels so foreign doing it to me.
          this is going to be interesting.

      3. It’s not hard as you tjink..maybe right the night before and read it the next MorNing to yourself

      4. Let me or us know it goes. I’ll give you one to start. “I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am the handy work of a Great craftsman. I am made for a purpose and there is nothing that can stop me from being what I was born to be. I am more than a conqueror. I am strong and powerful. I am and always will be an overvomer. I am whatever I say I am and today I declare I am a winner, a writer. I am creative, caring, supportive, attentive, smart, ingenious and innovative. I am perceptive and a problem. There is nothing that will stand in my way

  5. If you don’t do this already, have a journal and write everything you wanted to say to each person that you never did. Use your writing gift more purposefully to help you heal and grow. Who knows, one day this could a book of healing to others…I’ve already got the title. “Dear… A letter to those who hurt me”

    1. ^wow that is actually not a bad idea tony.
      that is worth a shot.
      i have nothing to lose doing that.

      how can one do more positive self talk?

      1. Same way..for every journal entry to those who hurt you on the opposite page to yourself but you can only write positive things and you must fill up one page. One page for them. One for you…do this daily

      2. God gave you a gift …we often use it to help others but forget the gift is to be used to help ourselves. You are a writer…write…. you will be surprised what changes in 30 days

      1. Thnx Mikey. I have a gift of counsel..always have since a kid. Just using it to help where I can

    2. Whatever works for your lifestyle and can write whenever the spirit moves or you have those feelings that need to be expressed

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