a journal prompt popped up on my phone asking:

“I define independence as…”

my answer?…

Don’t you ever get tired of dealing with people’s shady bullshit?

this morning,
i found myself headed dangerously close on the edge of sanity,
ready to go nuclear over someone’s latest nonsense.
someone i already know to be a certain way but hoping for a different outcome.
my bad.
in life,
we are going to face all kinds of abusive assholes.
i’ve always liked an asshole up front where i can see them.
i hate the ones who throws stones and hides behind a mask of innocence.
thankfully,
a dear friend pulled me back from the brink with a simple yet profound truth…

there is light within the darkness if you really look for it.
it’s no secret i’ve expressed that these past few years have broken me.
i feel like i’ve had to be broken into a thoughts pieces to put myself back together.
this time,
i get to do it in my liking and not what others may accept of me.
this morning,
i had a thought about the people who’ve slipped away from my life.
those i was once close to,
or those i hoped to reconnect with,
but it never happened.
a random thought downloaded into my spirit this morning.
i felt the urge to text a good friend what i felt and i wanted to share it here…

have you ever met someone who seemed to be exactly what you were looking for?
in the beginning,
it’s perfect!
you feel like it’s a match made in heaven.
as with most relationships after the honeymoon phase,
and you both start getting use to each other,
things start to change.
the spark fades and you’re left clinging to “the incentive”,
whatever that may be.

now,
imagine meeting someone new while you are with your main.
someone who blows your mind.

the chemistry is undeniable,
the sex is phenomenal,
and every encounter feels like an adventure.
they’re exciting,
captivating,
but they lack “the incentive” that your main has.
you start to wonder if you could look past it.
could you give up the familiarity and stability,
even if it means downgrading?

Is it worth leaving your main and starting over?

this is the dilemma i’ve been grappling with…

when i was younger,
i was wild sensitive.
like,
deep in the jungles kind of wild.
you couldn’t make a joke in my expense without me spiraling.
i tried to control how people saw me.
if someone dared come for me,
or if i fell on my ass in public…

oh,
the new yawk male,
especially the ones from the forests of brooklyn.
mmm mmm mmm.
it is always a good time with them.
they know how to party,
can “tawk” their way out of most things,
and are skilled hustlers.
you want something cheaper or need access somewhere and they got you.
alas…

It’s all good until you start fucking them.

after living here for so long,
i’ve learned many things about the males out here.

Look,
touch,
and don’t fall for the bullshit.

“TF is you talkin’ about?????????” should be a staple in your vocabulary.
you gotta be ready to cuss a pineapple out in a second.
i shared the following video with The Foxholers yesterday.
many hit me up and i had to wipe the drool from off their chin…