FOXMAIL

Hey Jamari,

So I hope you’ve been doing good personally and professionally! I haven’t really gotten a chance to read or even comment on the blog. I’m deep in Georgia taking care of my dad who has dementia. I’ve been viewing when I get a chance or time to myself.

I don’t know if you remember us talking but I remember mentioning a guy I dealt with years ago that was addicted to meth. I haven’t spoken with him in years. From time to time, I would call his last known number and leave voicemails and texts in the hopes that we would speak. I’ve been in Georgia since April and even then, I called his phone hoping that I would get him. It was one day last week that I was sitting down and I got a message on A4A by someone who called me by name. It was him. I damn near cried Jamari. He updated his phone number and gave it to me. We talked. I told him about my moving to Florida and wanting to go to Flatbush to speak to his mother (my best friend didn’t think it was a good idea) to ask for him. He told me he’s been going to church with his mother in Brooklyn and he’s been looking for me too. I asked him was he taking care of himself and he said that there’s a lot of things he wants to speak to me about when I do come back to New York. I’m assuming it’s about the drug use. I will say that he sounded less erratic now than he did in the past.

Jamari, let me be perfectly honest. I’ve dealt with men who were more handsome, better off financially, bigger, tighter, and drug free. I don’t know why I feel what I feel for this man, but every man I have ever dealt with cannot compare to him. I love him and have always loved him. He is 2 years younger than me. We would stay in my apartment all weekend watching movies and fucking. We would talk about so many things. But his drug use is what made me stay away from him. The more comfortable he got with me, the more he got open in his use of meth around me. The last time I saw him was either in 2014 or 2015 and I went to his condo in the Bronx. It was a Chinatown traphouse. We were about to mess around but, he needed to take a hit before he could perform. I left abruptly and avoided his calls and texts.

I come back to New York on June 17 and we are supposed to catch up when I get back. I know myself. I know that when I see him, I’m going to hold him and start crying. I have been looking and searching for this man literally for years and I made a promise to myself that I were to ever find him, I can’t let him go. I don’t know why I love him, but he is spiritually familiar to me. Happiness is all I feel when he comes around. I haven’t let go of the hope that I would see him or be with him again, and I feel that life has given me a second chance at happiness with the one that loves me.

Am I making the right decision in inviting this man back into my life or am I setting myself up for an even bigger letdown?

Kind regards,

MY ANSWER…

Continue reading “f0xmail: I’m Still In Love With My Meth Addicted Ex! Help!” →

I HAD TO STOP WHAT I WAS DOING TO WRITE ABOUT THIS.
i was actually writing about simone blies,
but what just happened needed an update.
i hope you are sitting.
please sit.
so as i was writing that entry,
when i got a text from a number i never saw before.
it said…

Continue reading “Contact (Mi)” →

“Dom Perignon is what we’re sippin’
While we’re trippin on the fact that she’s not here
It turns us on in every way…”

what if I told you i just got a f-bi tip about an artist in the industry?
what if i told you it was a dude who is making a name for himself?
what if i told you he has come out with hit record after record?
what if i told you in the tip it said he befriends vixens who are in relationships and pursue their wolves?
what if i told you since he looks and passes for straight, he is able to come off UN-assuming?
what if i told you looking like that HAS helped him get wolves/foxes/or hybrids?
what if i told you he pursued a famous, but low key, producer?
what if i told you he was giving said producer head on his couch while his wife was upstairs sleeping?
what if i told you…

Continue reading “Tell Me What I’m Going To Do About This F*ckin 3some Love Affair?” →

So last week I was online,
being the pervert I have come to enjoy so much.
Since I havent been getting any pipe,
what better way to relieve all this pent-up sexual fuck stress than: masturbating.

So I went into my files and popped in a J. Strokes video and got to doing my thing…
Continue reading “This Ones… For You….” →