blogger ursovain and i have thee most inspirational “a-ha” moments in emails.
i enjoy corresponding with him.
yesterday we were talking about a wolf turned hyena he decided to meet offline.
from vain’s account,
the hyena and his “house” was not in order.
no seriously.
the house was a mess and he was an even bigger mess.
i said:
“well at least you realized this and left.
this life promotes “well sleep with him anyway’”.
“That was one of the realest statements I have heard in a while.”
it’s true tho.
someone else would have “slept with him anyway”…
i’ve noticed that most of “us” in the life are pretty much down for anything.
we don’t seem to have a “pump ya brakes” mentality towards sex.
we’ll meet someone,
he is completely disgusting and not out type in the least,
but we’ll “sleep with him anyway” because this constant need for sex.
sex is how we “control” each other.
well unless he is fat or looks like the swamp man.
then they sit over there—->
it never fails that we lay down with “ain’t shit” hyenas and jackals:
you meet him,
his apartment is a mess,
the cat’s litter box hasn’t been cleaned in weeks,
and his bathroom is nasty.
… but “sleep with him anyway” because he has a fat ass.
he is fine,
has a nice body,
he wears nice clothes.
on the other hand:
his breath smells like week ol bologna
his feet stink,
and he drowned himself in febreeze to try and mask the order.
…but “sleep with him anyway” because you saw the pipe and it was scrumptious.
he has no goals,
he spends most of his days on the couch,
his resume hasn’t been updated since 2005,
and he has been living off his sister forever.
…but “sleep with him anyway” because he has free smoke.
he has been pressuring you for sex.
you aren’t really feeling it because your spirit is telling you something ain’t right.
you haven’t had sex in forever and your friends make fun of you.
… but “sleep with him anyway” because he looked good in his private pictures.
whenever he sees you,
he always finds a way to touch you.
he is OD serious about trying to get some of that.
he is also your sister’s fiance.
… but “sleep with him anyway” because he is fine as hell and you hear he is good in bed.
you met him off online.
he is kinda thirsty,
but thats okay because he said he was a virgin.
he wants you to be the one to take his virginity.
he happens to be 14 and you are well in your 40s.
…but “sleep with him anyway” because you want to be the first to break those walls.
need i go on?
then after you sleep with him,
talk about him like a dog to everyone yo know so they can pass it on.
better yet,
put his nudes online for the world to see so others could be jealous.
“these gays ain’t loyal”.
maybe i may come off bougie,
and i’ve never said i’m not,
but i’m not fuckin’ anyone that gave me red flags.
nasty cribs.
bad hygiene.
super ratchet pasts.
questionable morals.
sure i have slept with wolves upon first meeting.
who hasn’t?
some of them i genuinely wanted and knew i would give up the ass.
no apologies.
only one wolf i will say i slept with being a dumb ass.
i was pressured into doing so because “you need to get some dick”.
well i did and it ended up being the worst sex i ever had.
it made for good stories to clown him,
but wasn’t i just as dumb to fuck someone i wasn’t sure about?
i had to wonder if this is just the standard in the “life”?
sleeping with everyone just “because”.
no matter how triflin’ the situation or the potential outcome?
only doing it because everyone else is.
if you aren’t “fuckin” then something is wrong with you.
having a 120 fever means something is wrong with you.
having some kind of class means you want quality instead of quantity.
i meannnnnnnnnnnnnn….
does this make people like this weird?
do i,
and others,
stick out like sore thumbs because we demand a normal sane muthafucka?
one who has his shit together?
one who isn’t a “regret” or “someone to talk about”?
thats like going to a fancy restaurant,
seeing a roach in your food,
still eating it anyway,
then putting the restaurant on blast for being nasty on social media.
i can’t.
so i had to wonder…
Truer words have never been spoken, I think at some point or other in this lifestyle you will sleep with him anyway, only after you have grown and get a little older do you develop some standards. The sad reality though, is those of us with standards seem to be alone in this lifestyle.
One of my homeboys who is a wolves, he has nice body, well endowed and masculine, but house is messy as fuck, really his life is just as messy, terrible with finances; always showboating when we go out, and broke a minute after payday. But if I tell you, he can not even keep up with the foxes. He has smashed so many, that I wonder if its any left. These dudes have range from very professional to ratchet and he dogs them out, takes their money and they still come back for more. So I see this reality with many gay dudes, they just wanna smash. Many have tried to make him their one with little success. He is now with a fox who checks his ass and he seems to be a little better, but he stills has random hook ups with foxes who even know he is in a relationship. I on the other hand try to have standards and get to know dudes and when I have stopped with the usual “sex right away” mentality, most of these dudes only engage me for a few minutes before I dont hear from them. Since my body transformation a couple of years ago from fat to lean lol, I can easily slip into being ratchet, I get a lot of attention now, but I can see right through it and refuse to settle for being someone fuck buddy like many of my homies. This lifestyle can be hell to navigate, I tell you 🙂
That’s all nice and everything… but maybe the guy in question just had no game or he was sloppy with his game, or he wasn’t attractive enough to look past all that.
Sorry, but I’m a firm believer that even the most conservative, confident, attractive, even prudish gay will fuck a dude in a closet of a traphouse with Jergen’s lotion as lube if he’s attracted to him enough and dude has a little game. If you’re offended #sorrynotsorry, just my experience.
So maybe the key is avoiding the ones that you’re so attracted to it’s animalistic and finding the one you’re just attracted to, but not so much you lose sight of your values. I don’t know, but in any case ratchet never dies, it just lays dormant inside you or comes out at random and you keep it on the hush. Lol
I settled for less before. Won’t do it again. Although it has kinda turned me off of relationships. I think I’ll become the old lonely cat lady. I’m not afraid to die alone. I prefer it.
ADORE DELANO- DTF!
“Not tryna’ meet yo’ momma!!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4TB4UdDKBM
No is my favorite word to say, or any variation of that word. When I sense an ounce of a bad vibe, I will say no. Mainly because I don’t want to look back, and regret that I did, said, went so and so. Instincts are given to you for a reason.
Loved this post man. I know I am fine without a doubt, and I can have anyone I want to have, make no mistake, but I just do not want to be a hoe and have low standards. I know many Foxes aren’t gonna invite a Wolf to a dirty crib, but my fellow Wolves pull those stunts. Some of y’all nasty. You invite the big booty fox from up the street over to smash and he can smell your balls through your shorts. Then as soon as he tells you your balls stink your lips are poked out and you wanna beat up dude when you know damn well you have’t showered since Wednesday morning…..and it’s Saturday night. I shower everyday, not just on Mondays and Fridays like those nasty niggas. I take 20 minute showers, sometimes a half an hour. I get a little caught up sometimes and play around in there lol. Roommates knocking on the door. “Are you almost done dude? ” “Yea I’ll be done in a minute bro.” LOL. After I bust this nut I’ll be done lol.
As for feeling pressured from peers, my days of feeling or being pressured are over. I am an adult the last time I checked. Aren’t we all? Most of the time, the people telling those sex stories are lying. Don’t be fooled, and do not allow these people to tell you what YOU need. Only you know what you need, not anyone else. How can another person tell you what da fuck you need when you are an adult? Marinate on that for a second. I do not cheat, and I do not have sex unless I’m in a relationship. Don’t hate me because my body count is low. It is all about pride, self-respect, and standards for me. I think with my big head, not the little one. One has a brain and one doesn’t. The head with a brain overrides the one without.
Big ups to Vain for dismissing that dude.
^love this man!!!!!!
I love to hear the opinion of wolves.
real wolves.
not the ones easily turned out and then talked about like dogs online.
The Man you really are wise beyond your years you know that lol…you’re going to make someone happy one day ;-0
He’s gonna make some woman very happy… :-“
I cosign 100% dude!
Hold up now MAN, don’t be grandstanding in front of these foxes to get brownie points. You not getting no cyber cakes. Lol
Let’s talk about the yellow dudes with the nice round cakes that invite you over at 4 a.m. to their apartment and you gotta step over their five roommates and you decide its too damn crowded and take them to your ride for some sloppy head and you realize they’re high as fuck on cocaine but they want you to buy them a 20 piece chicken mcnuggets from McDonalds because him and his roommates are hungry. Which all wouldn’t have been so bad if the head wasn’t so WACK, LAME, LAZY! :/
Explain that to us lol
No brownie points, just stating facts, true facts. I don’t need cyber cakes, I get more than enough love from people offline trust, and no I do not mean sex.
We really do have the best conversations lol. With this topic specifically, sure, we love to talk about not settling and having standards and respecting yourself, but where is the line between being “too picky” and “having too high of a standard.” We cannot pretend like there are a plethora of quality, worth-your-time, men out there. But a the same time we must acknowledge that we as black men in this society are not afforded the same opportunities as other races (especially white men). So we teeter between “understanding his circumstances given the context of our society” and “not settling for less than you deserve assuming you are of a certain level yourself.” So i established in a conversation with my best friend that when we talk about men, instead of focusing on monetary things (i.e. his father does this, he went to school here, he drives that) we establish that he is at least able to take care of himself and has the basics… and then from there we are only going to discuss the human qualities of who he is. The day to day things like how he handles stress, anger, and unhappiness. What his friends are like. What his love language is. Does he communicate effectively? And so on… A lot of the times we get caught up in the background information about where’s from and what he has and where he plans to go, and it ends up overshadowing the person in the here-and-now. The guy i met the other day did not have the basics, so therefore he was not eligible to get my time and attention despite being a bunch of other adjectives.
^i actually liked this breakdown.
i believe you will meet the man of your dreams.
he is out there.
even tho I make fun of “youknowho”,
he did meet a “kerry rhodes”.
he just didn’t know how to handle it.
everyone’s man is out there.
it’s just can you spot him when he comes your way.
maybe I’m too optimistic?
maybe I expect the best?
maybe I just hope that I’ll find the man I’m looking for?
it’s tough because everyone around you is embracing in ratchet behavior.
Everyone’s man is out there! You just have to be in alignment with him in order for him to come into your experience. That is the biggest thing. No such thing as being “too optimistic” but there is such thing as telling yourself you are “too anything” because you are comparing yourself to other people. Its about not worrying about what other people are doing. They cannot change how you feel unless you already felt that way on a certain level. “youknowwho” met Kerry Rhodes. It may be rare, but it happens. So we must have a little more faith in the universe and know that it is looking out for us. That claiming to be on you solodolo is going to keep you well… solo. Its okay to want a man. It’s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is okay to not allow things into your experience if you do not feel good about them.
^love this.
this is that GLOW talk.
Jamari there’s nothing wrong with having standards especially if it’s on a sex site because that’s pretty much the foundation upon which you’re meeting the person, because of sexual attraction. people crack me up when they expect something deeper on these sex sites, when the main banner on a4a is always loaded with links to sexsites,porn and etc…it’s not really a dating site these sites are predominantly for sex
however I have to say as a big guy most guys online think because they have a nice body and etc that they’re dicks are made out of gold and their shit don’t stink lol… but in reality in the real world i can’t pay my bills with your stroke, i can’t take of necessities with your body..and i think many gay men, black gay men in general in this generation have their sense of reality messed all the way up. All the men i’ve ever dated or conversed with have been athletic, independent, handsome men but i check them from the beginning to let them know yes i’m a big guy, but i’m handsome (was even featured on a fb page that showcased love for men with locs) i have an education, a mind, i’m independent and i won’t settle for any attitudes or egotistical behavior from a bum with a kings arrogance but your wallet is giving me peasant tease…there’s someone for everyone but the whole adam4adam, bgclive websites and etc these websites are all based on fantasy. you see the whole masculine only, no fems or fats, must be independent headlines when half of the guys posting these tags are effeminate, out of shape and living at home with relatives themselves…i always laugh when men say they’re not out and when you see their private pics they look sweeter then grandma’s homemade iced tea…
I’m masculine, but out and i have a realistic approach to what i’m looking for, when i was younger i had my ‘as long as you’re sexy i’d give you a go’ type mentality but now that I’m a few years shy of 30 my perspective has changed and with the vision i have for my life and future career in medicine and etc you have to be a wolf of sustenance for me to entertain you…no more playing games with DL wolves, bi-curious men who suck and fuck every thing with a dick but proclaim they’re straight, sexting episodes at night, creeping around because they’re not out…those days are over…when you KNOW who you are and your worth your tolerance for bullshit and idiosyncrasies fall by a 1000% overnight…so glad that I’ve lived and learned
^facts!!!!!!!
I say that Jamari, why should you settle? If he is not up to your standards and you feelin some type of way about him that doesn’t sit right or well with you, why you should just settle?,If he’s not bringing anything to the table that’s of value, such as morals, values and goals, just a hot body. I say good riddance. and remember if you lay down with a dog, you’re bound to get fleas!!!
^exactly.
even if im single for a while,
im building myself to be a better man.
everyone who reads this site should be as well.
be the man you want to attract.
Call it community service.Ha!
Saying no saves you a lot of pain at the end of the day. I know I have a particular taste because I know what I am attracted to. At the end of the day, some of us gays are very freaky, horny as hell, and really want to be loved. Who doesn’t? I just feel that there should be some level of respect though.
^great comment brandon.
There is nothing and I mean NOTHING wrong with saying N9, if you are getting a bad vibe. I’m getting out of a 2 year dry spell (mostly cuz I’m shy) because I just knew something was wrong about a situation and I refused to go thru with it. For awhile it was hard hearing my friends sex stories and having nothing to contribute. I started to think well maybe I’m too picky (no one is perfect) but fuck that me being picky saved me from some trifflin niggas.
^be picky and work on yourself.
don’t turn down everyone,
but don’t give yourself to just anyone either.