no spelled backward is on and you should be gone (on is in gone)

“The worst they can do is tell you no.” – Karaoke said to me the other day

the word “no” is scary.
we think we are good enough and end up getting rejected.
we end up being scorned and don’t want to try for anything anymore.
karaoke and i were talking about approaching things boldly and asking for what we want.
i use to be so scared of rejection because of my past trauma due to rejection.
it all came from a fear of being judged and wanting to control things tbh.
so i’d wait for someone to say “yes” while wasting my time deciphering signs and games.
i’ve learned the hard way that:

“Mixed signals or hesitation means no.”

i was watching something with law roach the other day.
he is the vision behind many of zenadaya’s looks.
law is dope and i fux with him so far.
during this podcast discussion with “the cutting room floor”,
he spoke about all the big brands who told him “no” for zendaya to wear their clothes.

this is what he said that gave me my oprah “a-ha” moment

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i don’t want my kid seeing me be gay or affectionate with my partner

kids need to be handled with a certain care.
there are many who shouldn’t have kids as they are still mentally childish.
as much flaws as my late mother had,
i can recognize she wanted me to be a kid for as long as i could.
she made me turn around during sex scenes,
didn’t like me watching too much violence,
and when it came to her relationships with wolves,
she didn’t “do the most” when i was around with them.
a Foxholer sent me the following that i had to stew on.

you know i luh to stew.
there are my thoughts

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i broke up with someone i thought was special last week

last week,
i found myself in the midst of a breakup,
feeling utterly disappointed again.

i won’t hold you:

Mandisa’s passing hit me like a ton of bricks,
stirring up a whirlwind of emotions and doubts.

how could someone so loyal

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if the beef ain’t going in my mouth then you can forget it

i’m going to font something that is probably going to get me highly judged.
at this point,
judge if you must but

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i felt uncomfortable trying to find sex and the city

for the last couple of days,
i decided to take a sabbatical.
it was a time when a fox has to hibernate to recharge his inner batteries.
i spent it catching up on sleep,
eating greasy food,
jackin’ off,
and watching one of my comfort shows,
sex and the city.
sex and the city was part of my gay awakening as a young fox.
i related with carrie because i was dealing with my own “mr. big” too.
the first wolf who slyly showed me his interest within his uncertain curiosity.
a wolf that if he hit me up today,
i’d drop what i was doing to go another round of uncertain curiosity again.
i’m up to the second season and i realized something

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the one thing i noticed within last night’s riots at columbia and ucla

This is not a PRO ANYTHING piece.
This simply an opinion and observation of the current events.

history is repeating itself.
where they are hanging that sign from is hamilton hall,
which is located at columbia university here in new yawk.
they were taking us back to another time in history by doing that.
( x see why here )
back in the day,
our ancestors fought for what they believed in.
many were beaten,
arrested,

maybe even killed,
but they stood up and stood tall.
tbh…

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