a season of ghosting,
or aka season of isolation,
is not the kind where you just need a weekend to recharge.
it’s the kind that sneaks up after a breakup,
a major disappointment,
job loss,
or losing someone you love.
suddenly,
you don’t feel like doing anything or being around anyone.
this season can last days,
weeks,
and sometimes,
it can last for even years.
i accepted that i’ve been in my ghosting era for a while now…

i think this wolf is fuckin’ hot.
there are certain wolves i find sexy for many things but also:

They reminded me of someone from my past.

alexa play “you remind me” by usher.
^he reminds me of a wolf i use to know…

There is a scene in sex and the city where Carrie fucks someone’s husband.
That someone’s husband,
Mr. Big,
was the love of her life.
The victim was the vixen,
Natasha,
that he chose after he broke up with carrie.
Whenever Carrie saw Natasha,
she did everything to get her forgiveness.
Natasha wanted nothing to do with it or Carrie.
Every time she sees Carrie,
her body language makes it perfectly clear she hates her.

someone said something about this situation that blew me away.
they said it wasn’t that carrie was sorry about the situation.
she didn’t give a fuck she fucked mr. big in their bed and got caught.
the real issue is…

on the last day of february,
which i didn’t realize was the last day,
i randomly made the decision that i wanted a reset.
i was seeing a lot of signs about starting over.
i legit had a notification pop up on my phone:

“Begin again“.

um,
isn’t that weird????????
a lot of shit went down on the last day of last month or leading up to it that week…

“You need to start talking to poeple.” Karaoke said to me the other day.

two months go,
she put me under her yearly nintendo switch family plan.
the premium one with the nintendo online bonus.
i was paying 4.99 a month for the regular one without all those features.
if i didn’t mention it to her,
she wouldn’t have known and was willing to help.
ironically,
after last week’s drama,
i remembered what she said and decided to tell her.
i’ve always been the “suffer in silence than ask for help” type.
it has been part of my survival technique for so long.

“I’ll figure it out.”

…but right now,
i don’t have all the answers for this current mayhem…

i only really understood my mother when she was on her deathbed.
before that,
i was a rebellious teenager.
in her final months,
we finally talked and i apologized for pushing her away.
lately,
my older cousin has been sharing stories about my mother.
i didn’t just inherit her features; i have her rebellious spirit too.
we started talking about my grandmother and i opened up about the abuse she put me through.
i was always afraid to tell anyone but my cousin actually listened.
he said something that stuck with me…