I had to wonder:
Have you ever just had to curse God out real stink?
Ugh.

yesterday,
i woke up feeling on top of the forest,
with a perfectly curated plan for my week.
by evening,
life threw a curve ball straight to my gut.
naturally,
i did what any rational but slightly unhinged new yawker would do…

I love how ratchet we get and then talk about God.
I love how unhinged we are on here.

so last night,
something so wild happened that i had to share it with The Foxhole.
picture this: i’m sprawled out on my couch,
mid-binge of queen sugar.
i left hanging somewhere in the chaos of the rona.
i figured why not start from the beginning and get lost in that drama again?

Sidebar: something urged me to watch it again.

…but as the first episode rolled on,
my mind wandered back to some therapy revelations from earlier that day.
i was thinking about seeking acceptance and the trauma from my youth.
just when i was deep in my thoughts,
someone i’m cool with hit me up in DMs randomly.
we don’t really talk like that but we respect each other heavy.
he knew Star Fox as well.
so this person went MIA for what felt like forever and randomly hits me up out of the blue last night.
Foxhole…

last week,
i found myself in the midst of a breakup,
feeling utterly disappointed again.
i won’t hold you:

Mandisa’s passing hit me like a ton of bricks,
stirring up a whirlwind of emotions and doubts.

how could someone so loyal…

i was JUST having a discussion with a foxholer about the following.
it was about males who have positive captions but still tryin’ to get fucked.
ya’ll know the types.
their captions are so uplifting while teasing prints and cheeks.
a foxholer sent me a the ig of antwain harley aka @muscledfaith.
he is flexing his faith pretty hard and…

Continue reading “he is showing faith, muscles, butt cheeks, and negro lingerie” →

i was taught to fear many things.
hell,
everything.
i grew up in a strict christian household and everything was the enemy.
if you asked anyone in my family when i was a kid,
i was rebellious and a bit of a wild card.
as the years went on,
and i got broken down piece by piece,
i started to get consumed by all kinds of fears.

I’ve always been in fear of God.

i didn’t want to appear disobedient in fear of going to hell or karma.
this last year has literally been from the pits of hell.
every time i think i take 2 steps forward,
i’m pushed down the stairs back into the basement.
i’ve been trying not to question God but it has been hard.
when i woke up this morning,
the other window in my living room fell out.
needless to say,
i blacked the entire fuck out at 6 am and screamed on God…

Continue reading “WHAT TF DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” →

i use to own a little sports car many years ago.
it was an older model,
but you couldn’t tell me shit when i was in that.
this was way before i started writing on here.
i was living at my sister’s aunt’s crib and life was kinda peaceful.
something went down and i owed money on the car.
i ended up having to park it and get on that metrocard plan.
it stayed parked for a year or two without movement.
i would have to go shovel it out of snow every winter.
sometimes,
i didn’t.
one day i went out outside and saw a red letter stuck to the window…

Continue reading “a story of how i got “got” but God ended up getting me back (can he come through again?)” →