FOXMAIL

So, I have a group of friends – there are 4 of us. I’ll be A and we’ll call the others B, C, and D. We’ve been thicker than thieves since the first day of college and now, since we graduated about 2 years ago and moved to different parts of the country, we still talk daily. We’re all gay but of course some of us were closer than others. C was my BFF and B & D were ol’ skool judys. Anywho, around junior year, I kinda figured that D was into me so I began asking him for favors – money, homework, errands, etc. I kept it under the guise of friendship but I knew he wanted more. I should mention that back then he just wasn’t my type or so I thought. Even though he was attractive, he was the heaviest and we never let him forget it – me more than the others. Toward the end of senior year, B & C got hip to my game(s) and called me out on my bullshit. They threatened to tell him if I didn’t so I confessed to D and things were never quite the same. In conversations, I could tell he only really fucked w/ B & C but tolerated me.
Fast forward to a week ago. All of our schedules and finances finally meshed and we all met up for a winter weekend on the east coast. D showed up and he showed up looking DELICIOUS. It was the first time I’d seen him in person since graduation. He was still the same size but everything that was pudge before was now solid. Physically, he’d changed a little but his spirit hadn’t. He was so humble and witty and kind. We caught up and he told me about his new job and a potential wolf and I smiled through my pain. When I saw him I realized I wanted him. B thinks I should leave D alone and let him be happy for now and see if he circles back. C thinks I’m a fool if I let him get away this time. I’m really torn. Me and D laughed, and we reminisced and made good ground last weekend in mending our relationship. As a friend, I want the best for him but I also want him to be mine because he could be the best for me.

What if I confess my feelings and he reads me my rights?

What would you do?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: The Ugly Duckling Became A Cute Swan… and I Want Him Now! Help!” →

i got a ton of foxmails.
i will get to all of them soon.
i promise.

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

So here’s the thing. From April 2012 to Feb 2014, I was dating this younger wolf who I met at a party hosted by my best friend and I. Flashback – Back in Dec 2011 we hosted a hotel room party. Only a select few guys were invited and they each brought a guest. He was a guest of someone invited by my best friend. So the party is poppin’, drinks are flowing, I’m tipsy as hell and I stumble upon this tall, dark, handsome juvie tucked away in the bathroom of our hotel room. So I’m like “who are you, and what are you doing in my bathroom”…He responds, “this really isn’t my scene, but my friend doesn’t wanna leave, can I just chill here?” Turns out he was D/L and felt uncomfortable…Long story short, he never left the bathroom and neither did I, but it was just great conversation at the time. At this point I’m 23, he was 19. By the end of the night we had exchanged numbers and never lost contact, and by April of 2012 we were dating.

The difficult thing about our relationship was that it was long distance from the jump because I was away at college in the US, and only visited home (the Bahamas) about 4 or 5 time in the year. So I believe we never had a strong foundation to help us with the difficulties of a long distance relationship. Even so, I fell head over heels for this guy, and I believed he loved me too, but he was D/L so sometimes he tried to pond me off as just another male friend, and of course there were issues with females because he never got to a place where he accepted his sexuality. He dipped and dabbled between males and females, and my friends would always have some story about where he was, or who he was with. But besides that, the sex was sooooooo good. For a young wolf, he was dicking me down like no other. I had been with guys my age, or older in the past but no one was stroking like he was. He was funny, a man’s man, played basketball (as I cheered on the sidelines incognito, with the other basketball wives), and did all the typical shit that would make you fall in love with a TRADE.

Fast forward— after almost 2 years of ups and downs he dumps me on my birthday in Feb 2014. His excuse?  He needs to find himself and I “deserve better” than him. I was so heart broken. Even at this point today, I’m still in love with this guy. I think about him every day, about the sex we had, and about how he made laugh. And even though he’s moved on and currently in relationship with a female that I know very well, I’m stuck in this place of confusion because I truly think we belong together, and I cant even begin to think about having sex with someone else.

I’ve been trying my hardest to move on but I cant. I’ve been pursued by other men since him, but I keep comparing them to him and they just don’t meet the mark. I’ve even had a Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale moment, trying to get over this dude. I used to have really long dread locks, and cut them all off standing in a mirror. Why? Because he loved my hair, and I wanted to get rid of it just because he liked it. I’m battling the decision of contacting him to try and reconnect in some way, or at least have a conversation because I think I need closure to move on. We have not seen each other since the day we broke up, but we follow each other on social media. We no longer have each other’s phone number.

What should I do?

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: My DL Wolf Dumped Me! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Jamari,

Soo i went to a baller wolves house last night who i met on a hookup site…Craigslist! Anyway, it was just supposed to be a one night stand NSA or whatever. Let me just say, the moment I pulled in his neighborhood, I was HOOKED! House was laid, did I mention he was FINE as all get out (I love Dreadheads) and had alot of good shit going for himself. We talked. He asked questions. I answered and asked. We fucked…My God that man can eat a MEAN ass! He was a true gentlemen about Everything and I think he genuinely really liked me…(his words/actions). He would not go to sleeep till I made it home at 1am in the morning.
Maybe I’m over reading this,
but I’m Hooked!

How can this be? lol

MY ANSWER…
Continue reading “f0xmail: I Had One Night With A Baller Wolf and I’m Hooked! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Ayo Jamari…

I’m an inexperienced wolf from Chi town. Been having trouble meeting other black dudes in my area that get down…but I’m attracted to bruthas that are pretty much the opposite of myself. I like them soft, nerdy type (but NOT fem) niggas that mostly into anime and ready comics. Well, low and behold I was run into this one cute lil’ dude in my local Target. Dude is so so adorable and I been tryna put the moves on him for a minute but I can’t really get a read on him. He could just be one of them geek-ish black dudes but not get down and if he got down do you think he would be into white wolves??? But I did lowkey snap a picture of him
(i feel like a stalker now SMH) so you guys could see if maybe it looks like he mess around.

What do you think?
And how should I approach him?

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I’m A Wolf Who Wants A Nerdy Fox. Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Hey Buddy:

Low-key: I have know you for a while and love your website. Now I’m not the big advice wolf so I need your take on this for my friend.

What would you do..Do you ever have the feeling that you know you are right but you continue want to be wrong about things…. ?

So you meet this wolf who keeps saying he wants to hang out. You set up times move your schedule to accommodate. That day comes and nothing…You end up calling the wolf to see what happened. Okay things happen but it seems like everytime there is something, the wolf wants to see you as he works bicostally.

When he is on your coast and you try to get that time then you are thrown between friends, brunch,and  any and everything else. You also still have to check to see if your time is gonna happen… The wolf wants to be with you or so it’s said ….You go off because you just need to know what’s up…You think he and his New Yark X are done…Then in an exchange you find out the The wolf has another wolf who lives on the west coast which he never mentioned that he was still kicking it with between all the 750 texts and for your eyes only ass selfies. At  This point,you feel some kinda way about the lies and deceit .The wolf tries to make it seem like you got the issue.  He states he is not used to having pressure put on him about things….He states that things should be on his terms…. This same wolf wants to do an event business with you. He says he thinks your cool and should relax.

What should you do short of going to jail or throwing a brick in that new BMW..As respect is key here but you are the crazy one for always seeking clarity.. Your concerns are always dismissed and you just supposed to just be cool with what ever?

Signed

I need to help my friend and he don’t want to call Kywan….

Continue reading “f0xmail: My Friend Is Being Neglected! Help!” →

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

I just want to start and say that I really love your blog. I’ve subscribed to get alert from your site when you post and when there’s a comment. At school, at work (sometimes), I read it all the time, though I may not comment all the time. I’ve saved some of your tips (apps, personal hygiene, reviews etc) for further reference. You also give superb advice. As a result, this is why I’m here.

I work at a home improvement retailer and there is this guy that my department collaborate with often. We both work in different departments. He is 6 years my junior (I’m 27, he’s 21). Every time we interact, there is always some hint of interest on both our behalves. We always greet each other with a handshake but on one occasion, he did the index finger in the palm handshake.

I was surprised. The first occasion I played it off. The second time that it happened, I approached him and asked him if he knew what it meant. He said he did and that he and he did it to another guy at work who is straight (funny enough I managed to find out that he didn’t). So again I sorta brushed it off but looked at him with the side eye.

Recently, he began touching my goatee in jest while in conversation (sometimes when we’re alone and sometimes in the presence of coworkers and customers). One time he did that, I asked him if he is gay and he denied it. I told him that no self respecting “straight” guy would do the things he have done. Even after that convo, he still continues to do it and I just feign ignorance.

I’m not out there at work and I can count on one hand (of the 300+ people that work there) how many people at work know that I’m gay. So I ask, how do I go about letting this guy know that, 1) I’m also interested in him and 2) the best possible way to do so. I rather something when we are one-on-one. He says that he’s not gay but I find this hard to believe since his actions say otherwise (no straight guy I know would do the finger palm handshake with a guy not once but twice or touch the face of a guy in that way). Any advice from you and / or the foxhole, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I Like The Way He Touches Me… At Work! Help!” →