i woke up this morning at 4am in a sweat.
it was kinda hot in my apartment,
because the heat been on “hoe in church with no draws on” level.
ironically enough,
i went to sleep naked that night.
i had a funny feeling in the pit my stomach.
something didn’t feel “right”.
i get those feelings often.
i got up and went to check the locks.
locked.
i walked throughout the crib to make sure no one was hiding in my closets.
(ha ha ha i already hear the jokes now).
nothing.
i looked at my mail on my coffee table.
  no current or overdue bills.
restaurant ads and junk mail.
my apartment was clean.
i gave a quick thanks to god.
he has provided me so much and i am truly grateful.
i laid on my couch.
what was this feeling i was having?
why was i having it?
i wasn’t use to it.
then it hit me!
i was feeling the effects of “my house was in order”.
i had no drama in my life.
i’m not getting fucked on the regular,
but i don’t have to worry about some bullshit ass wolf.
no struggling to pay bills.
food was in my fridge.
i’m unemployed,
but i was still making it.
i cut off all the dead weight.
i erased a ton of useless contacts in my phone.
so why was i feeling like this?
why was i up at 4am,
naked,
and still stripping myself down looking for something wrong?
i started to wonder…
if i am so used to things going completely left field…

Was I actually shocked when things are going right?

Continue reading “Drama King” →

i’m all for people trying to advance their careers.
even try something new.
it worked for someone like j.lo for a little while.
look we are all singers and rappers in the privacy of our homes,
but that is where it needs to stop.
this is for you desean…

don’t make that face.
this is for your own good.
did anyone know desean was trying to be a rapper?
well i heard he wanted to attempt it,
but i didn’t think he was serious.
he debuted his new video called “brinks truck“.
yes.
i know.
typical negro shit.
it features gillie da kid, lee mazin & yung mac….

Continue reading “DeSean Jackson Needs To Stick To Catching Footballs” →

this is my quote for that quote:

the following quote comes from morrissey,
former snow something from the rock group smiths…

Continue reading ““If Men Were Gay, There Would Be No War.” End Quote.” →

the american dollar has lost it’s value.
after all these antics in the government,
it has caused a decline in our worth.
everything worth having has declined also.
one thing that should NEVER decline?
your talents and value.
the other day,
i had something happen that reminded me my worth as a human being.
i’m NOT the fox to settle for less…

Continue reading “You Put In Such Hard Work To Satisfy A Dick In Your Life” →

YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS…

Okay, so I have a dilemma hear. So I’ve written to you twice in the past. Once was about how to score a wolf in “The City” or as you like to call it, “The Concrete Forest”. So that was kind of a bust. So I really just got used to sticking to myself, and I got this mentality, that I needed to allow whatever is meant to be to happen, and let the chips fall into place itself. So I decided to stop looking before I eventually fuck shit up for myself, and let love, lust, a relationship, whatever you wanna call it come to me. So I’m doing my usual on Instagram, posting pictures, liking pictures, and I get a new follower. I don’t get hype over followers anymore because most of the are obsessive DL daddies or people looking to follow you, fuck you, and leave you that same night. I’ve had a bad experience with Instagram as I told you before, this guy gave me his number, and once we started talking, he started getting crazy via text message. So ever since then Instagram has been nothing but entertainment for me, nothing I take seriously. But anyways back to the story…

So I’m on Insatgram and I see this cute guy following me. He looks my age or around my age (I am 18 btw). So I follow back, he likes some pics, so I like some pics. So I decide to be spontaneous and leave a comment on his pic asking him for his FB. He has no FB so he gives me his Kik, so we begin to chat on there. He seems like he communicates well, he seemed nice, respectful, kind, sexy, mysterious, sweet. Only thing that bothered me at that point is that he lived Upstate 5 hrs away. All the things you look for. But everything was going to perfect. Until, I asked him how old he was. Jamari, he replied:

16.

Now I know I am 18, and he’s 16. To many two years ain’t nothing. But when you’re a teen, and in this Lifestyle, it isn’t cool or normal to talk with 16 year old. So I became apprehensive and I joked with him about his age, he joked back about how young he was, and joked and called me old. He was just so damn cute. So we exchanged numbers and hit it off.

We’ve only been talking for like, 18 days, but well into the first week it was just a closeness I felt with him. We would ooVoo, I would talk with his sister, we would have late night “ooVoo sex”. I just felt a connection with him, a bond, I felt like he was my distant lover, I felt like he was my younger brother. But things were moving too well, and then stuff got complicated. Even though were only two years apart, we are at two completely different stages in my life. I’m 18 heading off to my freshman year in college, meanwhile he just turned 16 a month before we start talking, and he is starting his junior year of High School. He has to ask for permission for everything, he only has one lap top so he has to ask his dad to use it all the time. And our schedules just got so messed up we began having to schedule time to talk, so everything just got harder and more stressful.

So long story short, I caught feelings for dude fast, as well as he did with me. However, things have switched gears already. I feel like he wants to be the one in charge. People will think because I’m oldest it would be me, but he is VERY Headstrong, he knows what he wants and likes. We argue a lil, but its nothing. I want him to come down one weekend when I have the free crib so we can chill and do some other “stuff” you know, fuck. But he has to ask his dad, and we have to plan for him to leave upstate on a Friday and have him back by Sunday. Jamari, I like this guy. Today he told me “he has love for me” and I told him “I have love for him” and we both know this is growing into something special. But I just can’t deal with the kiddie bullshit. The going to school and getting hype about school fights (yes, he text me about how happy he was that he saw a fight), I can’t deal with his immaturity, he seems to have communication skills, and he has trouble expressing his emotions. I can’t deal with the asking your parents for everything, I’m 18 now, I have my diploma, I’m off to college in January, I don’t need her permission for shit. He has to ask his parents for everything, and he just doesn’t have that much freedom to leave and spend this weekend we’re planning to be together. He’s a special guy, but his age, immaturity, and where he lives, gets in the way of us progressing. I like him a lot but I’m still weighing out my options, because I’m only 18.

Jamari, what should I do about this situation. I know I come off as a kid, but I have my stuff together, and what I don’t I am trying my hardest to get in order. I need your help bro.

P.S: I love you and everything you have accomplished with the site. You’ve created a place where it’s okay for us to communicate no matter how we live our lifestyle. It’s very judgement free, but fun. Thanks. Wish you well with everything.

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: This Young Wolf Wants To Be My Daddy… But I’m Older Than Him. Help!!” →

i been down with him since purple kisses and purple swag…

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USSez4WbAM8]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuZ2QZKYj7c]

that shit is smooth.
it’s like he makes music to get high out your mind.
the reason i like a$ap is not only is his flow on point,
but he has no filter on his mouth.
i know he is going to be honest and blunt as hell.

like this:

Continue reading “Let’s Talk About A Real Rapper Named A$AP Rocky…” →