inside jamari fox

someone asked me the other day:

“would you go to the funeral of someone who was once a friend, ex, or even a relative but ya’ll fell out years ago?”

my answer:

“NOPE.”

my friend was confused at the lack of empathy in my answer.
my thought…

last night,
i had a huge panic attack.
the last time i had one of those was at my last job back in 2019,
where i was looking like a malnourished twink.
the only time i get panic attacks is when i’m severely stressed out.
in this last week of october in 2025…

i am severely stressed out again.

“What did it feel like?”

i was asked that today.
it felt like…

aunt wendy taught me how to be media trained without her knowing.
there is some shit you say/font out loud and other shit you keep at the kitchen table.

kitchen table talk (v): when you are spilling tea with your people with the intentions of it staying between ya’ll and Jesus.

that is when you spill that you fucked someone and it was terrible or mind blowing,
or my personal fav:
“YOU FUCKED HIM?!?!?”

that being fonted i have A LOT of kitchen table font with my Foxholers.
i always ask if i can share because sometimes the tea is PIPIN’.
that being fonted:

many males,
especially straights,
love to talk and font for brownie points outside of kitchen table talk.

(ex)-boxing jackal,
adrien broner,
has allegedly fucked a lot of pretty attentionistas it seems.
he decided to expose everyone he fucked on his IG with “the toxic test“…

fonting of,
i was having a conversation with someone in the entertainment industry.
they are a pretty big deal in their field.
he sent me a VN talmbout:

“i really like what you are doing with your website.
you have a gift and you are so popular.
everyone knows you…”

stop right there.
…who are you talking too?

so i watched the “wicked for good” trailer and bawled.

the young me,
that frowned every time karaoke played the broadway soundtrack for the original “wicked”,
would judged at the current me.
tbh:

i hate i didn’t get into wicked sooner.

back then,
i was so concerned with fitting into spaces that never welcomed me,
i really missed a story that reflected my life back to me.

it’s funny how the things we react when we are ashamed of ourselves,
eventually come back to heal or teach us a lesson.

when i watched the first “wicked” movie last year,
i didn’t expect to relate to “the green one” so deeply…

our current president may have said:

“oh ya’ll gonna say i’m not a king and protest me?
well then i’m gonna do shit out of spite ya’ll azzez.
welcome to the art of a deal bitches!”

i had a feeling that the following would happen.
it is not shocking because when people show you who they are; believe them.
apparently,
a diddy pardon is on the horizon according to tmz…