“instead of spreading my legs,
i spread my emotional walls.
i hate that i did that.
i know that i want to be liked…
to be loved…
to be fucked…
but i gotta make these wolves earn that part of me.
maybe even everyone?”
the “shift”.
it’s the feeling you get when the vibe changes.
calls stop.
texts become less and less.
you wonder…
“What did I do wrong?”
“Was it me?”
you hit them up and they claim it’s not like that,
but their actions tell a whole nother story.
that is me right about now.
i have a habit of self blaming.
i been doing it these last few days.
i went out with a wolf that i thought would change my life.
he was everything,
ya know?
handsome.
amazing bawdy.
paid for everything.
conversation was great.
the vibe was great and we have a lot in common.
even during our date,
he claimed he wanted to see me again.
“i’m not like other wolves…”
all lies.
all bullshit.
i was with the wolf of my fantasies tho.
i did get an expensive meal and a movie of my choice.
no money out of my pocket.
i didn’t get on my knees to “pay for it” after,
but i felt i something worse.
My opened myself up to let him in
crazy,
i know.
maybe i should have been more aloof?
thotish?
distant?
cold?
less “me”?
that is where i feel fucked.
i don’t think most wolves like me for me.
the genuine me.
i’m glad i went through everything with work wolf.
i got much stronger,
learned what i won’t tolerate,
and able to see myself in a new light.
no one wants to feel emotionally used tho.
they lead you down this path,
make you feel like they gonna be there,
or they aren’t like everyone else,
and then leave your ass high and dry.
that isn’t fair.
I’m not a robot
I’m not a cell phone
I’m not a laptop
I’m not a tv
i’m a human fuckin being with feelings.
i can’t be strong all the time.
this is how i been feeling and it sucks,
but with everything and everyone else,
this too shall pass.
lowkey: there is “good” in goodbye,
even if you have to wonder what the good actually is.
There is an immaturity about you that I’m sure the dude picked up on by the end of the night. You present yourself as being extremely surface minded & material oriented. Maybe the dude found you physically appealing AT FIRST. However, in sitting across from you & engaging in conversation, he quickly realized that you do not exist as his equal mentally. He could probably tell just how much growing up you still have to do & was himself looking for someone a lot more polished or already THERE — where they want to be in life. You are definitely focused on the most trivial aspects of most situations; hence the reason you are still single and will be for a very looooooong time.
Put your brakes on. Make dating fun and not so serious. Quit treating every guy like they are THE ONE.
So he made promises and faded back. Let it go. That proves he is not worth your time anyway. There are plenty more fish out there. Why waste your time on one that is rotting and stink?
You need to go on more dates. Sample a wide range of men.
And the fact you wrote that he paid for everything and you got a meal and movie out of it is telling. That sounds like a bitch move. Like a gold bricker. You are better than that.
And stop talking about your career aspirations. That is boring as fuck. When you work 40 hours a week you don’t want to talk about that shit on a date. Talk about issues of day, fashion, food, entertainment.
Come on you write one of the most interesting blogs I have come across. I’m sure you have something better to talk about than what you want to be when you grow up.
And next time why don’t you go dutch on a date. Or see a guy you like and offer to take them out to a place you find affordable. Even women do this now.
That may make you seem more attractive and interested in learning more about the guy instead of learning about whether he can take care of you.
I’m happy you’re getting out there but try not to stress yourself out over this one sometimes that is how dating can be sometimes the chemistry is not flt on both ends and that’s ok.
p.s. loving the comments everyone wrote above
This is a great thread, and great comments. I’m low-key going through something similar. It’s real out here.
There could be many reasons why he never responded.
Financial Issues 🤑
Ex-Lover Issues 👹
Job Issues 🙁
Medical Issues 🤒
Family Issues 😷
Afraid of actual commitment 😭
Psychological Issues 😵
But…
If he hasn’t responded back after numerous attempts, it’s most likely he’s not interested anymore, and if that’s the case, neither should you be. 🙃
I won’t sugarcoat you with some Disney bullshit & say that everyone will meet their prince or princess. Some people are better off without a “significant other” (like myself)(not referring to you, just in general). Some folks can manage with having just good friends by their side. If anyone on here believes in God, (not to drag religion in this since I’m not religious 😇) but all you really need is God on your side to get you through life. It may be a point where someone does come into your life though & if that’s the case then go for it but:
Take my advice below with a teaspoon of salt since I don’t “date” guys. 😝
First, dating to me is like going to the first interview of a dream job. If the company is interested in you, they will call you back for a follow-up interview, second date. They will rejoice over your skills AND make references back to the first interview and how pleasant it was. Embedded after the first few dates is the background check. 😱
Men aren’t that hard to figure out. If a man is interested in you he will show it. Behavior is an indicator of truths. These days people LIVE by their smartphones, so I don’t want hear any crazy excuses to why you didn’t call me back or text’d me unless your phone is broken, I mean entire screen broke & I cant see nothing in my life but cracks kinda broke, or your phone is off…(I may not take this one lightly either since they have texting apps that communicate via WiFi with a phone service and WiFi is free in a lot of places.) Men make effort when they want something. Most of us are men so we should know that. 😳
The transwomen Foxholers are probably lucky to have the appearance of women but also know how men think so they can whip Straight, bi or gay men into shape pretty quickly. 😰
Even with deaths in the family, you should still let someone know. A simple, “I’m sorry but someone passed away in my family and I need time to grieve. I will get back to you when I’m feeling better.” Is not hard at all and shows courtesy and also interest. He’s interested enough in you too let Yu know what’s going on in his life. 😬
Sometimes the people we meet in life are there to show us something about ourselves or it may be vice versa for them. It just depends.
When I do meet a guy who is interested in me. I ask a few random questions (🤔) out of the blue during conversation after hanging with them a few times. I ask a few but the main ones I ask are:
What do you desire in life the most?
And the dreaded question…
What made you pick me out of everyone else? What do you like about me?
The answers range from, “I want to be happy.” , “Love.”, “A Bae.” “A fuck buddy.” “A friend.” to the second question: “You look nice.” “Phat ass.” “You’re just different.” “You’re cute.” 😓
I like to see where a dude’s mind is: whether he is looking for a moment, or trying to fill in an emptiness within himself and feels a relationship will cure it, which is wrong. 😯
If you want to be successful, surround yourself with successful people.
If you want to be happy, you have to supply happiness from within first. Fufill your inner self and renew your spirit, mind and body.
You give love, you get it when it’s time. (This is as Disney as I’m getting. Enjoy it while it lasts. 😛)
The laws of attraction do work and most importantly, KNOW YOUR WORTH. Some man will pick up on it and slide right on over there or find someway to “bump into” you. This usually happens when you least expect it, so be alert but be confident. 😀
However, If a nigga tries to give you a penny for your thoughts, you give yourself the credit you deserve and charge it to the game. You’re better off without him. 😒
The message of today is KNOW YOUR WORTH. 😛🙃🙂
^this was like “chicken soup for the soul”.
love this.
Exactly. Can’t make excuses for why they’re not interested.
It’s the same thing with women. You have the one that stays with the loser forever hoping he’ll wise up and marry her and then 6 months after they finally break up he proposes to the next woman in two weeks.
Men know what they want fairly quickly and they act on it, but we’re also trained to entertain backburner thots until something better comes along. Don’t be the placeholder lol
you have a habit of hitting me w/ messages like this that I’m dealing with right at the moment cause I’m dealing w/ a guy that I thought we were building towards something but it’s like the way he’s been handling everything and how we’ve been interacting lately it feels like we are drifting.
I honestly hate the way the dating scene is set up where you have to basically be lucky as fuck to find the right person and even luckier to keep them because “they have options.” I’m trying not to be hurt because we haven’t settled on something but it’s like why get my hopes up and not communicate your feelings with me instead of leaving me hanging. It is a slippery slope of how much interest should I show period like what works for me when it comes to a guy that I actually like.
A wise woman once said:
“I don’t bother with these hoes. Don’t let these hoes bother me!”
-Philosopher Cardi B
I try my hardest to live by this mantra.
I don’t envy men that actually want a serious relationship with men at all. Honestly, most of the dating pool is undateable🤷🏾♂️
Doesn’t matter what their education or socioeconomic level is, big city or small city, fem or masc they’re just plain undateable lol
i’m so thankful i’m able to font my emotions out and get great feedback.
bad or good,
it helps shape me in some way.
i was holding this in and it was really bothering me.
sitting back and letting all that process helped me to release it.
i feel better,
especially with all these amazing comments.
thank you.
Aww it’s okay Jamari. I don’t know why you haven’t heard from him, but don’t blame yourself. I often feel like that when I meet someone new as well. Like you, I wondered did I give too much of me upfront and run them off, but I’ve been working on changing my mindset regarding that. I’ve come to the conclusion that if a person likes me, they would continuously show interest. If they don’t, their lost and I’ll use that time to continue to focus on myself. One day, we’ll meet someone worthy of us completely.
^”i’ve come to the conclusion that if a person likes me, they would continuously show interest.”
right.
hell,
there are folks who are distant and don’t open up,
fuck on the first date,
and still get nothing.
bitches and assholes get ghosted too.
they can get cheated on.
the excuse would be “well you were too cold and i needed affection”.
so what is the balance then?
where is the middle ground when it comes to dating?
we shoudn’t have to put masks on during the first date,
play this role of “billy bad ass pineapple”,
only to take it off and reveal we aren’t “that” down the dating line.
You’re right and unfortunately I don’t think there is a clear remedy to the problem. It’s like you have to continuously do something different each time, and hope for the best. My time and sanity is too valuable to keep going through that. Over the years, I’ve become content with being single.
The funny thing with interest nowadays is that so many people have it confused with “thirstiness”. Somewhere in the last decade the culture has made being into someone a desperation tactic and its sooo damaging and wrong. Hence why many play the aloof game.
Bad move, J…
Opening up that much that soon on a first date translates to “I gotta a crapload”…RUN!!!!!!!!
Not trying to be mean, just honest…
🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️🤷🏽♂️
^i didn’t share my problems with him.
we didn’t have a therapy session on our outing.
i don’t have much problems besides wanting a career and trying to get to the next level,
tbh.
“opening up” meant being open to the possibility of “more” and showing me instead of the “i don’t care” persona i adopted.
letting my guard down and being open to “something” after being burned all last year.
Dating is such a tightrope. Trying to toe the line between being open, honest, and optimistic. Versus being guarded and closed off to spare your own feelings. Not to mention 99.9% of millennials have trash dating habits. Met this guy recently who said we made a “connection” and he was “different” blah blah blah. Then the shift happened and I wasn’t surprised so I just smashed a couple times and kept it moving.
I said it before Jamari, men love moments so enjoy the moment and don’t project into the future I had to stop doing that myself and it works wonders. At least u got a free meal, dude served his purpose for the night.
^you were so right when you said “men love moments”.
i’ll do better moving forward.
He is absolutely right why you think women have so many problems out of us. They think future with their partner we think moment.
^so we don’t make friends anymore?
long lasting connections?
networks?
just moments…
we are simply just moments that when we grow old,
and lonely,
we will remember all the “moments” we went through?
Ironically I learned that philosophy from a female friend of mine lol. Hell if I was in your shoes as soon as he said “see you again” I woulda ordered another glass of wine and dessert to go lmao
This comment is pretty much spot on.
“Dudes love moments”
Somebody put this on all currency so we can all remember this on the daily!