inside jamari fox

who is the safe space for the safe space?

yesterday,
i met up with someone here for the second time.
we met during the super bowl party and she latched onto me heavy.
she seems really cool,
but i’m learning to keep my distance until i feel safe.
that’s either the cancer or the hurt i haven’t fully let go of in me.
we went to take a walk since it was nice outside,
but she had to run back to her place to get something.
when we got there,
i stayed outside and waited for her to come back out.
she told me to come in.

“are you sure?” i asked.

“yeah, come on in.” she responded.

so i did and then i saw…

there was an artist i liked and stanned for.
once i started getting my paws wet in the industry,
everyone (and i mean everyone) told me what a nasty attitude they had.
i didn’t want to believe it because their music really got me through some shit.
as the years went on,
they got exposed for treating everyone,
including staff and other people like shit when the camera was off.
where there is smoke; there is usually a 5 alarm blaze incoming.

sirjohn.
daddy and make up + skin care extraordinaire.
we will font more about him another time but lets get into his latest.
so he went on the “naked beauty planet” podcast and the topic of the barbie lady came up.
this is another person with an alleged story about the barbie lady…

there is something sexy about dominating another male in the bedroom.
there is also something sexy about the feeling of being submissive.
many males brag about dominating sexually,
but if you are good at emotional role-play,
you can have him submit to you and only you.
that is a whole other topic tho.
in sex,
i have fonted to many Foxholers that love to dominate,
especially the cocky or homophobic males.

i lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvved hearing about a past attentionisto that is so homophobic online,
and had an issue when i fonted about him on The Foxhole,
but he sure did bend over and get smutted out when his money and aura started running low.

allegedly fonting that is.
the point is not the alleged tea but:

males love to dominate other males who claim they are alpha

personally,
i think a lot of gays revel in domination because of past bullies.
in some of my fantasies,
i have topped a few of my bullies and OPPS.
i could never imagine the thought of them getting on top of me.

gays are still males at the end of the day,
so topping another male feels sexy and alpha.

i saw this post on reddit about sleeping with a past bully.

by that description,
that jackal would never touch me,
but everyone in the comments was fonting about destroying that past bully’s hole.
it was this comment that stopped me in my scroll…

after a long dry spell,
and a few people who came in too fast and disappeared just as quickly,
i’m re-learning how to open up again while being emotionally sore.

on super bowl sunday,
i was invited to a party at this new place i’m in.
i’ve been here about a month now and i’ve started mingling.
well tbh,
people started mingling with me.
one thing about me is:

people want access to me and get comfortable fast.

i don’t know if it’s my energy,
my softness,
or the way i make people feel safe but it happens.

so i met a straight couple downstairs last week,
and after about an hour of talking,
they told me to come through to this party they were having.
honestly?
it was so much fun.
being around new people reminded me of who i am,
how easily i connect,
and how much i enjoy meeting new wolves…
uh,
people.
meeting new people.

after the high has come down,
i find myself paused on all of it at 411am…

i’ve come to the conclusion that we have all become miserable.
that president of ours isn’t helping matters either.
these folks got all the money in the entire world and living in pure misery.
they miserable cause they rich; we miserable cause we ain’t got it.
i had to wonder if being wealthy is all it’s cracked up to be.
so i went to a superbowl party last night,
and cue my own misery,
was bored out of my mind…

i appreciate gen z on rih’s social media for their super sleuthing.
when i was a young millennial in my 20s,
i thought i knew everything because:

i was the master of the universe.

as i grew up,
i learned very quickly how i was loud and wrong about many things.
people i admired and went to bat for disappointed me as time went on.
so when i see all this discourse about jay z and harvey weinstein,
if i was a 20-something gen z,
i would probably believe what i saw and take it as truth.
realistically…