brazilian beauty

before kevin spacey decided to destroy legacy,
he was known as one of the best actors from the 90s.
one of my favorite movies is “american beauty” that he stars in.
i recommend that movie to everyone because i love it so much.
the message in the movie is really deep and hits different as an adult.
this part in the movie goes down as one of the iconic scenes in movie history.

That song is on our iPhones as a ringtone,
yes?

when i saw that wolf above covered in roses,
it reminded me of that scene.
that wolf tho…

do we confuse male attention with our vulnerability and a need to be loved? (american beauty)

*someone in the life will relate to this.
true story from my experience.

many moons ago,
when i was in entertainment really heavy,
i invited this dude over to my crib because he wanted to talk about his career in entertainment.
he said he was available after 11pm on a saturday night.
11pm.
saturday night.
“talk”.
every time he saw me,
he flirted with me.
of course,
i assumed he was cumming to fuck the shit outta me.
i wanted him too because he was my type.
when he got over to my crib,
he was heavy on the flirting like it was verbal foreplay.
there was one point he was dancing and put his crotch in my face.
i’m usually not bold with wolves,
but i went decided to try something new.
when he sat on my couch,
he opened up his body language to me.
legs were open; hands were leaned back on the couch.
he had nice lips and i kissed him.
he kissed back and then said:

“...so i’m not gay.“

he wasn’t angry,
but he responded like this has happened many times before.
i felt so naked and vulnerable afterward.
it was a feeling i couldn’t explain.
un-wanted,
maybe?
ugly?
feeling like someone had my secret in their back pocket?
i felt open and not in a good way.
we never spoke again.

i was on youtube today and came across a scene from one of my favorite movies.
“american beauty“.
i watched it when i was really young and it made me feel uncomfortable.
when i watched this scene as an adult,
i totally understood it…

Continue reading “do we confuse male attention with our vulnerability and a need to be loved? (american beauty)” →