mental homework: (19)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAi have had a lonnnnnnnnnnng day.
i’m tired as hell because it’s a busy week.
bare with my sluggishness.
this comment jay left yesterday under:
( x myvidster comments hurt my feelings )
had me thinking all day tho.
i love a good mind fuck.
check what he had to say…

I’m surprised no one else grasped the deeper meaning of what he’s saying. He revealed quite a bit about how he feels about himself.

In the first half he already states he basically feels he’s not what’s considered attractive or desirable by gay men’s standards, which may be why he gets satisfaction from performing oral sex on different dudes on camera for the internet to see with each one ejaculating on his face and in his mouth. It’s a worship complex because they are the standard and he’s not.

I’ve never seen him ask for any form of reciprocation and he’s given no indication he desires it and that may be tied directly to his sense of self worth.

Then in the second half he tries to make it seem like the fact these dudes come to him somehow increases his self worth. These men are not hitting him up because he’s intelligent, considerate, or someone worth getting to know. They want one thing. They get their relief and he gets his by getting on his knees and pleasing “the standard”.

He doesn’t sound that different from a multitude of gay men honestly. His sense of worth is directly tied to people’s perception and the men he can pull.

256afjmjay you better shut up.
you making too much sense babe.
so i was looking at nathanielnior’s instagram the other day.
truth be told nann wolf ain’t trying to cuff that.
he’s like a video vixen for the gay world.
this beautiful creature that teases wolves with carefully crafted ass shots.
that’s it.
sometimes he shows he has a brain with a borrowed quote.
his arm pits could smell like nacho cheese,
breath smelling like ammonia,
and god help ya if he is a fuckin’ psycho.
not to be blunt,
but as long as his ass is delivered nice and fresh

tumblr_n04yatpHXa1qhyyywo2_250well you already know.
i had to wonder if this will ever change in this life we live?
we are taught by these invisible forces that we are gay,
so that means we should be out there fucking/partying/ratcheting up a storm.
it also means we are pets to straight women who need a stand in boyfriend.
there is no such thing as a relationship for us.
well unless it’s with someone fine we fantasize about.
even then if we get that fine person,
it ends before it even begins.
what happened to getting money?
buying houses?
having good credit?
showing those things off like the straights do?
why are we just objects?
a wet mouth to suck?
tight “boi pussy” to throw?
it’s almost like we have to be “on” all the time.
by “on” i mean ready,
and able to be ratchet at a moment’s notice.
we aren’t taught to say,
“naw i’m good”.
we are taught to just do it and have no regrets.

“fuck your mother’s new boyfriend because he looks at you.”
“smash your pastor on the altar after service.”
“suck off with your neighbor’s fine son who is barely legal.”

funny enough,
you end up having regrets somewhere down the line.
by that time its too late.
so i had to wonder…

Is being gay a 24 hour party,
gym membership,
and adult store that never stops?

8 thoughts on “mental homework: (19)

  1. Heck, Jamari, many gay men just don’t have relationships. Truth be told, many gay men seldom have a second or third date! And 9 times out of 10 when a gay guy says that he wants a relationship he means that he wants are relationship with a guy that has the body of Adonis and the face of America’s Next Top Male Model and if you don’t measure up to that, then he just wants a fuck! (And “a” means “one”-a hook-up, a one-shot-deal.)

  2. As far as an “association” with a man, woman or child goes, any relationship (be it between friends, between father and daughter, mother and daughter, husband and wife, etc.) needs the 5 Cs:
    1. Compromise: They need to be able to compromise on their legitimate interests.
    2. Communication: They need to be able to communicate about their wants, needs, hopes, fears, aspirations, etc. This includes not just “what” but “how” and “when” to communicate. And communication includes listening and not just “saying” or “writing” or “sending”. Some things are best said by email and others by snail mail, telephone call, text message, etc. So the mode of communication is important. This is the most important C. Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship. No communication tends to lead to no relationship. (And the corollary is also true: Poor communication tends to lead to a poor relationship and a poor relationship tends to lead to no relationship.) It is through communication that the other Cs are realized. Compromise is made. Commitment is shown. Companionship is had and cash is dealt with clearly, compatibly and appropriately.
    3. Commitment: They need to be concerned with and about each other and sufficiently dedicated/devoted to each other and the relationship. This involves accountability, faithfulness, loyalty, attentiveness, diligence and effort.
    4. Companionship: They need to enjoy each other’s company.
    5. Cash: They need to be clear, cool and compatible on issues concerning money.
    When the 5 Cs are “added”, they add up to compatibility. What do you think of the 5 Cs?

    But I find that men typically have as their Alpha and Omega four things: 1. Looks: How you look from the neck up. 2. Body: How you look from the neck down. 3. Sex/sex appeal: Whether the sex is good and whether you are sexually alluring. (I called this the “erection test”. That is, it’s whether he thinks he will enjoy having sex with you.) And 4. Youth: Generally, the younger the better. And of course, there is the exception of number 5. Money. If you have enough money, then that can substitute for one, some or all of the other four. And the four things add up to sex. A relationship cannot last on sex.

    The problem is that the only commonality between the above four (five with cash/money) and the below five is cash. But above the cash tends to be non-exploitative but below the cash tends to be exploitative.

    Well, it’s entertaining to read the various profiles on The guys on it seem to get their profiles from central casting. That is, they are similar in what they say. They say the poltiically correct things like they are “down to earth,” or “want to chill,” or “don’t play games,” or “no drama” and they are interested in “friendship” “1-on-1 sex” and “relationship” but they are far from down to earth, they are often major drama, they play plenty of games and get their panties in a bunch right quick. And “to chill” means “to sex–if I want”. In addition, they are not interested in friendship–only sex and the quicker the better. If you pass the erection test, they’ll go from friendship to fuck-buddy in about 10 seconds. If you don’t pass the erection test, then “friendship” means “get lost”. They are often like a woman: That is, they feel that they are the prize and they want you to chase them. Their ability to make conversation is very limited. They do what a good football running back (but a bad friend, lover or companion) does: They fake left and run right. To sum up: Most men on are not worth the salt in their bones. Salt is very cheap and there is little salt in bones.

    The thing is that gay men are men and the desire for 1. Looks: How you look from the neck up. 2. Body: How you look from the neck down. 3. Sex/sex appeal: Whether the sex is good and whether you are sexually alluring. (I called this the “erection test”. That is, it’s whether he thinks he will enjoy having sex with you.) And 4. Youth: Generally, the younger the better. And 1 through 4 add up to sex and the “unqenchable thirst for sex”.is a man thing–not a gay man thing. Think of Hugh Hefner, President John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Sampson and Deliliah, King David and Bathsheba of the Bible and many more straight men who were felled by their love of pussy–straight sex.

    But with gay men, gay culture is man culture and it allows and encourages sexual excesses much more than straight society/culture does. Why? Because straight men must moderate/compromise sexual desires because they deal sexually and otherwise with women and women would not and don’t allow the excesses. And they mate/have relationships with women and they have children with women. The wife may be old and fat, but they better keep their penises to themselves or they may have to pay alimony through the nose and have child support taken by an IV. Gay men typically don’t have alimony or child support issues.


    Jamari, the truth is “Yes” for the vast majority of gay men. Many gay men in their 30s and 40s have never been in even one relationship–particularly black gay men in the USA. And many will never be in relationships. As indicated above, men have as or almost as their “everything” looks, body, sex, sex appeal and youth. (As I’ve said before, if you have that “currency”, then you’re at the top of the sexual “food” chain and you can “spend” and “buy” what you want–and you get sex and attention galore. And if you don’t have that “currency”, then you have little or nothing to spend and you’re left to beg for what you can get. And begging includes being a cum bucket, having risky sex, sucking whatever dick you can get, etc. Hey, “beggars can’t be choosers!”) And all four of those things decrease with age. You may work out as much or more at the gym as when you were 25 but at 45, you’re testosterone levels decline and so does your ass. And with age comes work responsibilities (and promotions) so you’ll have less time to work out! And you’ll find that men of 45 don’t want as their first choice for sex partners other men of 45. No, if you are his same age, then you’re too old for him. He wants a man with the body of Adonis and the face of America’s Next Top Male Model and such a man is likely not 45–25 or 35, maybe.

    Is there anything more than looks, body, sex, sex appeal and youth for gay men? Is there more than busting nuts with a steady stream of “one shot deals”/hook-ups? How about things like relationships? Marriages? Commitment? Companionship? Love? No, Jamari, for the vast majority of gay men that’s all there is and that’s all there every will be!

  3. This was a deep post btw and Jay hit on so much of what a Gay dude goes thru, so many of us think that all we have to offer is sex. Its no secret many of us are deeply wounded because of the constant negativity we endure about our lifestyle and its really not many role models of good healthy successful relationships especially in the community of Color that most of us have to find our own way. Lets not forget we are still men and have that primal urge for sex without strings or attachment.

    I see so many flamboyant dudes who think that they have to act like that to garner attention. Its required that they hang around their female friends and blend in. Granted many females have been the only ones to show them any type of love and acceptance so its easy to fall into the trap. Many dont realize until its too late that they really dont have your best interest, you are only their as their confidant until they get a man or until you get a man and then its a problem. I think many masculine dudes deal with the fact that they are uncomfortable with their gayness, they wanna fit in with the str8 world so they are conflicted as well. Its hard to find a masculine partner unless he is just their for the sex.

    Personally I have taken a break from hanging out with gay dudes at parties, clubs etc for the last 4 months. I can honestly say that I havent missed the gay contact at all. I have been focusing on work, the gym and being better, but I wonder when I will hit the wall and want that contact again. It gets old being by yourself constantly, and I find myself making bad choices. A couple of weeks ago, I broke a golden rule of mine by hooking up with this down low married dude from the gym who has been sweating me for a couple of months, I finally gave in and hung out with him and of course it led straight to the bedroom. I was like why did I let myself fall into that, but I knew I was horny and in a strange way it felt good that at least someone was paying me some attention, but I cant lie and say I didnt feel conflicted and a little guilty especially afterwards when he called his wife with some bullshit story about what he was doing because he had stayed at my spot a little too long. I say to myself this cant be all their is to this life can it, just a hook up every now and then from the gym, from Jack’d. I guess I will continue to try to stay focus, rely on the foxhole for feedback and keep it pushing.

  4. It’s also hard to deal with gays because we’re so back and forth about what we want.

    The bottom top thing is complicated. The masculine feminine thing is complicated. The DL thing is complicated.

    Because we’re a new community in the sense that we’re out of the closet where people know we exist, we don’t have a semblance of what we should be because our community has been nothing but nut after nut for the past thousand years. It’s sort of like the Black community. We still have the ghetto ratchets and thugs that shoot each other for no reason. Part of the problem is all the years we were oppressed, we had nothing else to do but hate each other or fuck each other so that kinda stuck with us. Had Black people been able to start building suburban communities and businesses, we’d be looking at an entirely different group of people today. But, we still have the “WORLD STAR!” ratchets because we have no template of what we’re supposed to do/be because we fell into that habit. That’s not our fault tho, every time Black people started doing good and changing around the community, White people would get pissed and murder every single one of them which in turn, stopped our progression.

    If the gay thing had been accepted back when the Ancient Greeks did it, we’d probably be looking at an entirely different community because they would’ve had time to sort out the bottom top masc fem thing. Instead, they had to hide and visit bathhouses to get a nut because it wasn’t acceptable. I’m sure they still would have had a tough time because of religion.

    We’d probably see a lot of gay couples with the white picket fence and children had we been learning how to deal with homosexuality from the get go. We’d probably have our own gay gated communities too.

  5. gays are their own worst enemy. they’ve set the bar so low out of self hate. thats why most (including myself) hide. we’ve been excluded from the straight world with their rule and norms. so we created our own world where its easy enough to fit in.
    I wanna fuck you wanna fuck
    I bust a nut you bust a nut
    Why complicate thing? Its not like any of us deserve better. right?

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