I had to wonder:
Have you ever noticed how sometimes,
the storms in our lives feel bigger and scarier than they actually turn out to be?

last week,
i found myself in a spiraling of worry.
i was crazy anxious about karaoke,
a few friends,
and some Foxholers living in tampa, florida.
all of them in the direct path of hurricane milton.
the panic only deepened after hearing a government official’s stern warning:

“Leave or y’all gonna die!”

while some friends and Foxholers were in full blown panic,
i called karaoke,
bracing myself for the worst.
to my surprise…

“The worst they can do is tell you no.” – Karaoke said to me the other day

the word “no” is scary.
we think we are good enough and end up getting rejected.
we end up being scorned and don’t want to try for anything anymore.
karaoke and i were talking about approaching things boldly and asking for what we want.
i use to be so scared of rejection because of my past trauma due to rejection.
it all came from a fear of being judged and wanting to control things tbh.
so i’d wait for someone to say “yes” while wasting my time deciphering signs and games.
i’ve learned the hard way that:

“Mixed signals or hesitation means no.”

i was watching something with law roach the other day.
he is the vision behind many of zenadaya’s looks.
law is dope and i fux with him so far.
during this podcast discussion with “the cutting room floor”,
he spoke about all the big brands who told him “no” for zendaya to wear their clothes.
this is what he said that gave me my oprah “a-ha” moment…

“How have you been?”

at this point,
we haven’t spoken for a month now.
some messages get answered; many don’t.
it was never like that with us.
she has been crazy busy with her new job so it’s understandable.

“I’m good.
I have cancer but I’m great…”

“Wait,
what”…

Continue reading “cloudy with a chance of cancer” →

disconnected.
it has been a thought that has been going through my mind recently.
it actually started when we talked about teyana taylor.
on this week’s podcast,
and that last entry,
we came to the conclusion there is a disconnect with teyana and her music.
the thought about being disconnected from self came in the form of a question…

Continue reading “are you missing the plug to being connected to self?” →

this is how it started.
that was a conversation between karaoke and i earlier.
it was in regards to a video that flew down my twitter timeline.
of course,
i wanted the foxhole’s opinion.
so it was a the united states navy band and they did their rendition of “circle of life“.
this is the clip i watched and well…
Continue reading “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba” →

karaoke has been missing since 2 months ago.
she just vanished,
something in my spirit told me to leave her be.
we didn’t have an argument or anything,
but we were supposed to record a podcast and she never responded.
yesterday,
she finally hit me up and admitted to me…
Continue reading “file a missing person’s report for karaoke” →