i’ve realized that i’ve spent my entire life performing for family,
“friends”,
jobs,
and of course,
wolves i really liked.
the forest was my stage and everyone was my audience but in reality:

the more i performed; the less i found myself being accepted and respected.

many people didn’t stick around as much effort as i put in.
once they left,
i still found myself performing for their approval.
i wanted people that don’t even matter to still see me in some way.
it caused me to be consumed by the dark arts of the performance,
all the while making me doubt myself in where i stand in my life if i wasn’t “the star”.
as i have been healing many parts of me that are broken…

peep the scenario right quick.
you go on x twitter and see someone you find attractive got an OF.
from the previews on their x twitter,
you are liking everything you are seeing.

Your interest is piqued!

so wanting to subscribe,
you see on their OF that some of the videos say:

19:00
25:00
34:00

it says they got about 7 hundred thousand videos on their wall.
next thing you know,
they are offering a sale.
so you’re like,
“we about to be eating GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD“.

You were already iffy on spending 9.99 but you can do “2.99 for 2 more days”.

on one of your horniest of days,
you just want to see that person you saw on x twitter getting into some freaky shit.
you put in your information,
hit subscribe,
and Foxhole…

can i font ya’ll that i love a:

“Chess and not Checkers type of muthafucka!”

in a forest were everyone has a big mouth,
and have to show everything for views and virals,
i like those who pop out and pull a fast one on pineapples.
it gives cinema.

“Oh you was thinking?
Oh well let me show you.”

all this time,
ya’ll had me thinking sports analyst vixen,
taylor rooks,
was dating jack from “x-twitter”.

and then allegedly,
it was jesse williams.
with that kind of penis jesse got,
i’d think about looking past all that baby mama drama he got going on.
ALL NOPES.
taylor decided to show us who she is really with and MARRIED over the weekend...

i was such a stan of “south park” growing up.
when the movie came out,
i saw it opening weekend.
i fell off due to life and moving around a lot so i couldn’t keep up.
as you know,
or didn’t,
but “late night with stephen colbert” was cancelled due to our current president and paramount.

that administration should have never done this because it set off a chain reaction.
once matt and trey,
the makers of south park,
signed that 1.5b deal for 5 years on paramount...

The same Paramount that had a hand in cancelling Stephen Colbert...

well,
the gloves came off and…

these are snippets of whats to come for season 27…

…this week,
after a lot of soul searching,
i asked myself a question:

What are things about me that makes me a bad partner?

i was honest with myself about my red flags…

recently,
i caught feelings…
or so i thought.
he is so sexy to me.
it’s his voice,
how attentive he is,
and how he made me feel seen when we were together.

But…

there were many times i’d feel more confused than connected,
but somehow,
i still wanted more.
for a while,
i told myself it would work.
“lied to myself“,
actually.
as the conversations showed more emotional detachment,
and the connection started feeling more skimp,
i started feeling something i knew all too well…