i wrote the following earlier today.
i was in my feelings.
i needed to vent so i stopped working to write.
this is what i came up with…
i had a vision today.
i saw myself packing my shit up,
leaving a note on the table,
and walking out the door.
mi wasn’t home.
my phone was on airplane mode.
jamari fox was about to go rogue.
i told the movers to be careful with certain boxes.
in this vision,
a fox had funds.
i wanted everything gone before she got in the house.
i didn’t want to have to explain anything to everyone.
i just wanted everything to be a flawless execution for my exit…
its mean to say this,
but i want to leave this forest i’m in and tell no one.
i’m at this point where i’m just “ret tah go”.
i’m not happy.
i’m “in between blessings”.
i’m emotionally drained.
i feel like when i moved mi into my crib,
i expected her to do everything she said on the phone.
she did a lot of ear hustlin’.
lately it feels like i’ve been downgrading.
she eats me out of house and home.
her half of the rent has been short as well.
i have been coming out of pocket more than i should.
i’ve also had a few doctor’s bills i had to pay off as well.
do i even need to get started on these deadlines at my job?
or how the second row on my laptop isn’t working and i’m out of warranty?
i come home and i’m ready to sleep.
*add how blessed i am and i should be grateful here*
maybe its today,
but i feel like i want to run to a new forest and never look back.
if i was paid,
it would just be my laptop and i off to the next adventure.
for whatever reason,
those “run fox run” thoughts are making me feel happy.
is that wrong?