steam room

f0xmail: the white gays wanted nothing to do with me in the gym sauna. racism?

FOXMAIL

Hi Jamari,

I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now and wanted to vent (and ask for your opinion) since I don’t really have any gay friends and I consider you a friend in my head (as Wendy Williams would say.)

I go to the gym in downtown New York during the week and usually go in the sauna after my workouts. As you may or may not know, it usually gets sexual once the straights walk out. I usually go to the gym by my job but the last two days I have tried one in a different neighborhood. Yesterday I had a good experience, but today when I went it was my first time having a negative experience.

This new location had both a steam room and a sauna. I walked into the steam room and there were about 7-8 fit white men. Usually, I am used to seeing a diverse crowd, but I sat down like I usually would. Within less then 5 minutes all the white men walked out. So, I stayed in the steam room for about 10 minutes and decided to see what the energy was like in the sauna. There were like 4 new (white faces) and like 5 of the 7 men that were in the first room. Again within 5 minutes the majority of the men left and based on the direction they all went back into the steam room. I then saw a black guy go into the room with all of the white men and they walked out. When the black guy came into the room I was in, the white guys walked back into the empty room. There was 1 overweight white guy who came into the room me and the other black guy was in, and once any fit white guy looked into our room they wouldn’t come in.

Part of me felt it was racist, but another part felt like it was also because I don’t have a perfect body (I have an average body – flat stomach but no six pack). Regardless of the reason, this experience felt super catty, racist, and just inhumane. I understand everyone isn’t going to be attracted to you, but it felt very “you can’t sit with us.” I have had guys I wasn’t attracted to hit on me in the saunas before, but I still treat them with decency. I’ve heard stories about how white gays can be, but this was my first real experience with them in a group. I try to not stereotype groups, but this has really made me not want to deal with them in the future.

Do you think I am overreacting to this situation? What has your experience with white gays or gays in general been like?

P.S – This has motivated me even more to get the body I aspire to, and once I get there to remain humble.