Ugly.
Lanky.
Awkward.
“A Girl” aka Not Like The Other Boys

that’s how i used to view myself.
anytime i got high,
that is the fox i saw in my mind.
i would associate myself with how they spoke of “bullers” in barbados.
( x what a buller is )

*These males that dl males crept into their backdoors secretly to fuck.
*The ones that would be ignored and shamed in public.
*Some dressed up in drag and were labeled crazy.

i was scared to be myself because this is how i felt i was viewed.
it made me super self-conscious and living in my head all the time.
“is this why many of them kept me as a secret?”
“why they didn’t want people to know we were friends/close?”
i’m sure it was true to some but that wasn’t the reality for all.
i asked myself a question while on my day off yesterday…

Continue reading ““they don’t like you because you’re ugly, gay, and possibly do drag.”” →

my therapist asked me something yesterday that i’m still thinking about.
it’s interesting how a simple mind trick could possibly change your life.
so during our session,
she posed this question to me…

Continue reading “what would an evolved you with no trauma or hurt be like right now?” →

season finales.
when a good tv show ends,
the season finale is usually poppin’.
it ends on a note that has us like:

“WTF IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT SEASON?”

it’s friendships having rough patches,
someone cheating,
or a main character getting killed off.
so next season,
we will be invested in where the remaining characters go with the storyline.

Since we are stars in our own stories,
it left me to wonder…

Continue reading “everyone loves a good season finale” →

i’m giving up.
i think God is behind it tbh.
it has been a long run but i’m tired and im gonna surrender.
honestly,
i think i found something better…

Continue reading “i’m giving up” →

i didn’t clean.
i didn’t wash my clothes.
i didn’t do any spells or eat chicken instead of pork.
my apartment is tidy and all i did was take out the trash.
i caught up with friends,
took an edible,
and fell asleep a few hours before the ball dropped.
thats right…

Continue reading “how i welcomed in 2023” →

so i finally finished the harry and meghan docuserires today.
it was a lot to take in but by the end,
my perspective changed on their story.
i fux with them.
during the last episode,
there was something interesting that stuck with my spirit.
at a dinner party in 2021 for their charity “arch well“,
one of the guests asked:

“What is your word for the upcoming year?”

i thought that was interesting because…

Continue reading “2023 just needs to be one word” →