i’m really enjoying “no more mr. nice guy”.

x YOU CAN ENJOY THE PDF WITH ME HERE

it has been helping to open my eyes and see things more clearly.
chapter 3 dealt with an issue i struggle with constantly.

“only pleasing myself”

i tend to put my own feelings to the side for others.
i’m sure you can tell.
well this chapter had a lot more “break free” activities.
these are my answers…

Breaking Free Activity #4
I’ve taken surveys in several No More Mr. Nice Guy! groups asking the members about the attachments they use to try to get external approval. The following are just a few of the responses. Look over the list. Note any of the ways in which you seek approval. Add to the list any behaviors that are uniquely you. Write down examples of each. Ask others for feedback about the ways in which they see you seeking approval.

● Having one’s hair just right.

if my hair doesn’t look right,
or i start to get scruffy,
i start to think if i’m not “perfect” looking then no one will like me.

● Being smart.

if i do something i deem as “stupid”,
i will start to question who i am.

● Looking unselfish.

i try to be emotionally selfless with other animals.

● Making other people happy.

if you are my “friend”,
i try to do whatever to make you happy.

● Being a good worker.

i try to be a hard worker and sometimes overwork myself.

● Dressing well.

if my style if “off”,
then i feel everyone is noticing and judging.

● Being nice.

i’m way too nice to people who don’t deserve me.

● Never offending anyone.

i speak my mind now,
but i also try to hold back certain things in case i offend someone.
i try to remember people have feelings too.
funny how people say whatever they want to me,
but i hold my tongue with them.

*****

Breaking Free Activity #5
If you did not care what people thought of you, how would you live your life differently?

wow.
i really had to think about this question.
honestly…
i would feel like a tremendous weight was lifted off my shoulders.
i wouldn’t care about half the shit i do/say/think/feel.
my life would be only at “the present”.
i think about the past and the things i did and the future.
i would only be centered in the “now”.
my personal motto would always be:

“i cum first”

If you were not concerned with getting the approval of women men, how would your relationships with the opposite same sex be different?

i would probably be dating a lot more.
when i had this “attitude” a few years ago,
i was meeting more wolves and had plenty of options for sex.
even though i had crushes on “straight” wolves,
i also had “dl/bi/out” wolves trying to get at me as well.
my phone was never dry like how it is now.
 i was also happier because i felt sexy and desirable.

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Breaking Free Activity #6
Look over the lists above. Write down examples of situations in which you have tried to hide or distract attention from any of these perceived flaws. How effective do you think you are in keeping these things hidden from the people you love?

if i mess up.
i try to keep things that i feel would “embarrass” me to myself.
 with the foxhole,
and even with my friends i love in real life,
i feel they would judge me for the mistakes i make/continue to make.
my closest animals look at me a certain way.
many of them feel i am way too:

good looking
stylish
smart
talented
driven

…to fall into the situations i do.
sometimes it makes me feel like i’m “stupid”.
so i try to keep the things that make me feel that way a secret.
star fox is the only animal i felt didn’t judge me.
i can also tell pose things as well without judgment.
everyone else makes me feel like i should know better.

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Breaking Free Activity #7
Do you believe that people can see your human imperfections and still love you?

i do.
i need to realize everyone has “something”.
they either let it cripple them or use it to their advantage.

How would you be different if you knew the people who care about you would never leave you or stop loving you — no matter what?

well…
my friendships always spanned years.
my friends love me for who i am.
they accept me for all that i am as well.
if strangers who meet me want to be in my life,
that should say something about me.
honesty moment…
i thought work wolf would appreciate me as well.
i also thought he would never leave my life.
i was naive about that.

*****

Breaking Free Activity #8
Go back to the list of approval-seeking behaviors at the beginning of this chapter. Choose one of the ways you try to get external validation and do one of the following:

1) Go on a moratorium from this behavior. Set a period of time to stop doing it. Tell the people around you what you are doing. If you slip, tell a safe person about it. Use the slip as information about why, in that particular moment, you felt the need to get external approval.

i want to stop being so nice to people who don’t deserve it.
i want to unapologetic.
so i’ll do that starting the 1st of april until the 1st of may.

2) Consciously do more of this behavior. This may not make logical sense, but it is a powerful way to explore any dysfunctional behavior. Observe how you feel when you consciously try harder to get external validation.

******