I’ve had beef with God for a minute.

okay,
maybe more than a minute.
like,
a solid two-year feud.
blame it on what the church villagers were telling me:

“God is testing you.”
“God gives you what you can handle.”
“God’s just seeing if you’re worthy of a breakthrough.”

sure,
it sounds poetic,
but it felt like spiritual gaslighting.

Why would a loving God dish out trauma like it’s a rite of passage?
Why the hoops?
Why the pain?

if i’ve already proven myself,
why keep testing me?
it felt like cosmic abuse with only my name on it.
i was ready to give up on God because i’ve seen tired.
i’ve been stuck in this loop,
playing by the rules,
yet running in circles.
this past sunday,
sarah jakes-roberts dropped a gem in her sermon that hit me like a plot twist…

when i don’t believe a word coming out anyone’s mouth/fingertips,
i like to look into everything they’re telling me to see if they’ll slip up.
this is why i only go with receipts when it comes to stories.
anyone can say/font anything because pathological liars do exist.
hugo d almonte,
the jackal who outed khalid,
did his best IG press release to defend himself.

i have thoughts…

I don’t know what next year around this time will look like for me.

maybe i’ll have finally made it.
i’ll be hosting a friends-giving that i could afford to cater.
i would have moved to a new spot where the new yawk skyline is in plain view.
that night,
in-front of that view,
i’ll be on my knees thanking my manz for being so amazing.
the next day,
i’ll be catching all the black friday sales like a pokemon trainer.
either that or i’ll be with karaoke’s family in alabama again.
that is what i really wanted to do this year but i couldn’t afford it.
after all the bullshit of these last two years…

Will the third time be the lucky charm?

this year tho,
it was spent in solitude.
the questions i was asking myself…

Khalid speaking out after being outed,
and it’s clear that this hit deep.

truth is,
it doesn’t seem like khalid was ready to share his story.
that jackal decided to snatch that moment from him.
next,
we can’t tell khalid how to feel in a situation like this.
i’m gonna repeat that font:

We can’t tell Khalid how to feel in a situation like this.

how you would handle it,
is different to how i would handle it,
and how he is handling it.
everyone processes things differently.

so khalid came out with a video to explain his side and…

X marks the Fox that a wild theory brewing:

Are all the hot guys locked up?

when we were young,
the adults would tell us horror stories about going to jail.
“don’t drop the soap” was one of them.
it was always some scary jackal named “big bubba” ready to snatch our manhood.

the idea of prison is that when a male goes in there,
he may be subjected to getting raped and even killed.

Well,
scratch that because this timeline is telling us something else.

apparently,
it’s a whole different story now.
dating in the outside forests has been the pits,
but going to jail is being glamorized as an “all you can eat in penis” buffet.
tokeyo said on “queer documentary” that he had fun he had in jail…

Khalid shutting down anyone who doubted his pull.
Hell,
maybe those who didn’t think he had pull.

calling khalid ugly is absolutely ridiculous.
i’m not shocked about khalid being gay.
ya’ll done told me it started with his song,
“location“.
apparently,
the clues are in the lyrics and the alleged grindr notification sound.

the real headline is…