FOXMAIL

Good Day, Jamari. Much love to you

I am seeking your input and advice because I am having an issue that involves family.

To start I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my family. Imagine being raised adopted, Muslim, and then coming out gay to your family. But through all of that hardship I am faced with a new issue; making a decision to live on my own terms for me and only me. It has taken me a long time to make this decision because I have always been putting others first and accommodating their needs and running myself dry. I recently moved into my new apartment and I am currently being viewed as selfish from my mother and certain members of my family because I will not allow a sibling to move in. I live in a one bedroom and I wouldn’t mind having my sister move in however she is not responsible with finances and I am not taking a chance with the roof over my head or having someone attempt to live for free. If you knew my family, it’s as if certain people are looking for a ride. I’ve also payed very close attention recently stating how when I use to ask for help nobody would help, not my mom, sister, aunt, cousins, so of course I had to grind. But when others needed me or just wanted something I never hesitated unless I did not have it. Now, I’m saying no to almost everything to protect myself, to assure that my security is set and I’m considered selfish. I have unrealistic dreams and goals but I’m very certain that those same people who consider my goals and dreams unreal will be the first ones to want to reap those benefits. This is hard to write because i am talking about family who are supposed to love you. Instead I feel as if I can never win because of the nonsense and greed. These members can’t call me to see how I am doing but can ask for a birthday gift or anything money related and I’m just like “okay but WTF”. My heart is open and always will be. However I do feel as if that wall to guard me (which I never wanted) is being constructed and honestly I’m going through a much needed change.

Excuse me if this was way to long, I am just going through a emotional and mental struggle that is rooted from resent to family. Now I already recognized this and attempted to rectify these issues by accepting their behaviors and just moving forward with my life but they always find a way to get what they need from me.

What do you think I should do? I have cut them off months at a time and in those months found peace and still missed them. I am feeling that I may need to cut them off longer than a months even years so I am able to fully and presently focus on me without thinking twice about how my family would be affected by my dreams and goals. HELP! Because this is not even the full or half of it.

Love you.

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: My Family Is Trying To Destroy Me! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Dear Mr. Fox,
Its been a while since ive visited your website. Last year I used to wait religiously for every post, but ive recently stayed away due to the pornographic nature of some of your posts. Your persobality is why i loved the site.

My question is, can a broken man ever be fixed? Ive seen on numerous occasions about how men can be turned gay but theres never been an instance of a man becoming straight thats been celebrated. Since i was a child i thought i was doomed and that gay was a disease you caught.

My mother hates me. After she found out i had a chance of being gay, she no longer cared about me. I didnt realize this until i realized how depressed i was. Because she was my mother i never knew one could look upon their child with the same look of disgust as a crippled, dying dog. Instead Reflecting back on incidents after i got curious with google when it was still new she found gay porn on our computer. When that happened the christmas and birthday presents stopped. Her dismissals became more frequent and harsh. She even sent me to stay with abusive relatives that drove my emotions deeper inside me. At the age of 10, i got my fitst girlfriend. When her brother found out about me being black he gathered up his friends and started bullying me. Over time it got worse, the abuse was no longer verbal, but sexual. I was molested by a group of boys down our street… even now i get a cold, soulless feeling every time i think back to my childhood. over the years and she never let me seek help. What happened caused me to zone out, almost like what happens in get out. Listening to how black people talk about gay people further pushed me to the point of accepting my fate. As a young child, i felt like i was doomed and had no one to talk to. After stepping up to my abusers i began to come home with bruises along with damaged pride. They told me if i didnt give them what they wanted they were going beat me until i liked it, so they did. When i repeatedly told her i didn’t eant to play with the neighbors she belittled me fot not having any male friends. Eventually i learned to tolerate the abuse the only way i knew how. A couple of months of neglect went by until my mother finally asked me why i was coming home in tattered clothes every day. I was too ashamed to tell her about the abuse, but i told her about how they beat me. The police got involved but they did nothing, since one of the boys were related to a fellow officer. Being one of few black families in a country town didnt help either. Fast forward, i am now a sexually confused , anxiety riddled loner who cant seem to trust people. My mother had long stopped paying attention to me. She even began sleeping with my father who also wanted nothing tk do with me AFTER she told him i was gay. I dont care what anyone says, sexuality doesnt exist in children… it just doesnt. Telling or treating a child like they are something and they will eventually conform, which is what happened to me. I began following my sisters, only because they were the only ones i could trust. I sung my heart out to beyonce to please them. It seems the only times i could put a smile on my face was to make a fool out of myself. Every girlfriend i brought home was dragged and i was drug for dating her. I hought having a girlfriend was what most teenage boys do but it didnt make them treat me any better though. As an adult i attempted to move out and find my own. Being by myself i began to discover more about my brokenness. I remembered a time i didnt feel awkward for staring at a woman’s ass because i thought i was gay. I got a girlfriend and a few roommates i was living with. I felt like i could finally be my own person because at home i didn’t feel like a man. No car, i was never taught how to drive so i wouldnt ask for a car. No stable job and i didn’t care. After a few years my gas ran out. My lack of knowledge of the world stunted me from succeeding. I struggled until i couldnt struggle anymore and attempted suicide. I knew i had no chance if i went back home. Id rather have died than come back. I awoke inside the hospital to my mother and sisters making jokes at my bedside, my mother calling the rest of my family and telling them my attempt was because i was afraid to come out to her. After she did that, i completely cut everyone off. I literally began begging her for help and she just sat there. She told me if i want to be drugged up for the rest of my life then i can drag myself to the mental hospital. Now im stuck. Ive never felt i had enough parenting in anything and it definitely shows. I now feel stuck in my brokenness. At least now i understand the broken man, because ive been one. Thats the only positive i think i can take from this.

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: Can The Broken Be Fixed?” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

I love your blog, it keeps me going especially while I was in school. The stories of work and relationship keeps me alert and steadfast. Also, inspirational lessons we can all learn from is beneficial. I would like your opinion about the Nicki Minaj’s Paper magazine cover. I know Eve said something about on the talk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz0qoOgyWSQ

(SN: I think she going to be a wonderful host on the Talk). Remy & Kim had put out a video which is pretty dope. Cardi B is doing her think. I think there’s so much going on in the female rap game (good & bad) that it’s sorta refreshing. I believe that there’s so much talent in Hip-Hop among females that’s impossible to expose them all. For example: there’s KashDoll, Young MA, Snow tha Product, Rapsody, Tokyo Jetz, Lk-47, Dreezy, Kamaiyah., and also girls like Azeaila, Iggy, and Dej Loaf…there should be room. However, I just don’t believe that myth “One Sole Female MC”. I do believe in marketing, promotion, and having a strong, functioning team behind you. I mean these record labels aren’t putting money behind these females, until now. Think about it, Remy was so heavy about being “independent” yet she took a $10 million dollar deal with Colombia. That says something, because you need a record label to reach another level of success. These labels are now just now having a “light-bulb” going off about female rappers. You have Nicki, who is arguably the most successful female rapper…she’s a brand. She made the right, calculated moves to get to that point. Yet, all these other rappers and you can’t do the same (it’s the labels). For example, Iggy who had the #1 and #2 record at the time and yet she went under (other forces had something to do with that) plus T.I. left her high and dry.

I’m so sorry for the long tangent, but I would love your opinion. Keep doing your thing and stay bless and true.

Best Wishes

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: The State of All These Vixen Rappers In The Forests” →

FOXMAIL

I’ve been stalking your blog for about 2 years now but I never comment, but I love your blog and the advice you give so now it’s time for me to ask for some advice for my self.

Some background about me, I am 18 years old and I live in London and I am attracted to females and males so I guess I’m bi and I guess I’m DL because nobody knows about it, but right now I’m thinking of experimenting. I’ve been curious for a long time but now, I’ve had sex with a girl and I’ve watched gay porn since like a few months ago and I like it but bare in mind that I’ve been curious for a very long time, like probably since 13 years old. However, now, I want to take my curiosity to the next level…

I want to try sex with a man.

Recently, I downloaded Grindr ( I know, bad move) but it’s seemingly the only place to find someone who wants to get down and where I live I’m sure there are gays but the girls come out more than boys. It is interesting to see who uses it though because I’m seeing people who you wouldn’t think are gay and I’ve actually chatted to one – he told me he was “straight-acting” , but was out to his boys, i just found that interesting, like you know those type of gays are around but not until you actually see it for yourself, its fascinating. Anyway, I am aware of how bad that app can get, I don’t trust anyone on there, I don’t act a fool and stupidly send pics to everyone, like I don’t know if I could be talking to the killer so I’m very conscious about who I’m talking to, but obviously you never know because people are very good actors.

I’ve got the usual DL worries, I’m scared that someone will see my messages or this guy I’m currently talking to will tell other people about me, at this time of writing, we have not exchanged face pics but we have described ourselves to each other and I like the sound of him, there is a spark. But, I‘m scared that I may be going in too fast and acting like I’m ready when I’m not, you know? It’s annoying because me being ready fluctuates – sometimes I am and I feel to try the dick and sometimes I’m like maybe not now.

As slightly previously mentioned , I’ve met this one guy on Grindr and we seem to be clicking, we’ve moved from Grindr to iMessage and I’m literally talking to him as I type this and (UPDATE) – he’s just given me a time frame of 9 days to “get some”, as he mentioned that his “head game was crazy”, and I said that “I want some of that” – messy I know.

So basically Jamari, my questions to you are:

1) Do I continue using Grindr to explore my curiousity (in terms of having gay sex), becasue the main thing I want to try is sex with a guy
2) Any tips with using an app like Grindr?
3) Am I rushing into things, I only started using Grindr however at times I feel like 100% ready then at times my confidence comes all the way back down and I don’t feel ready at all
4) Any tips to prepare for sex with a guy?

I’m sorry if this seems long and messy but I am hoping for your advice really soon, I am a fan and I love your work on here. Congratulations on your recent job position by the way, it’s nice too see your growth on here and how you broadcast it.

Help me, Jamari!

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I Want To Lose My Virginity on Grindr! Help!” →

*the following entry is parental advisory.
graphic language and images a bound!

FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

I’m going into my fifth year of college. Five years ago I thought college would be the time to really find myself but I haven’t done much of that. I’ve achieved in all other areas, top of my class, damn near 4.0 GPA, recognized leader on campus, going into my senior year with job offers in a good STEM field but my sex life still isnt figured out and I’ve been working since freshman year. I started looking at guys more but I noticed I don’t really like guys, I just like dick if that makes sense, and I only like head, no bottoming or topping. I tried going back to girls but I wasn’t getting up and it was awkward for both parties. I’m not into guys emotionally but it’s hard to get turned on by girls physically. I’m DL and also don’t want my business out there so I try not to mess around too much. What should I do?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I Just Want Head…and That’s It! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Sooo I’m clearly a fem bottom. I always have had a light voice it never really got any deeper. I’m young I enjoy and love sex. My throwback game strong I give some of the sloppiest bj’s ever I’m told by almost everyone I have sex with that I’m amazing and I do all the right things that they like and turn them on. But usually I deal with punk ass niggas that spread my business. I’m fem but I just want to establish some type of NSA with someone discreet or DL but then it turns out almost all the DL/discreet niggas get exposed on places like tumblr n shit and all they business out there.

What do I do?

A lot of them either aren’t attracted to me or think I’ll tell their business cause I’m fem. But all I really want is for them to come lay the pipe and get the fuck out. Im NOT one of those niggas that screams slay queen or slay Beyoncé but I enjoy lots of other “feminine” things. It makes it hard for me to find someone who I can casually fuck but also keep my business my business.

So what should I do?
Who should I try to establish a relationship like this with?

It’s hard to trust other queens out there because they are always involved in drama and outing each other.

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I’m Fem and Want Real Discreet and D/L Pipe! Help!” →