i saw her body today…
she looked nice.
she looked like herself to me.
my parents looked different.
i really liked the outfit they put her in.
one of my cousins sent me her picture in the coffin.
i didn’t want to see it,
but i was curious.
i’m always curious.
it’s like when i heard about “two girls; one cup”.
i vowed that i was not going to watch it,
it was up on my home vixen’s browser ready to view.
after throwing up all my lunch,
i realized my nosiness usally gets the best of me.
this was my family tho
i don’t really have a big family,
so this loss was another tough one.
i can still hear her voice in my head.
the way she would call my name.
i’ll soon forget how she sounds soon.
i’m still shook up over not being able to attend.
i don’t have the money.
i’m on a serious budget too.
rent is next week and i hope i’m able to make it.
on other news in my life…
Why does this thanksgiving feels like dooms day?
i don’t know why,
but i’m dreading it.
it was mi and me.
i cooked a big meal and i felt so happy.
i’m not cooking at all.
it feel out of it.
i just want to sleep as i been doing.
i been taking various things to help me sleep.
i know i shouldn’t.
i’ll stop soon.
i’ve had a lot of folks reach out to me.
my old co workers,
and the clients that would come see me,
have been sending me so much love.
thing 2 cried on the phone.
they are all hurt i’m not there anymore.
the emails made me sad.
the top shelf executive assistant,
who became my ally,
sent me a touching email.
she spoke so highly of me and offered to be a reference.
what shocked me was work wolf hitting me up.
he wanted to make sure i was okay.
i haven’t spoken to him in months,
but we had a good talk.
“i told you i’m not going anywhere.”
i pray God allows me to get through these next few weeks.
the next few steps on this mountain.
i don’t want to slip and fall.
lowkey: i cried writing this.
i needed to get this off my chest.