Dead Bodies and Dead End Jobs

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i saw her body today…

she looked nice.
she looked like herself to me.
my parents looked different.
i really liked the outfit they put her in.
one of my cousins sent me her picture in the coffin.
at first,
i didn’t want to see it,
but i was curious.
i’m always curious.
it’s like when i heard about “two girls; one cup”.
i vowed that i was not going to watch it,
but somehow,
it was up on my home vixen’s browser ready to view.
after throwing up all my lunch,
i realized my nosiness usally gets the best of me.

this was my family tho

i don’t really have a big family,
so this loss was another tough one.
i can still hear her voice in my head.
the way she would call my name.
i’ll soon forget how she sounds soon.
i’m still shook up over not being able to attend.
i don’t have the money.
i’m on a serious budget too.
rent is next week and i hope i’m able to make it.

on other news in my life…

Why does this thanksgiving feels like dooms day?

i don’t know why,
but i’m dreading it.
last year,
it was mi and me.
i cooked a big meal and i felt so happy.
this year,
i’m not cooking at all.
it feel out of it.
like,
i just want to sleep as i been doing.
i been taking various things to help me sleep.
i know.
i know i shouldn’t.
i’ll stop soon.
i promise.

tumblr_lxirx5awvl1r7g4vzo1_500i’ve had a lot of folks reach out to me.
my old co workers,
and the clients that would come see me,
have been sending me so much love.
thing 2 cried on the phone.
they are all hurt i’m not there anymore.
the emails made me sad.
the top shelf executive assistant,
who became my ally,
sent me a touching email.
she spoke so highly of me and offered to be a reference.
what shocked me was work wolf hitting me up.
he wanted to make sure i was okay.
i haven’t spoken to him in months,
but we had a good talk.

“i told you i’m not going anywhere.”

i pray God allows me to get through these next few weeks.
hell…
the next few steps on this mountain.
i don’t want to slip and fall.

lowkey: i cried writing this.
i needed to get this off my chest.

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Author: jamari fox

the fox invited to the blogging table.

9 thoughts on “Dead Bodies and Dead End Jobs

  1. You need to be held, Jamari. Damn I wish I lived in New Yawk. I’m sending you good vibes right now. I feel like things are gonna work out for you, and all of the tears will make sense one day. You’ll be okay babyboy. 😘

  2. You’re a soldier J and this too shall pass. Hang in there as weeping may endure for one night but joy comes in the morning!

  3. Aww Jamari, keep your head up. It will get better in time. I know you want to alone, but maybe you could see if you could spend Thanksgiving with one of your friends. Sometimes it’s better being around people to keep your mind off of things.

  4. I’ve been there brother. Best advice I can give you is to stay hungry and stay on the hunt for your next opportunity. The worst thing you can do is to stay in the house all day feeling depressed. When I was jobless I still got up everyday around 9 am. I worked out and went straight to the library/cofee shop to fill out applications online. And when I wasn’t do that, I was at EVERY networking lunch, job fair, recruting opportunity in my field. The WORST thing you can do is to stay home. Get out there everyday and you’ll find something in no time.

  5. You shouldn’t be surprised by the out reach of people you leave a light no matter where you go. I’m sure you’re aunt knew what kind of good person you are and is looking down on you . Try Keep your head up during this tough time

  6. Still praying for you. We’re behind you 110%. And the fact that so many ppl are reaching out and saying so much about you is a testament to the kind of fox you really are. I hope you have a very peaceful and relaxing thanksgiving day.

  7. Oh Jamari, I’m so sorry. Take a few days for yourself to mourn and sort through your emotions., and then I’d recommend what flyfoxx said. He was on point in that comment. Things WILL get better, take it day by day.

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