Have you ever felt at your wits end?

life suddenly became too much to handle,
you felt like you were on auto pilot,
and nothing was making you excited about life anymore.
i’ve been feeling like my energy had ghosted me.
i just felt tired about everything and everyone tbh.
it was like being a clown working overtime at the circus.
i was exhausted and still juggling it all because i balance two lives:

My IRL self
My Foxhole self

my entire being has rsvp’d “yes” to an emotional breakdown.
why aren’t we fontin’ more about burnout?
it’s like we’re conditioned for one thing:

Grind
Grind
Grind

…and then,
when the weekend rolls around:

Events
Errands
Everything but recharge

i’ve been battling burnout hard these past two years,
and while i’m no expert,
here’s what i’m learning as i try to figure it out…

i usually keep it lowkey but today?
i’m claiming my happiness.
for years,
i felt like an outsider looking in,
surrounded by my straight peers/associates,
always questioning where i stood.
picking up pom poms to cheer many of them on but when it came to me,
i barely got the same energy that i needed.
i won’t lie but it always hurt my feelings because it made me feel used.
i’ve come to learn…

the straights won’t let the gays have anything,
won’t they?
the following might be an isolated incident.
i love burna boy and his music.
he has a song on the “black panther; wakanda forever” soundtrack i love:

i could play it on repeat.
burna boy wanted to step tf out last night.
he thought “sheer and heels” and this was the result…

Continue reading “burna boy thought the “sheer and heels” combo would make the ugly hoes mad” →

the foxhole and i have a lot of private conversations ( x in the backrooms ).
that is a place where my top supporters and we:

Have fox talk,
See sexy wolves in action,
talk about my more private side of life,
and be a lot more…
intimate.

not only that,
your continuous support allows me to keep doing this and the lights on.
i had an entry on ( x getting turned out using a bidet for the first time ).
i got so turned out that i’m gonna get one when i get back to new yawk.
many of the foxholers in the backrooms have been asking me about bidets.
^that picture is of the bidet that i use on the toilet down here.
this is the link to that bidet from amazon…

Continue reading “for all those who want a wet clean hole (clean being the important part)” →

foxhole,
 it’s time.
it’s time for me to go because i’m tired of being here.
what’s happening inside me is bursting.
#idobebussin
so it’s definitely time…

Continue reading “i’m ret to pack my sh*t and go.” →

next year,
God spare my life and raise my abundance,
i want to do more out in these forests.
after these last 2 years of being in the crib,
i’m ready to be outside again.
you’ll always know when you’re ready.
shows like insecure and this new gossip girl reminds me of how much fun i used to have.

one minute i’m at a restaurant and the next i’m at a recording studio.
this city can take you on many different adventures.
so i was watching the new episodes of gossip girl and one of the characters,
julien calloway,
said something i plan on implementing in my social life.
she was talking to her father about going out for thanksgiving and she said…

Continue reading ““are you trying to chill and go back to the crib to smash after? whats the dress code?”” →