Do You Ever Think The Day Will Come When Things Go Your Way?

tonight one of my favorite songs came on during shuffle.
one of my songs that i listen to when i have stars in my eyes and big dreams in my mind.
r kelly is a genius when it comes to the music he creates.
i have pretty much all his music in my collection,
but the “r” album is one of my favorites.
not before “tp-2.com” and right above “r kelly”.
he has a song on that album called “did you ever think” remix with nas,
where he recalls when he use to have stars in his eyes and big dreams in his mind.
the hook sounds like what god asks him when life stands still:

Did you ever think that you would be this rich?
Did you ever think that you would have these hits?
Did you ever think that you would be the don?
Have a crib with a fifty acre lawn
Did you ever think that you would be this paid?
Were there times when your ass was real afraid?
Did you ever think that you would sell out tours?
Have a show with fifty million viewers…

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Drama King

i woke up this morning at 4am in a sweat.
it was kinda hot in my apartment,
because the heat been on “hoe in church with no draws on” level.
ironically enough,
i went to sleep naked that night.
i had a funny feeling in the pit my stomach.
something didn’t feel “right”.
i get those feelings often.
i got up and went to check the locks.
locked.
i walked throughout the crib to make sure no one was hiding in my closets.
(ha ha ha i already hear the jokes now).
nothing.
i looked at my mail on my coffee table.
no current or overdue bills.
restaurant ads and junk mail.
my apartment was clean.
i gave a quick thanks to god.
he has provided me so much and i am truly grateful.
i laid on my couch.
what was this feeling i was having?
why was i having it?
i wasn’t use to it.
then it hit me!
i was feeling the effects of “my house was in order”.
i had no drama in my life.
i’m not getting fucked on the regular,
but i don’t have to worry about some bullshit ass wolf.
no struggling to pay bills.
food was in my fridge.
i’m unemployed,
but i was still making it.
i cut off all the dead weight.
i erased a ton of useless contacts in my phone.
so why was i feeling like this?
why was i up at 4am,
naked,
and still stripping myself down looking for something wrong?
i started to wonder…
if i am so used to things going completely left field…